Pretty Much Dead Already: A Primer On Glenn & Maggie's Future Relationship

Last night was the mid-season finale of Walking Dead and OHHHHHH HOLY CRAP it finally turned around again! I don't think I've ever sat watching anything with my mouth so rigidly agape, my eyes so dry and wide with terror. It was like the first time I saw the day of reckoning at the end of The Godfather. Congratulations, Walking Dead. You did it!!!



First thing at breakfast, Glenn tells the gang that the barn is full of walkers. Now, "full" isn't really the right word for it, but there's danger just the same, and everyone rushes down to the barn to freak out. Excellent idea, starting a yelling match five feet away from the walker pen. The door starts shaking menacingly, but nothing really happens. Those zombies are actually pretty well-imprisoned. But still, Shane is like "GET US OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!"

For some reason we are being treated to every moment of Glenn and Maggie's ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. Is she mad at him? Oh man, she's mad at him again! I wonder what for!! Literally 50% of the show these days has been The Glenn & Maggie Report: Is Maggie Mad at Glenn? She puts an egg in his head and squashes it. Maybe this is a callback to Ramona Quimby. In which case, bravo! Meanwhile we're also watching a train wreck in slow motion in the form of Daryl & Carol's Unlikely Courtship. Ohhhh nooooo, why is she spending so much 1-on-1 time with him? Daryl calls Carol a "stupid bitch" under his breath after a tense conversation. Nice!

Lori's pregnancy secret is all the way out now, and Rick is using it as ammo to get what he wants around camp. He tells Hershel about the baby to get a permanent invitation. He tells Shane about the baby to try to un-crazy him a little bit. But that never works. Never promise Crazy a Baby. Shane's sanity roller coaster starts clicking up the first hill, the one big enough to power his entire topsy-turvy descent into psychomania.

Carl marches up to Shane, looks him right in the eye, and tells him he's bullshit. It's bullshit that he wants to leave when Sophia's still missing. It's bullshit that he wants to leave at all when the farm is so safe. Carl is still a ridiculously uninformed kid, but at least he's sassy now. Sassy and behatted!

Lori chops carrots like she's trying to do a bad job. Girl, even pregnant ladies know how to chop things evenly into bite-size pieces. Even ones with a lot on their minds, like zombies or paternity issues. Sassy like her son, Lori tells Shane that no matter who the baby's biological father is, that baby belongs to Rick. Click click click click Oh God here we go over the first hill WHOAAAA!

Shane wants all the camp's guns in his hot little hands. Now that there's a baby in the picture, he can't afford to let zombies march around minding their own business in a totally locked-up barn. It's time to shoot some stuff.

With his last shred of ESP, Dale makes off with the guns just minutes before Shane comes looking for them. Dale plans to bury them in a swamp (?), but Shane tracks him down and stands watching him like an arched, feral cat. Dale points a rifle at Shane and asks him if it really has to come to this. DO ROLLER COASTERS HAVE BRAKES? I don't think so! Sidebar: in any other movie, Shane acting this way would portend a hideous, inevitable death. Wha' happun?

When Hershel gets news that two zombies have gotten stuck in a nearby swamp, he enlists Rick to go get them. With pool skimmers or whatever. Nope, that's not stupid at all. God bless that Hershel, he sure knows how to keep himself alive. It's totally understandable how he's still standing. It probably has to do with how he walks his zombie prisoner RIGHT NEXT TO RICK through half of the forest.



As they approach camp and Shane returns with the guns, whatever's left of Shane's brain snaps into a million pieces. He starts tossing guns to everyone who'll catch one, even Carl. He starts breaking down the barn door with the over-powered gusto of a man marked for death. By all rights he should slip on a blade of grass, knock himself out on the padlock, and get swarmed by zombies. But everything goes just how Shane wants it, and that scenario is by no means easier to watch.



The zombies march out one by one and get shot one by one. It's a massacre. When it finally ends, everyone stays frozen and aghast. But oh god: there's one last walker about to come out of the barn. Are you ready for this? They've been getting you ready all season, so you really have no excuse not to be ready. It's Zombified Sophia. OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



This is the only justification that I buy for keeping Sophia lost for so long. She was right under their noses the whole time, and all this barn-pussyfooting was directly responsible for prolonging their search. Not to mention the implied backstory - either Hershel wrangled Sophia into the barn himself and was keeping her fate a secret (thus keeping the gang at his barn even longer?), or Sophia came upon the barn herself one night at dusk, so relieved to find the shelter of the loft that she didn't even notice the gaps in the cross-beams, which subsequently tripped her and made her fall headlong into the zombie pit as she screamed, "No, not this way, not like this! I never even kissed a boy! Tragedy!!!! Misery!!! Oh, most rued day!"

