Back home from the club, Deena pulls a small marionette out of her purse and dances drunkenly with it in the living room until finally mustering the courage to visit Pauly's room with no pants on (i.e. Deena's best thing). Pauly pretends to be asleep until she leaves (still with no pants on), then breathes a heavy sigh - not quite of relief, since he knows it's only the beginning, but of temporary reprieve nonetheless. It occurs to me that I can't tell if Deena knows he's faking, and I can't tell which would be worse: for her to shuffle around completely ignorant of Pauly's repulsion, or for her to know exactly what's going on but to continue to go after him anyway. Unfortunately for everyone, the second scenario is a bittersweet haiku of how these things usually do work in reality. Poor, poor Deena. Poor, poor unloved lovers.
The next morning, Sammi volunteers herself and Deena to cook Sunday dinner. She proceeds to smear a lot of different things on a tray and call it "a concoction." It plays out exactly like that Full House where Michelle makes like, tunafish ice cream for her cooking merit badge. In fact, that's probably where Sammi got the idea in the first place -- a lost episode of Full House hidden away in her memory. Yet another reason I watch this show: these people and I shared a childhood. We started out together yet became so different, as though an alternate universe split off and somehow created guidos instead of snarky, anemic bloggers. Will our paths converge again?
Snooki wakes up in the late afternoon and calls her boyfriend Jionni, who immediately screams at her for not calling sooner. Hearing the commotion, Situation slinks over to the phone area so he can listen in and eventually tell her to hang up on him. He then touches her knees for a long time, until an old-timey italian pizzeria owner calls and makes them come into their first day of work. Does this mean they all have work visas? In the end it's not an issue. Snooki pats a lump of dough like a baby's bottom for a few hours, and then they all go home.
That night at the club, Ronnie gets extremely drunk extremely quickly. He brags about flying a girl out to Italy, and I can tell you this because I could actually read the captions that are normally covered up by mtv's extraneous "corner" logos. As of this episode, the captions move over to the side when logos come up! They might have been doing that for a while already.
Finally, finally, Sammi and Ronnie get into their first fight. It never actually comes to fruition, thanks to Ronnie's refusal to engage. But it bears the full weight of Sammi's bruised ego, now that she's heard Ronnie plans on bringing lots of ladies home. To relax, Ronnie jacuzzis with Vinny. They notice that the water jets move their bodies ever closer to each other. It pleases me that bromance is becoming more low-key. Ronnie and Vinny are comfortable floating next to each other, making minimal jokes about the fact that it's happening. No one brings up boners or homosexuality or even the word "bromance." How refreshing!
At dinner Pauly somehow makes Deena feel stupid. He buys her a bracelet and apologizes. A fist-pumping Pinocchio plays a large part in the scene. They go to the club again that night, and the boys encounter girls who might be too young for them. How can they tell if a girl is too young? "If she's got a basket on her bicycle," "if parental controls are still on the tv in her bedroom," "if she only owns Snow White on dvd," or "if her Keds still light up." They stand on the shoulders of Foxworthian giants and everyone wins! Seriously, that Snow White one is great.
Back at home, Sammi tries to cuddle with Ronnie. He's tempted, but he's also more interested in being sodomized by a "spiked bat." I feel like Sammi would indulge that, but she doesn't because these crazy kids are finally becoming more cautious, thank goodness. If only that made for good television.
Next week, Deena pulls a robbery on one of the guys and walks away with his girl. A fascinating adaptation to her perpetually disappointing relationships with men. The Ballads of Deena continue!
photos courtesy mtv.com
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