This Sunday, The Walking Dead inched closer to a climax that we've all been waiting for since first meeting Farmer Hershel, but it never got there. Further than that, I ain't sayin' nuttin'. Except this: Hershel Greene is the Jewiest name ever for a Southern Baptist farmer. Old MacGoyisheKop over here! OHHHHH!!!
I was reading the graphic novel last week in preparation for this episode, hoping that I'd be able to lessen the amount of physical trembling I'd inevitably go through. In the end I was as petrified as ever (waiting in vain for it all to go down), but I learned something in the meantime: we've completely skipped a section. Granted, lots of plot points diverge between the comic and the show, but typically the broad strokes remain the same. Perhaps you've heard the (semi)famous anecdote about Kirkman simply not realizing at the time that the CDC is in Atlanta. Instead of visiting our national biomedical emergency center, the comic book characters try living in a gated community for a few days. Man, I would've liked to see that. In the immortal words of that kid taxi driver who propositions Dottie in A League of Their Own, "Can't we do both?"
But let's get back to the things that actually do happen in "Cherokee Rose," the fourth installment of the second season. Surprise surprise, Sophia (HER NAME ACTUALLY MEANS "WISE"; HOW FOOLISH!) is still lost. Carl's doing a little better, now that he's had life-saving surgery and Lori has stopped trying to mercy-kill him (at least for now). She finally has time to focus on the little zygote growing in her belly, whose existence demands confirmation. Lori scribbles "pregnancy test" in a made-up Secret Friend Language and gives her order to Glenn, both verbally and in writing, so that he'll grab one from the pharmacy up the road. Skipping ahead, Lori ends up peeing on the test outside in the dark - she REALLY wants to keep this a secret. The thing is, Rick wouldn't have followed her in if she had gone to the bathroom to do it. He doesn't seem like a co-pee husband. Thus, we have proof that Lori is going crazy and will need to be dispatched with soon.
Glenn goes to the abandoned pharmacy up the road with Maggie, Hershel's youngest daughter. They "fall in love" right there in the aisle, and so do their horses as they wait outside. Then they do a huge double-wedding out in town square, with tons of zombies on Glenn's side and tons of farmers or something on Maggie's, and it's so cute because when she tosses the bouquet, all the zombies swarm on it like it's human flesh, and when they find out it's not, they get really riled up. Big mistake, newlyweds!!!!!! They escape but foolishly keep the "Just Married" cans on the back of their car. It attracts zombies from miles around.
At Hershel's, the gang finds a nasty bloated zombie at the bottom of a well. It looks like Behemoth from The Nightmare Before Christmas but with less wondrous eyes.
In an effort to keep the water supply uninfected, everybody decides to pull the zombie up while it's still alive. Obviously the brace buckles, and Glenn falls within foot-biting distance of Zombehemoth. No no no no!!!!!!! In the end, Glenn dodges all potential foot-bites and, in fact, gets the rope securely around the zombie's fat, disgusting head. In the end it's all for nothing, because Fatass breaks in half and ruins the well water anyway. I must say, this is a surprise - I thought for sure that this zombie would need to be kept "alive" for a specific reason. But I ain't sayin' nuttin'. Except this: I'm bewildered and pleased that Zombehemoth hasn't yet begun to haunt my dreams.
Daryl finds a flower?
That's just about the long and short of the episode. And oh yeah, Hershel hates guns. Hershel Green, the Christian farmer, hates guns. Still sounds prettttttttttty Jewish to me.
Production stills courtesy amctv.com
PS The high school from last week is Newnan High School. Basically diametrically opposite my hometown in relation to Atlanta. OK, I GET IT WALKING DEAD. I'M NOT A CHARACTER IN YOU.