07 March 2010
Molly Ringwald, Are You Frightened?
Her eyes are so big and unblinking. And she's wearing doodles on her arms!
My Win Tally
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz...+1
Best Animated: Up...+1
Best Song: Crazy Heart...+1
Drink: Layer Dip Namesake
Best Animated: Up...+1
Best Song: Crazy Heart...+1
Drink: Layer Dip Namesake
The Real Hosts
I think Martin and Baldwin were buckled into their airborne stand because they started out trashed.
Alec Baldwin's Gems So Far:
Alec Baldwin's Gems So Far:
- Invictus covers Martin's two favorite things: Rugby and tensions between blacks and whites.
- That cut-away of James Cameron has already earned $3 million.
- (After being corrected about Jennifer Garner being married to Ben Affleck, not Matt Damon) You are so naive.
Oscar Night Snacks
Around 2pm today, when I realized that I would be watching the Oscars from the safety of my own home, I scrambled to throw together an appropriate Oscar night snack. Now, 4 minutes before the Oscars, I can safely say that I have put together a great snack. The idea came from my roommate Zach:
The layers are, from the top:
1. Dusting of cumin
2. Melted cheese dip
3. Sliced black olives
4. Sliced green onions
5. Diced tomatoes
6. Sprinkling of garlic salt and lime juice
7. Taco seasoning sauce
8. Diced avocados
9. Refried beans
District 9-Layer Dip
The layers are, from the top:1. Dusting of cumin
2. Melted cheese dip
3. Sliced black olives
4. Sliced green onions
5. Diced tomatoes
6. Sprinkling of garlic salt and lime juice
7. Taco seasoning sauce
8. Diced avocados
9. Refried beans
Oscar Drinking Game
Just in case you don't have an Oscar Night drinking game yet, my roommates and I have come up with one of our own for the evening. Feel free to play along with us! First, you have to make your predictions for each category using either a ballot (like this from imdb) or out loud before the winner is announced. Then:
1. Drink if you were wrong.
2. If you're the only one who was right, you get to make up a rule.
3. Drink if someone un/wittingly says something laughable.
4. Start drinking when music starts playing someone off, and don't stop until that person stops talking.
5. Drink when a nominee makes a good face at the camera.
More rules to come!
1. Drink if you were wrong.
2. If you're the only one who was right, you get to make up a rule.
3. Drink if someone un/wittingly says something laughable.
4. Start drinking when music starts playing someone off, and don't stop until that person stops talking.
5. Drink when a nominee makes a good face at the camera.
More rules to come!
06 March 2010
Zach Galifianakis, The Funniest Man On Earth
Last night, Zach Galifianakis blew SNL out of the water. It was astounding. He is the funniest man on earth. My cheeks still hurt from smiling for a solid 90 minutes. Zach Galifianakis, you are it.
After a very long cold open about the popularity of health care reform, ZG had the best monologue I've ever seen. "It's great to be back hosting SNL...no?" He came up with 7 or 8 hilarious explanations for his costume ("lighthouse keeper," "homeless professor"), then hopped on the piano for even more hilarity. He ended by proclaiming that "Hoobastank is here!" Tell me, who is as effortlessly funny as ZG? No one. To prove it, I'll copy/paste a few of the notes I took during the monologue:
"that is hilarious. why is he so funny? ... He makes me laugh so much!... THIS IS THE BEST SNL THERE'S EVER BEEN. at the piano he just keeps saying funny stuff. It's amazing."
Immediately following the monologue, there's the hugest Hey Jenny alert of the year - she's the unsuspecting girlfriend brought to meet the Make Out Family this time around. This iteration was better than ever. They moved the family to a Greek Orthodox funeral, and literally a thousand new amazing ideas came out of it. Bill Hader french kissed a dog (like the dog from Eloise), Fred Armisen french kissed a corpse, and Jenny Slate made some FUNNY faces. The Vogelczecks have a family motto: "Never say you're sorry, and never admit you're wrong." Just watch it!
Oh man, next was the bidet sketch, and my raucous laughter continued. Two very reserved, high-class individuals (ZG and Wiig) asked a bellhop (Samberg) several discrete questions about the bidet in their luxury suite. They were trying to keep their horrible plans secret from the bellhop, but it was clear that they were up to something both weird and dependent on a functional bidet. Bidet!
ZG has been on television for a long time, as documented in a montage of him appearing on every show in history. Trust me, it was hilarious. It also came in handy after the commercial break, when Kathie Lee brought him in from outside the Today Show studio to set him up with Hoda. This was the funniest Kathie Lee sketch there's been in a long time. She talked about dressing up her Franzia box as Frank, and sang "nobody knowwws the differrrrrence" to the tune of Carly Simon's eternal Bond hit. Tasers had no effect on her. THIS IS THE GREATEST SNL OF THE ENTIRE SEASON!
