21 November 2011

Secrets Secrets Are No Fun, Secrets Secrets BRAAAAIIINS

Boy oh boy, are things heating up at Hershel's Nonkosher Dairy! Thanks to Glenn's loose lips, Lori's pregnancy secret is out. The barnful of zombies secret is out, too, but nobody's doing anything about it except for the Chicken Lady, who's breaking chicken legs all over the place to keep her ex-neighbors well-fed and happy. Truly, Chicken Lady is the breakout star of "Secrets," the Midseason Finale Eve of Season 2. I mean breaklegs star.

Hershel hates having these people at his farm. They're gun-crazy zombie killers in his eyes, though he doesn't seem to notice that they're also resource hogs who are coming this close to a very successful coup of his farm. How is he planning on evicting them, with half-hearted shame? "Y'know, most guests don't stay for weeks on end. When were y'all thinkin of finally getting going?" If nothing else, the constant (bullet-wasting) gun practice would theoretically be drawing every nearby zombie to Hershel's property (even if it's farther out from the farm).

After a long moral struggle, Lori asks Glenn to go back to the pharmacy in town to get her a few more items. Conditioner, lotion, and oh yeah, Morning After pills. This is confusing: is Lori getting ready to pamper herself through a long pregnancy, or is she getting ready to end it all? In either case, what is the conditioner for? "Soft hair just makes me more me, you know?" As soon as Lori gathers the courage to take several doses of the pills, she runs to a field and throws them up. Excellent choice, wasting all the Morning After pills in one fell swoop. God knows Maggie won't ever need them, or any of the other all-woman party at Hershel's. THANKS AGAIN, LOR. SO GREAT WORKING WITH YOU!
PS: Lori's positive that the baby belongs to Rick. That's impossible to know, since he's only been back for about 3 weeks or so.

Out at the firing range, Andrea's getting good at shooting motionless targets. Shane decides to swing a tree branch out in front of her to simulate true-to-life swinging zombie targets. Granted, this is a great way to waste a few more bullets, but it doesn't seem to be working. Shane brings up Andrea's dead sister in order to bring out her dormant Angry Gunskills, but it's pointless - she still stinks.

Shane takes Andrea with him to look for Sofia in a nearby neighborhood. They discover a pile of burned corpses in a garage, and soon zombies from all over the street swarm the house and prevent further investigation. But what happened here? Did a garageload of bitten, feverish humans decide to end it before things got out of hand? Or is it a weird new thing that zombies do with corpses? Somehow they make it outside, and Shane refuses to shoot an attacking zombie to goad Andrea (yet again) into getting the hang of it. FINALLY something switches in her brain, and FINALLY she's an amazing shot. It almost makes the past few episodes of Andrea's temper tantrums worth it.

Then Andrea grabs Shane's deumer in the car and the Obnoxious Lovers Club is officially established. Back at Hershel's, Dale can immediately tell what happened between them, and he's pissed. Grandfatherly old farts can still feel jealousy, damn it. He's the one who just spent a week keeping Andrea away from her own gun, ostensibly keeping her alive during a suicidal (and thankless) period. He's the one with the hat and the RV. When will she open her eyes and see what's been right in front of her this whole time?? If I was your woman! If I was your woman! Dale takes out his anger the way he usually does, by giving unwanted advice to the women of camp:

Long live Dale and his nosy, ancient ways!

all photos courtesy amcTV.com

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