Another late recap, another great me-hap! ANTM was new two weeks ago, and it was the episode in which their foreign destination is announced - looks like the girls are going to Morocco! - but a lot happened before all that.
|"I will only allow this photograph to be taken with the express condition that Anna Wintour never, ever lay eyes on it, for I am Andre Leon Talley and homey will NOT play that."|
The episode starts with Brittani apologizing to Natural Swag for her temper tantrums over the past few days, and Swagxandria accepts the apology. My boyfriend Josh suggests that Natural Swag might be improving, but I refuse to agree. "But she's learning," he reasons. "But huge turds can't learn," I reply. "But...I'm the talent," argues Natural Swag pre-emptively a few weeks ago.
If you didn't know by now, Tyra booked 25 shows in Paris with only 3 photos in her portfolio when she was just starting out. You might have known that by now because it gets brought up a lot, particularly on Go-See Day. WHICH IS WHAT TODAY IS!
The girls have to guide their drivers around LA to get to all of their go-sees, and this season, it's ultra-important to hit as many as possible. (Even though they've only been given something like 3 hours to see 5 designers in very far-flung areas of LA.) Brittani and Jaclyn decide to play it safe after making it to only 2 go-sees, but it comes back to haunt them when Lana Marks shows up, who is apparently a very elegant zombie. Lombie Marks makes Alexandria, Molly, and Kasia pose with her purse collection, and when she asks Natty Swag why she'd want to get this campaign, Alexandria replies with "Why WOULDN'T I want to get this campaign?" Lombie Marks is thrilled and proclaims her the winner, then tries to eat her brains with a dainty salad fork.
|"I can't stop looking smug. 'Sorry,' everyone."|
A Tyra Mail comes for the girls, and my roommates and I discuss the fact that even though those notes always end with "Love, Tyra," it would be better/more accurate if they ended with "Love, Tyra Mail." Because it's not really Tyra's voice making up the riddles in these stupid things. Take this week for example: "A modeling career is a terrible thing to waste. Love, Tyra." Nah, Tyra didn't write that. Tyra Mail did. Tyra Mail is the riddle-bearing sphinx and Tyra is, uh, Tiresias.
Yet again, the girls are modeling with great heaps of trash. This happens nearly every season now, and even though it's well-worn ("recycled"!!!!!!!!!!!!!) territory, it's nice that ANTM advocates for reminding people that we continue to make tons of trash. Stinky-chic activism at its finest.
Nigel Barker shoots the girls and keeps complimenting Natural Swag on things she's not actually doing well. Then he gets pissy when he notices how much Molly complains, which, as it turns out, is all the time. "This is unsanitary!" "Does anybody have a BB gun?" "I hate you, birds!" Nigel reassures Brittani before her shoot, which is nice because it's totally voluntary. To make him proud, Brittani writhes around on the ground (actually just the topmost surface of leagues of packed-in garbage) to show how invested she really is. It's gross, but it's one of the things I like about her. She's pretty invested.
At Elimination, Natural Swag wears her velveteen choker YET AGAIN and this time I have a picture of it, along with another shit-eating grin:
|"I was so unsure of myself but now I can see through your eyes that I'm WONDERFUL!"|
|Baby V Jaclyn|
Tonight's episode: Franca Sozzani, herself!
photos courtesy CWtv.com