07 February 2013

A Short Story About Meryl Streep


Meryl Streep sits in her gorgeous, sun-drenched breakfast nook, sipping a fresh French-pressed coffee and reading the Times. Her Warby Parkers have fallen to the end of her nose, but she doesn't seem to mind. Her husband, Don Gummer, walks in wearing a robe and rubbing his eyes.

"Morning, dear," she says, peering over her glasses at her adoring husband.

"And a beautiful morning to you too, Mer," he replies as he kisses her on the forehead.

He pours himself the rest of the coffee in the French press and sits down next to Meryl. He notices something in the pile of newspaper sections she's already read.

"Looks like that Rihanna is back together with Chris Brown," he says.

"Hmm?" she asks, not looking up from the Business pages.

"It's such a shame when young women - role models, really - get back together with men who have raised a hand to them. It sends such a wrong-headed message to the girls of the world," he explains.

As he speaks, Meryl puts her paper down and walks over to the butchers block, above which various cast iron pans hang on a rack. She takes down the largest one.

"Making some eggs, Mer?" asks Don.

She walks back over to the nook and CLANGS Don in the face with the cast iron pan.

"RIHANNA...CAN HANDLE...HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screams, tears streaming down her face, catching on her Warby Parkers.

But seriously just in case: National Domestic Violence Hotline

photo courtesy BusinessInsider.com

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