We don't really see Shane hesitate to shoot Sophia, but then again, he doesn't raise the gun either. Once again it's up to Rick, the real leader, to step up and do what's ugly. Just like when Jack Shephard had to finish off the U.S. Marshal that Sawyer only managed to futz with. AND HE DID IT BY HAND.



The first half of Season 2 closes on a field of assassinated zombies, our gang's hands as bloody as they come, and our search for Sophia rendered totally in vain. Dang, Zombiepocalypse. Bumzers!!

C U IN FEBZOMBRARY!

all photos courtesy amcTV.com

You Should [Have] Be[en] Watching Wonderfalls

Wonderfalls was only on the air for 4 episodes, and I was there for all of them. A spring semester high school senior, I felt like a pretty cool cat. Bookish, sarcastic, and full of potential - without ever taking a single step forward. Jaye Tyler, the main character of Wonderfalls, was my hero. A 24-year-old philosophy major graduates from Brown only to work at a gift shop back home in Niagara. The universe observes this slackery, objects to it, and bids inanimate objects like wax lions and teddy bears to speak to Jaye until she starts to listen. A world where it's not completely up to me to make things happen? That sounds wonderful.



Created by Bryan Fuller and Todd Holland, Wonderfalls has a lot in common with Fuller's other shows, Dead Like Me and Pushing Daisies (this just in: he's about to work on The Munsters for NBC!): it features an unorthodox, almost proto-Whitney Cumming (in terms of refusing to play 'girly') main character as well as incredibly wacky side characters. But where Whitney Cumming female leads are pointlessly caustic, Jaye Tyler is snarky for a reason. She hates everything, including herself, at least a little. The 2 Broke Girls just hate living in Brooklyn.

By the way, the actors who make up Jaye's nuclear family are amazing:
Diana Scarwid (Daughter Dearest) plays her perfect mother Karen
Katie Finneran (tons of Broadway) plays her newly-out sister Sharon
Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies!) plays her aetheist theologian brother Aaron
and William Sadler (Shawshank Redemption!) plays her ever-bemused father Darrin.

Jaye's name doesn't rhyme with theirs. But just like Jaye, her family members are trying to deal with their own lots in life - particularly her sister Sharon. The first few episodes hinge on Sharon's homosexuality becoming public, and it's really fun to watch that drama affect Jaye. As Jaye goes on a Rube Goldberg-style adventure each episode, we get to see how her blind actions work in unison. It's also worth mentioning that her love interest is a newly jilted ex-groom bartender. Now that's entertainment! You should be watching Wonderfalls!



all photos courtesy Fox Home Entertainment

Secrets Secrets Are No Fun, Secrets Secrets BRAAAAIIINS

Boy oh boy, are things heating up at Hershel's Nonkosher Dairy! Thanks to Glenn's loose lips, Lori's pregnancy secret is out. The barnful of zombies secret is out, too, but nobody's doing anything about it except for the Chicken Lady, who's breaking chicken legs all over the place to keep her ex-neighbors well-fed and happy. Truly, Chicken Lady is the breakout star of "Secrets," the Midseason Finale Eve of Season 2. I mean breaklegs star.

Hershel hates having these people at his farm. They're gun-crazy zombie killers in his eyes, though he doesn't seem to notice that they're also resource hogs who are coming this close to a very successful coup of his farm. How is he planning on evicting them, with half-hearted shame? "Y'know, most guests don't stay for weeks on end. When were y'all thinkin of finally getting going?" If nothing else, the constant (bullet-wasting) gun practice would theoretically be drawing every nearby zombie to Hershel's property (even if it's farther out from the farm).



