Jersey Shore Season 3 "Come On Give Us A Few More Tries"

The Jersey Shore is back after a mercifully short hiatus, and great news: the duck phone is back too. Technically this will be about the second episode, but I have a very short recap of episode 1 to offer:

Meet Deena, Snooki's Celebrity Lookalike.

After an entire day of full-throttle passive aggression from Sammi to the new girl ("Meatball Deena"), the girls get into a brawl. It starts when Sammi laughs at Deena for wanting to make some time with The Situation. Deena loudly complains to the rest of the roommates, and Ronnie runs downstairs to demand that she not bring him into it. Snooki verbally attacks Sammi on Deena's behalf, which prompts Ronnie to call Snooks "a loser from Poughkeepsie," and that riles up JWOWW so much that she initiates some fisticuffs with Sammi. Well, Sammi initiates it too. The bodyguards come in to break it up. The whole thing is very confusing.

The next morning (one episode later), Deena correctly guesses that Sammi just stands there watching Ronnie lift weights when they go to the gym. Later on that night, Situation tries to pull a fast one on Vinny:

The Situation's Tricky Threeway Attempt
After freaking out that some ok-looking girl was stalking him at Karma, Vinny successfully hits on some other less-ok-looking girl. At some point between that moment and taking her home, Situation hugs her from behind enough to believe that he has properly seduced her. Realizing he'll have a "situation" with Vinny, Mike suggests they have a threeway, then trips the girl headfirst onto a couch and casually bumps into her from behind. Despite the girl's quiet requests for Mike to join, Vinny locks himself and the girl in the guest room. Mike despairs and makes a PB&J. Deena reminds Situation that she would have sex with him at any time. Mike says "[Nah,] it's alright."

 

Situation interrupted.

The next day Sammi and Ronnie take the car to church before anyone else wakes up and then sit through a leisurely 7-hour restaurant meal while everyone else eats Family Sunday Dinner at home. Sammi returns to the house carrying a huge banana. She says a few obnoxious things in that familiar noncommittal teenage lilt and for some reason Snooki continues to believe that she's worth reasoning with. That's why you're America's sweetheart, Snooks! Because your heart is the biggest of them all.

After a miserable night at the boardwalk, Sammi finally confronts Ronnie about his indiscretions in Miami. He subconsciously winks at the camera while asking, "can't you tell I'm like, madly in love with you?" and since I've been watching so much Lie To Me lately, I think I can spot a lie when I see one winking at me.

By far the best part of the episode is the preview for next week, which shows Snooki considering a threeway with Situation, Snooki finally getting the apology she so fully deserves from Sammi, and Snooki facing criminal charges for getting too falling-down drunk on the beach. America loves you back, you adorable meataball!

Jersey Malapropism Count for episode 2:

1. Snooki repeats that she's given Sammi "so many tries." I think that usage-wise, "chances" might make more sense than "tries."
2. Pauly D considers that Sammi and Ronnie might not be interested in "squashing their differences" with the rest of the group. I should read up on this to find out if I'm right at all, but don't you "quash" metaphorical things and "squash" literal things? Again, I should look this up.  Pauly D is a smart guy after all.