Vampire Weekend, I watched all of you. Wow!
Weekend Update Update:
Vampire Weekend Update: still great. I have long wondered if the drummer was the mystery man from my Columbia University Umbrella Story: I was walking back from a sociology class in the rain when suddenly an umbrella opened over me. The guy holding it said it looked like I could use the umbrella. His name was Chris, and he walked me back to my dorm. I said thanks, then promptly forgot his face and never got his last name. I have hated myself for years for not being able to figure out who this person was. And all I'm saying is, the drummer's name is Chris. Could be?
The final sketch of the night was a Pageant Dad's talk show. Jenny Slate played ZG's braindead daughter, and Kristen Wiig was his angry, ashtray-throwing beard. It's worth a watch, and I'll post the link as soon as I can find it.
There is no way I could possibly decide on my favorite line of the night. Suffice it to say that Zach Galifianakis is the funniest man on earth, and literally everything he said was my favorite. And what luck: I just found out John Lutz is married, so it looks like there's a new opening in my crush department. Yoo hoo, Zach!
After a very long cold open about the popularity of health care reform, ZG had the best monologue I've ever seen. "It's great to be back hosting SNL...no?" He came up with 7 or 8 hilarious explanations for his costume ("lighthouse keeper," "homeless professor"), then hopped on the piano for even more hilarity. He ended by proclaiming that "Hoobastank is here!" Tell me, who is as effortlessly funny as ZG? No one. To prove it, I'll copy/paste a few of the notes I took during the monologue:
"that is hilarious. why is he so funny? ... He makes me laugh so much!... THIS IS THE BEST SNL THERE'S EVER BEEN. at the piano he just keeps saying funny stuff. It's amazing."
Immediately following the monologue, there's the hugest Hey Jenny alert of the year - she's the unsuspecting girlfriend brought to meet the Make Out Family this time around. This iteration was better than ever. They moved the family to a Greek Orthodox funeral, and literally a thousand new amazing ideas came out of it. Bill Hader french kissed a dog (like the dog from Eloise), Fred Armisen french kissed a corpse, and Jenny Slate made some FUNNY faces. The Vogelczecks have a family motto: "Never say you're sorry, and never admit you're wrong." Just watch it!
Oh man, next was the bidet sketch, and my raucous laughter continued. Two very reserved, high-class individuals (ZG and Wiig) asked a bellhop (Samberg) several discrete questions about the bidet in their luxury suite. They were trying to keep their horrible plans secret from the bellhop, but it was clear that they were up to something both weird and dependent on a functional bidet. Bidet!
ZG has been on television for a long time, as documented in a montage of him appearing on every show in history. Trust me, it was hilarious. It also came in handy after the commercial break, when Kathie Lee brought him in from outside the Today Show studio to set him up with Hoda. This was the funniest Kathie Lee sketch there's been in a long time. She talked about dressing up her Franzia box as Frank, and sang "nobody knowwws the differrrrrence" to the tune of Carly Simon's eternal Bond hit. Tasers had no effect on her. THIS IS THE GREATEST SNL OF THE ENTIRE SEASON!
Vampire Weekend, I watched all of you. Wow!
Weekend Update Update:- Becky loves a great LOST reference, plus Becky still wants healthcare reform
- "It's not often you find someone in Washington willing to pose for his own political cartoon."
- Kenan did a guest spot as Monique and this is the best he's ever looked.
- They obtained the audio from a recent goat chase and it's the Benny Hill song
- Will Forte was a fan of Women's Herstory Month and sang a really well constructed song about Women's Herstory and how much the high schools who wouldn't buy the rights to it are jerks. This is just one of Will Forte's amazing fortes.
Vampire Weekend Update: still great. I have long wondered if the drummer was the mystery man from my Columbia University Umbrella Story: I was walking back from a sociology class in the rain when suddenly an umbrella opened over me. The guy holding it said it looked like I could use the umbrella. His name was Chris, and he walked me back to my dorm. I said thanks, then promptly forgot his face and never got his last name. I have hated myself for years for not being able to figure out who this person was. And all I'm saying is, the drummer's name is Chris. Could be?
The final sketch of the night was a Pageant Dad's talk show. Jenny Slate played ZG's braindead daughter, and Kristen Wiig was his angry, ashtray-throwing beard. It's worth a watch, and I'll post the link as soon as I can find it.
