Mad Men Recap: "In Care Of"

Here we are, at the end of Mad Men's 1968, staring at the back of a woman's head sitting in Don's corner office. Granted, Peggy isn't holding the cigarette, but I'm pretty sure the silhouette is supposed to mean something. At the very least, it means Lou Avery isn't getting everything Don leaves behind.

In a season finale that focuses on running away, telling the God's honest truth, and finally parenting for once, it's hard to nail down just one theme to follow. So instead, I'll just run amok like usual and hope that Roger's daughter doesn't uninvite me to Thanksgiving for it. Because she is one huge bitch.

Mad Men Recap: "The Quality Of Mercy" [Or, Secret Lover Sunday]

Last night's Mad Men focused on three sets of secret loves, and somehow, for once, none of them included Don Draper. These affairs run the gamut of aware involvement, from Bob's declarative willingness to Teggy's infuriating reluctance to call anything anything. And something tells me Sally planned her entire evening without even informing herself of her plans. Free love this is not.

Mad Men Recap: "Favors"

I try not to read other people's recaps before writing my own, but I read Matt Zoller Seitz's on Monday because I couldn't help it, and it's very worth the read. And while you're there, check out the URL because it's hilarious. So here's my half-talk-back/half-becklectic-original attempt at figuring out what the heck is wrong with these people.

TOMORROW

Mad Men Recap: "A Tale Of Two Cities" [Plus A Bunch Of Riots]

Beginning thoughts:
1. Why is Mad Men's LA always such a hippie shitshow? Seriously, everyone there is a total freak 100% of the time and I don't understand why.
2. MEREDITH, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!
3. Good for Pete.

Mad Men Recap: "The Better Half" [Or, The One Mosquitos Ignore]

Why is it that 75% of my Mad Men emotional energy is spent worrying that Roger Sterling is about to die? Even after Lane's suicide, I'm still constantly worried that another shoe is ready to drop. ROGER, STAY ALIVE. PLEASE! And Joan, DO WHAT YOU CAN TO KEEP HIM ALIVE! PLEASE!!! IF THIS MEANS MARRYING HIM AND HAVING HIM CO-RAISE KEVIN, SO BE IT!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT! JUST DO IT!

Mad Men Recap: "The Crash" [Or, "The Complete & Utter Fever Dream That Was Last Night's Episode"]

I should preface this by admitting I kept dozing off during Mad Men last night - not because it was boring, but because of the oddly drowsy mixture of traveling all day and then watching the entirety of SCDPCGC move in fast motion for an hour. I would close my eyes for a second, and then suddenly there'd be a strange woman in the Drapers' apartment. Or Ken would go from bruised hobbling to perfectly controlled tap dancing. Or Betty would be thin and blonde again. I kept waiting for Don to wake up from his nap on the couch. This isn't my dream OR his? Seriously?

***Oh, and by the way, Time Warner Cable erased our recording as soon as it ended. We were watching it a few minutes delayed, and then it just disappeared. THANKS AGAIN, TIME WARNER CABLE!

Mad Men Recap: "Man with a Plan"

To be clear, no man (or woman) has any plan whatsoever in Sunday's episode of Mad Men. With the merger of CGC and SCDP at hand, new desk assignments fly around almost at random. The creative team flounders in vain to come up with a pitch for Fleischmann's margarine. Joan deals with her shooting stomach pain by ignoring it. Ted takes Don up in a plane through the worst thunderstorm of all time. These are people who look plans in the face and say "Nah, no thanks." But despite their best efforts, the lives of our SCDP employees seem to shape up into something useful anyway.

Don's affairs have always seemed to satisfy a chaos drive - he never knows if he'll get caught, how much these women will blab about their new suave boyfriend, or if they'll get disgruntled enough to try to murder him one day for being such a dick. By dating the housewife downstairs, Don's begging for a shitstorm.  And so, without realizing it, when he hears Sylvia come close to breaking up with Arnold, Don does his best to slip out of the affair. It might get too easy if she becomes single.

Sylvia calls Don at work on the first day of the big merger and demands his services. He has her go to a hotel and stay there for hours and hours, occasionally coming in to boss her around and say weird 50 Shades things like "Why would you think you're going anywhere? You're here for me. You exist in this room for my pleasure." When he leaves again and takes her book with him, Sylvia's finally like "Ok, that's it. That's enough. He took my book, so I'm done." Good call, Sylvia. There isn't even a tv in there. S&M may be cool or whatever, but sitting around in a dark room waiting for sex crap without even a magazine is NOT.

When Sylvia says goodbye, she tells him something along the lines of "it's time to go home." I can't wait to see what "home" means for Don. Megan has helped him through some psychological issues before, and I hope that can happen again. I want more of the whorehouse childhood and less of the "my young hot wife doesn't get me" claptrap. And PS, mark my words: you know how they swore up and down that Don and Peggy would never end up together? I'm just recording it here first: they will. Real-life Draper Daniels married his Peggy, and Lost lied to our FACES about how it wouldn't end up just being stupid Purgatory. I'm all for the complex, non-romantic nature of Don and Peggy's relationship, but I also have a hunch, and it needed to be said. Do I want it that way? Who knows! Is Damon Lindelof a total liar? Yes, absolutely!