After a long moral struggle, Lori asks Glenn to go back to the pharmacy in town to get her a few more items. Conditioner, lotion, and oh yeah, Morning After pills. This is confusing: is Lori getting ready to pamper herself through a long pregnancy, or is she getting ready to end it all? In either case, what is the conditioner for? "Soft hair just makes me more me, you know?" As soon as Lori gathers the courage to take several doses of the pills, she runs to a field and throws them up. Excellent choice, wasting all the Morning After pills in one fell swoop. God knows Maggie won't ever need them, or any of the other all-woman party at Hershel's. THANKS AGAIN, LOR. SO GREAT WORKING WITH YOU!
PS: Lori's positive that the baby belongs to Rick. That's impossible to know, since he's only been back for about 3 weeks or so.
PPS: CHALK ANOTHER ONE UP TO PROFESSOR LORI GENIUSBOTTOMS.



Out at the firing range, Andrea's getting good at shooting motionless targets. Shane decides to swing a tree branch out in front of her to simulate true-to-life swinging zombie targets. Granted, this is a great way to waste a few more bullets, but it doesn't seem to be working. Shane brings up Andrea's dead sister in order to bring out her dormant Angry Gunskills, but it's pointless - she still stinks.



Shane takes Andrea with him to look for Sofia in a nearby neighborhood. They discover a pile of burned corpses in a garage, and soon zombies from all over the street swarm the house and prevent further investigation. But what happened here? Did a garageload of bitten, feverish humans decide to end it before things got out of hand? Or is it a weird new thing that zombies do with corpses? Somehow they make it outside, and Shane refuses to shoot an attacking zombie to goad Andrea (yet again) into getting the hang of it. FINALLY something switches in her brain, and FINALLY she's an amazing shot. It almost makes the past few episodes of Andrea's temper tantrums worth it.

Then Andrea grabs Shane's deumer in the car and the Obnoxious Lovers Club is officially established. Back at Hershel's, Dale can immediately tell what happened between them, and he's pissed. Grandfatherly old farts can still feel jealousy, damn it. He's the one who just spent a week keeping Andrea away from her own gun, ostensibly keeping her alive during a suicidal (and thankless) period. He's the one with the hat and the RV. When will she open her eyes and see what's been right in front of her this whole time?? If I was your woman! If I was your woman! Dale takes out his anger the way he usually does, by giving unwanted advice to the women of camp:



Long live Dale and his nosy, ancient ways!

all photos courtesy amcTV.com

ANTM Recaps Temporarily Back In Fashion!

As Becklectic grows up, I realize that I can basically only handle recapping one series at a time in a meaningful way. And although I started out following ANTM All Stars this fall, my attention quickly gave way to Walking Dead. Well guess what, friends. Good old Byrnsie Byrne told me she wants more hot ANTM action, and by God, she will get it.

First allow me to guide you through the Michael Jackson gallery, curated by LaToya herself at Elimination Panel 3 weeks ago. Here we have a few beauts:

This is the only amazing thing I've ever seen Bre do. Bringing out the Michael, bringing me to tears.

Laura Kirkpatrick, I'll love you til the day I die.

And a few COMPLETE LOSERS:

Yiiiiiiikes, Alexandria. PS Allison Harvard is wearing blackface.

But now for the real thrust of the recap:

WHAT HAVE THE AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL ALL STARS BEEN UP TO LATELY?

The girls head off to Greece, led by Andre Leon Talley in a rice paddy hat and large black kimono. I'm finding myself surprised that Lisa "The Crazy One" wasn't born Greek. Did she convert? Are you saying she's not Greek at all? No, that can't be right, look at her. 

The girls have to memorize large Greek words and give "1-minute speeches" utilizing them when they set foot on the Greek tarmac. Then Tyra digs up the only Greek photographer she's heard of and has him shoot the girls in a kiddie pool full of Greek salad. In other logos, we're really classing things up, Greek-style.

The 100-year-old in the group, Shannon, reminds Mr. Jay not so gently that she "doesn't do underwear." Her brain is cooking up a convoluted stew of "underwear < swimwear, unless the swimwear is underwearish, in which case swimwear > underwear because I can't figure it out? Just for my husband. No sir, that is just for my husband." Granted, this season is supposed to be about image branding, and it's well within Shannon's brand parameters to avoid gratuitous nudity. Then again, how you gonna be a working model if you won't work? All the fashion songs say you better work. A random PA ends up telling Shannon, "No offense, but it's easier to change the model than the prototype." SLAM! Duh duhduh Duh duhduh LET THE BOYS BE BOYS!