There is no way I could possibly decide on my favorite line of the night. Suffice it to say that Zach Galifianakis is the funniest man on earth, and literally everything he said was my favorite. And what luck: I just found out John Lutz is married, so it looks like there's a new opening in my crush department. Yoo hoo, Zach!
05 March 2010
The Tool Least Modest
Last Sunday's Tool Academy focused on modesty, and each tool's obligatory self-portrait was almost as sad as the accompanying explanation. Neandertool was so confused, he didn't even realize that he assured Trina (Licensed Couples Therapist) that he was just saying what she wanted to hear. Boy Band Tool drew himself as a robot, and Teary Tool wept from shame at a huge secret from his past (he was poor growing up). He introduced it as melodramatically as Michael Scott from The Office: "What I'm about to tell you is one of the hardest things...I could probably say. It's a big family secret." Trina helped him through it "Big Time," then tried to counsel Meth Tool until it became abundantly clear that he would benefit from several sessions' worth of actual therapy.
Their challenge for the week was to sit behind a 2-way mirror, watching focus group participants rag on their audition tapes. The focus group itself seemed to have been cast with Real World rejects and that Asian ex-prostitute from Reno 911 (whose best advice went to Mrs. Married Tool: "He's not gonna change until he's ready. So you know what? Bye! Peace! Divorce! Bye!"). Suddenly, three fights erupted at once! Loony Tool stormed out embarrassed at the focus group's comments, then Neandertool flexingly reminded Toolette's boyfriend not to talk to his girlfriend, then the Meth Tools got into a fistfight. Meanwhile, Toolette was squawking in the corner like she was animatronic.
Trina jumped in and saved the day ("She's like the emotional SWAT team, man"), and the rest of the challenge wrapped up with minimal posturing. The comments got rough enough that Trina had to visit the tools at home afterwards to re-explain the exercise as a journey through modesty. Her shirt happened to spill open, revealing a tan, freckled flat expanse of skin, but none of the tools were impressed. What if this show were actually about Cougar Trina's quiet hunt for prey? That would make everything different and nothing different, all at the same time.
In the end, Meth Tool flunked the Academy for reasons totally unrelated to the Modesty merit badge. For the love of God, please keep this person in therapy. He broke up with his girlfriend ("Can't expect me to turn a ho into a housewife"), who might have also been his baby-mama. Ostensibly he went back to the closed-door room in his grandma's house to practice rave sticks for another few years. Trina, do you do pro-bono? Would you? Please?
My dvr didn't record next week's promo, but I would guess that Neandertool is ready to try to beat up Toolette's boyfriend. He's probably not ready to realize that her boyfriend has clearly done a stint in the military. Tool fight!
Their challenge for the week was to sit behind a 2-way mirror, watching focus group participants rag on their audition tapes. The focus group itself seemed to have been cast with Real World rejects and that Asian ex-prostitute from Reno 911 (whose best advice went to Mrs. Married Tool: "He's not gonna change until he's ready. So you know what? Bye! Peace! Divorce! Bye!"). Suddenly, three fights erupted at once! Loony Tool stormed out embarrassed at the focus group's comments, then Neandertool flexingly reminded Toolette's boyfriend not to talk to his girlfriend, then the Meth Tools got into a fistfight. Meanwhile, Toolette was squawking in the corner like she was animatronic.
Trina jumped in and saved the day ("She's like the emotional SWAT team, man"), and the rest of the challenge wrapped up with minimal posturing. The comments got rough enough that Trina had to visit the tools at home afterwards to re-explain the exercise as a journey through modesty. Her shirt happened to spill open, revealing a tan, freckled flat expanse of skin, but none of the tools were impressed. What if this show were actually about Cougar Trina's quiet hunt for prey? That would make everything different and nothing different, all at the same time.
In the end, Meth Tool flunked the Academy for reasons totally unrelated to the Modesty merit badge. For the love of God, please keep this person in therapy. He broke up with his girlfriend ("Can't expect me to turn a ho into a housewife"), who might have also been his baby-mama. Ostensibly he went back to the closed-door room in his grandma's house to practice rave sticks for another few years. Trina, do you do pro-bono? Would you? Please?
My dvr didn't record next week's promo, but I would guess that Neandertool is ready to try to beat up Toolette's boyfriend. He's probably not ready to realize that her boyfriend has clearly done a stint in the military. Tool fight!
04 March 2010
Who Is This Serena Van Der Woodsen Lookalike?
In honor of Gossip Girl's long-awaited return this Monday (at 9/8 central), I'd like to share this photo I saw on tv. She looks like Blake, right? IT'S GENA ROWLANDS.
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