At Elimination Panel it becomes abundantly clear that these girls were just made to pose in freaking Greek salad for no good reason. The judges hate the way Laura poured olive oil all over her face in her photo. She was feeling sick! She wasn't thinking straight! What were you expecting? Keep Laura alive! In the end, she is kept alive, whereas Shannon gets the boot. Right in her fully-clothed butt. 


ONE WEEK LATER:
There are just 5 girls completely middle-aged women left in the competition. What better way to celebrate than with a caustic peer-led "casting" session! Miss Jay rounds everyone up and makes them walk for each other and judge each other.

It's totally innocuous at first ("I could never, ever [pick a girl who doesn't deserve to win], even if it means I'm out of the contest!"), until it turns into shit-on-Angelea hour. Dominique sees herself in Angelea and wants her to project more confidence. Laura just wants her to be doing better period. Lisa's lips are zipped. This is significant. Angelea refuses to hear any criticism, so she just gets up and walks out while showering the girls with profanity. She's ready to win, so she ought to, and everyone else should shut up or prepare to be slapped. To Angelea's credit, she slaps no one.

Giving further credit to Angelea, she really did take initiative and get herself some counseling between the first season she auditioned and the season she actually made it onto. She just clearly needs a little more. Her mantra throughout is "You think you know me? You don't know nothing about me," which is tragically honest. In a show about models trying specifically to become household names, you probably ought to make it so people can "know you." And that "you" can't just be defensive.

Flipping back around to Lisa, it's nice to see a former train wreck slowly figure out when to turn on the act and when to keep it quiet. She keeps herself from getting into a ridiculous fight with Angelea. She goes out to a club with the rest of the models and manages not to drink any alcohol, which had originally contributed to her downfall. She thinks "the winner in [her] needs to be somebody who can handle themselves in every single situation." And it doesn't look like she's struggling. It's really nice to see a self-disciplined person who isn't completely depressed about it.

The models pose as ancient Olympians for their photoshoot, only instead of throwing javelins and shotputs, they throw belts and purses. Everyone gives a solid performance except Angelea, who neither knows nor cares what the hell a "put-shut-pot-shot" is. Well Angelea, it's simple, really. It's a ball that you hold while MODELING FOR ONCE.



Somehow by Elimination Panel I realize that I'm rooting for Lisa as well as Laura. This is confusing and makes me wonder about what goes on in my brain. It's like the time I was rooting so hard for Melrose. What was that all about? The bottom two are Angelea and Dominique, and since Angelea will undoubtedly cause more drama, she gets to stay. Despite her vast inter-season improvements, Dominique will not be our All-Star. Ole Rattlesnake Angelea gets one more shot. Here are the rest of the Olympians!

all photos courtesy cwtv.com

You Should Be Watching Portlandia

Carrie Brownstein's old riot grrrrl band Sleater Kinney was amazing before they broke up, and it was 33% due to her amazing voice. Well, that's not totally accurate. Maybe the breakdown is more like:

However it breaks down, who knew Carrie Brownstein was also an incredibly talented comedian? Apparently Fred Armisen did. And also IFC. Thus Portlandia was born! Click through for all the Portlandia that Hulu is prepared to offer at the moment. Below is "Did You Read?":



Brownstein keeps up with Armisen at an astounding pace (disregarding editing and whatevs), and her straight face is naturally set at a hilarious "I don't get it" level, and she throws herself into every character she portrays. I, along with everyone else who watched the first season, really hope that Carrie & Fred are best friends in real life. Since Armisen is also a talented musician, they pepper their sketches with genuine-seeming jam outs. You know how they say that all comedians want to be rock stars and all rock stars want to be comedians? They both did both, and they called it Portlandia.

Don't Look Now It's A Theme Month!

Starting mid-November, ending mid-December:

ALL THE SHOWS I THINK YOU SHOULD WATCH!

It began with Homeland, and now it's blossoming into a full-blown monthstravaganza. In the mischievous yet pensive words of Doc Brown, "I figured...what the heck?"

You Should Be Watching Homeland If You Aren't Already

It's online anywhere you look, guys, and it's amazing. Claire Danes plays a CIA agent - who may be going crazy - who finds out that an American POW has been turned. Cut to Damian Lewis, newly freed American POW, who acts suspicious and has red hair. Throw in a little wacky-jazz, some low-tech surveillance reminiscent of The Conversation, and a whole lotta Mandy Patinkin. WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? Go! Go now!

photo courtesy of Showtime (www.sho.com)

Abra Chupacadabra!

Is anyone else's DVR totally screwing them over for Walking Dead lately? My roommates and I checked it at 8:45 last night to make sure it was still set to record at 9 (we suffered too much heartache last week when this happened), and it STILL didn't record. It didn't even pretend to have an unresolved conflict. Like so many pre-zombies, it just died. Is this an allegory for the show? Is the show an allegory for modern cable-based technology? We're all going to die unfairly someday. Isn't that enough?

Last night's episode, "Chupacabra," dealt with women doing unexplainable things. Glenn asks Dale if all the women have synched up -- Maggie won't have sex with him a second time; Lori cries and cries, just because she's pregnant in an obstetricianless world; Sophia keeps dropping dolls and pillows as clues but never seems to be findable near them; and don't even get me started on Andrea.  WOMEN.

The episode starts in a stopped-up lane of traffic several weeks ago, where Lori and Shane watch Atlanta get nuked. It's the moment they realize things will never be fine again. If they're bombing Atlanta, the people in charge must be really pessimistic (probably a bunch of women). It's hard to say what this flashback has to do with the rest of the episode, but I have faith that I'll be bringing it all around by the end.

At present, it's a day for disobeying Hershel. First Daryl borrows one of his horses without asking, and then one of Hershel's sons volunteers for gun-heavy work without his father's go ahead. The womenfolk have the gall to cook a thank-you dinner in Hershel's very own kitchen. All of this frustration will most likely lead to Hershel kicking our gang out of his farm, as well it should. They're starting to act like they own the place (and the horses, and the daughters), and they'll probably be the downfall of Safe Haven Farms. But what makes Hershel so sure that they won't turn on him and stage a coup? He's old and he hates guns. If he's indoctrinated his children against guns too, it could be very easy for Rick's group to turn into pirates - the very kind of people any nice group of survivors would avoid at all costs - and to take his land. Will Hershel turn Rick into the King of the Savages?*

The real star of "Chupacabra" is old Daryl 'One Man Show' Dixon. After stealing a horse from Hershel, Daryl sets off looking for Sophia yet again. Only this time, his nervous horse sees a rattlesnake and makes a break for it, leaving Daryl to roll down a very steep, woodsy hill and to completely impale himself with a crossbow arrow. Questions: Why does he only have that one arrow with him? Did the others fly off and break during  the fall? Why is Georgia like this, with the steep, woodsy hills? God, at least he didn't fall into a kudzu gulch. He'd be buried alive in there, and he might not be the only one!!

True to form, Daryl immediately tries climbing back up with the arrow lodged in his side. Again he falls, even worse this time, and he passes out to the tune of Merle Dixon's cocky ramblings. This vision of Merle wants Daryl to succeed, so he taunts our hero all the way to safety. First he shakes Daryl's foot, waking him to the very real zombie gnawing on his shoe. (DID HE GET BITTEN? I ASSUME NOT, BUT DID HE?!) He then teases Daryl about leaving the arrow in the wound, prompting him to take it out and use it on a second looming zombie's head. Finally, he noogies him all the way up the original steep, woodsy hill. Thanks, Merle. All your ceaseless bullying has finally paid off.

And now we get to Andrea, the Queen of Cloudy-headed Women, who would rather shoot guns 'n' wrassle snakes than cook in the kitchen with the other ladies. She's the first one at the farm to sight Daryl, and since he looks like shit, she assumes he's a zombie. Naturally the glaring late-afternoon Georgia sun blocks Daryl's face in her binoculars. Rick, Shane, and Dale suggest she not shoot him, since it's loud and a waste of bullets and not a great weapon if you want to identify the thing you're about to kill. They even lower their own weapons as they get nearer to Daryl, giving Andrea copious visual cues that this is not a zombie. But no. She shoots him anyway and grazes his face. Thank you so much, Andrea. We couldn't have not done it without you!

Lucky for Glenn, Maggie wants to have sex again after all. Unlucky for Glenn, she lets him choose the spot (because he has such a majestic grasp of the farm's available spots). He chooses the mysterious barn, which Hershel banned Rick from a few episodes ago. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FULL OF ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Or about 6 or 7 from the looks of it). We live in a zombieful worlllllllld!

Circling back - what does that opening scene have to do with the rest of the episode? In the former situation, Lori and Shane watch their hope for refuge get bombed beyond recognition (although we had no trouble recognizing Atlanta in Season 1); in the latter, Lori and Shane (and everyone else) watch as their new hope for non-nomadic living disappears. And just like those women in the control tower who set off the nukes, it is the women of Rick's group - and their craziness - that destroy the chance to stay in their new home. That's quite a stretch, though.

*Graphic novel says no.

all photos courtesy amctv.com

Cherokee Rose: The Trail Of Zombie Tears

This Sunday, The Walking Dead inched closer to a climax that we've all been waiting for since first meeting Farmer Hershel, but it never got there. Further than that, I ain't sayin' nuttin'. Except this: Hershel Greene is the Jewiest name ever for a Southern Baptist farmer. Old MacGoyisheKop over here! OHHHHH!!!



I was reading the graphic novel last week in preparation for this episode, hoping that I'd be able to lessen the amount of physical trembling I'd inevitably go through. In the end I was as petrified as ever (waiting in vain for it all to go down), but I learned something in the meantime: we've completely skipped a section. Granted, lots of plot points diverge between the comic and the show, but typically the broad strokes remain the same. Perhaps you've heard the (semi)famous anecdote about Kirkman simply not realizing at the time that the CDC is in Atlanta. Instead of visiting our national biomedical emergency center, the comic book characters try living in a gated community for a few days. Man, I would've liked to see that. In the immortal words of that kid taxi driver who propositions Dottie in A League of Their Own, "Can't we do both?"

But let's get back to the things that actually do happen in "Cherokee Rose," the fourth installment of the second season. Surprise surprise, Sophia (HER NAME ACTUALLY MEANS "WISE"; HOW FOOLISH!) is still lost. Carl's doing a little better, now that he's had life-saving surgery and Lori has stopped trying to mercy-kill him (at least for now). She finally has time to focus on the little zygote growing in her belly, whose existence demands confirmation. Lori scribbles "pregnancy test" in a made-up Secret Friend Language and gives her order to Glenn, both verbally and in writing, so that he'll grab one from the pharmacy up the road. Skipping ahead, Lori ends up peeing on the test outside in the dark - she REALLY wants to keep this a secret. The thing is, Rick wouldn't have followed her in if she had gone to the bathroom to do it. He doesn't seem like a co-pee husband. Thus, we have proof that Lori is going crazy and will need to be dispatched with soon.

Glenn goes to the abandoned pharmacy up the road with Maggie, Hershel's youngest daughter. They "fall in love" right there in the aisle, and so do their horses as they wait outside. Then they do a huge double-wedding out in town square, with tons of zombies on Glenn's side and tons of farmers or something on Maggie's, and it's so cute because when she tosses the bouquet, all the zombies swarm on it like it's human flesh, and when they find out it's not, they get really riled up. Big mistake, newlyweds!!!!!! They escape but foolishly keep the "Just Married" cans on the back of their car. It attracts zombies from miles around.

At Hershel's, the gang finds a nasty bloated zombie at the bottom of a well. It looks like Behemoth from The Nightmare Before Christmas but with less wondrous eyes.

In an effort to keep the water supply uninfected, everybody decides to pull the zombie up while it's still alive. Obviously the brace buckles, and Glenn falls within foot-biting distance of Zombehemoth. No no no no!!!!!!! In the end, Glenn dodges all potential foot-bites and, in fact, gets the rope securely around the zombie's fat, disgusting head. In the end it's all for nothing, because Fatass breaks in half and ruins the well water anyway. I must say, this is a surprise - I thought for sure that this zombie would need to be kept "alive" for a specific reason. But I ain't sayin' nuttin'. Except this: I'm bewildered and pleased that Zombehemoth hasn't yet begun to haunt my dreams.

Daryl finds a flower?



That's just about the long and short of the episode. And oh yeah, Hershel hates guns. Hershel Green, the Christian farmer, hates guns. Still sounds prettttttttttty Jewish to me.

Production stills courtesy amctv.com

PS The high school from last week is Newnan High School. Basically diametrically opposite my hometown in relation to Atlanta. OK, I GET IT WALKING DEAD. I'M NOT A CHARACTER IN YOU.

The Best Part Of Jimmy Kimmel's "Kids I Ate Your Candy" Thing

The best part of Jimmy Kimmel's Halloween call for parents to prank their kids is definitely these two brothers at the end:



The older one might as well be Danny McBride and the younger one is the best improviser I've seen in years. Youuuuuuu SNEAKY Mom! Somebody bring me these children!

Save The Last One (For Friday)

Zombies and Gentlezombies,

Sunday's Walking Dead episode begins with a pensive Shane shaving his head next to a hot running shower. Why is he shaving? Why is he pensive? And why does he insist on wasting so much water every single episode? To find out, we must first turn back the sands of time.

Shane and Otis are still stuck in school, but now they're sprinting away from the copious zombies they attracted in the parking lot. Remember how I suggested that each of these postzombiepocalyptic scenarios is a potentially solvable puzzle? This puzzle is now a shitshow. Not only do Shane and Otis suffer bad falls, but they're also carrying extra weight now that they've fetched Hershel's supplies. At this point they're both limping as slowly as the zombies 5 feet behind them are staggering. Ohhhhh no.



Back at the ranch (Hershel's farm), Carl wakes up only to go into shock from all the pain he now realizes he's in. Rick is helpless, so he keeps trying to give blood. Lori is helpless, period. Hershel needs their go-ahead to operate on Carl without the special supplies, but Lori hesitates because she might just want Carl to die. Hey, some common ground! Welcome, Lori, to my den of wishing Carl dead! But wait. Is this a huge mistake? Should I be inviting Carl into my den of wishing Lori dead? And more importantly, do they have a den about me? Where do I fit in all of this? Doesn't anyone care if I want Carl to go through surgery?!

Lori thinks he would be better off dying in his sleep than in 1,000 zombies' mouths. I tend to agree, but I also understand that this mindset is no way to fortify a zombie-survivor story. Choosing to live is the prevalent theme throughout the episode, and everyone wonders why exactly they're choosing it.



Daryl takes Andrea through the woods to look for Sofia in the dark, where she'll definitely be out in the open and easily visible. They come across a [spoiler?] zombie in a noose tied to a tree, where he hanged himself as a bitten human. He chose to die, a decision Dale took away from Andrea back at the end of Season 1. And although she's more or less off suicide watch, she's still clueless as to why she's living. Daryl shoots the zombie in the head and wastes a cross-arrow to learn her a lesson: Don't waste your time and energy on a harmless moron. Does this relate to choosing to live? Maybe you should let people who want to kill themselves kill themselves. PS, Daryl got lost in the woods for a full week when he was 9? Damn, son. Note to everyone: when the Zombiepocalypse comes, find a Daryl.

And so Lori contemplates Carl's reason for living, Andrea contemplates her own, and [spoiler again [although the entire blog has a spoiler alert on top, so come on]] Shane contemplates Otis's. In Shane's mind, it all adds up to 2 slowpokes dying along with Carl OR 1 slowpoke dying and the other saving Carl's life (plus his own, tee hee oopsie!). Shane gives it to Otis in the leg so he can become zombie bait, leaving Shane to escape and be a hero. OR IS HE? Either way, the puzzle is solved.



More Thoughts on the Episode's Theme:
The theme (choosing to live) presents a great question. Why would one choose to keep living when all hope is lost? It's not like you can return to the days of electricity, running water, and edible food (unless you're Hershel and you have your own generator, underground water system, and cow pasture). You're stuck in a very harsh world, and in this case there are zombies at every turn trying to eat you no matter what you do! Why run from death when it's the only sure thing in your life?

There are a few ways to approach the dilemma: First of all, if you're in this situation, you are one of the random, lucky few who didn't die in the immediate apocalyptic event. Doesn't that suggest that, in this topsy-turvy world, luck might mean something and you might keep having it? Second, you owe it to the other survivors to keep going. They can't live alone. They need the collective "you," and theoretically they've decided to live for a good reason. Can you honestly contribute to killing them as well? Third, everyone wants to keep humanity going, right? Right? Humans are great, right? Stuff it, we will keep living here until the moon nukes us with green cheese. AND THEN WE'LL HAVE A CHEESE PARTY! STUFF IT, EXTINCTION!

all photos courtesy amctv.com