For seeming so conniving, Ted Chaoueuoe is a surprisingly likable guy. He's forthright to a fault, giving up his chair for a secretary and sitting on the fact that he HAS A PILOTS LICENSE LIKE A FREAKING HERO. After holding a "rap session about margarine in general," Ted loses an unofficial drinking match with Don. His hospitalized ex-partner's advice to walk back into the office like he owns the place leads Ted to take Don up in his two-seater in the middle of a giant thunderstorm. It restores the balance of power between the two creatives. I mean, just look at Don's white knuckles:

 

As good as I feel about Ted's trustworthiness nowadays, it's hard to apply that feeling to Bob Benson. Granted, he takes Joan to the hospital when she desperately needs to go, and sure, his only real crime so far seems to be excessive brown-nosing. There's still something undeniably fishy about him. Maybe it's his ease in lying to a triage nurse, or maybe it's the way he tried to pay for Pete's hooker last week. This rug we're all standing on seems like it's about to be pulled. In the end, Bob's work pays off: Joan saves his position from a personnel-slashing Harry Hamlin. The plan has worked beautifully, and Bob Benson smells like a rose.

There's another merger in the episode, so to speak, and it's between Pete and his discombobulated mother. Pete's brother can't take care of her any longer, and it's time Pete pulls a little weight by taking care of her in his apartment. To his horror, she keeps calling him out of the office for help, and he keeps missing important meetings. It's no shock that when she wakes him up to tell him RFK died, he doesn't believe her. She is a plan-ruiner through and through, and she can't even keep Trudy vs. Judy straight. For God's sake, old age is inconvenient. I'm genuinely surprised Pete hasn't already tried to mercy-kill her with a pillow.

Plans are great, but they rarely go the way they're supposed to. Burt Peterson planned to return to SCDP with some respect, but Roger made sure to kill that dream immediately. Stan probably planned to stay mad at Peggy, but her knowledge of Napoleon trivia made that impossible. Megan's trying to plan a new vacation to Hawaii with Don, but that's not likely to happen either, at least not how she would want it. You know how the Yiddish say "Man plans, God laughs?" I bet Bob Benson's plans give God the SHIVERRRSSSSS!

photos courtesy amctv.com
gif courtesy nymag.com

Mad Men Recap: "For Immediate Release"

When it rains, it pours. The second that a few partners at SCDP decide to take the company public, every single solitary thing that could possibly happen to the business happens to the business: Don cuts Jaguar loose. Roger scores a presentation with Chevy. Pete loses Vicks at a whorehouse. Cutler, Gleason, and Chaousugha join forces with Sterling, Cooper, Draper, and Price. CGCSCDP wins Chevy. Bob Benson burns the whole thing to the ground as he gallops around in maniacal laughter. (That part happens next week.) In the course of an hour, the agency runs the gamut of existence, and it feels a lot like the day SCDP was created in the first place.

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH PETE
Despite last week's reminder of his Cos Cob exile, Pete slips into bed with Trudy like it never happened. He's about to get rich by taking the company public, so obviously he deserves to have sex with his nonconsenting wife, who's wearing her most fabulous nightgown yet. Once rebuffed, Pete visits a whorehouse to celebrate plan-B style. It is there that he spies Trudy's father (and head of Vicks, one of SCDP's most important clients) with "the biggest, blackest prostitute you've ever seen." It's hilarious...until Trudy's father pulls his business from the agency the next day.

Pete visits Mr. ExplainsItAll to make sure he understands the idea of mutually assured destruction. Now that Pete's secret is out, the "biggest, blackest prostitute" secret is sure to follow. Trudy's father basically dares him to tell, and when Pete lays it all out on the table for Trudy, he doesn't gain much. Trudy's like "GET YOUR THINGS AND GO." I guess Pete's fully going through a divorce now. Poor, dumb baldy.

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH PEGGY
Peggy's West 80s apartment is cute and everything, and the neighborhood's totally vibrant and all, but the human shit on the staircase is getting a little old. I'm starting to reexamine Abe's "where our kids should grow up" shtick from last week. He said it so easily then, like manipulation was the farthest thing from his mind, but this week Abe seems distant and pissy. His late-60s shaggy mustache makes him look like college-aged Nick from New Girl. These mustaches don't want kids. They just want shitty marimba music at all hours of the night.

And so I'm forced to reexamine that other thing from last week's episode, the thing where Ted and Peggy shared a look at the awards dinner. "That's not what that is," I assured myself then. "He just admires her talent." But no, here are Ted and Peggy, each coming up with a paper-thin excuse to stay late at work. The aftermath of their inevitable kiss is far from what I expected; Ted seems happy to end it there while Peggy's ready for more. Our girl Peggy's got Lonely-Girlitis, such that she falls in love with any man who shows one iota of interest. Her giddiness about carrying Abe's future children pales in comparison to her willing participation in movie theater hand-jobs and late night boss-kissing. She's as horny and unfaithful as Don, Pete, and Pete's father-in-law, and I doubt she's going to stay in the West 80s for much longer.

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH DON
Pete, Joan, and Bert Cooper have chosen to keep Don and Roger out of the going-public discussion, and I'm not sure why. The two absent partners have opposite responses to being kept in the dark: Don quits an old client while Roger picks up a new one. Jaguar's close to leaving the agency, and Don can sense it. Roger wants to take Herb the Prostitute-Maker out to a "spouse-packed" dinner to soften the blow, so Don brings Megan and her mother Marie (as Roger's date). Unfortunately, Roger bails completely and the ladies all go to the bathroom at the same time, leaving Don alone with Herb. Disgusted with Herb since the Joan debacle, Don gives him the what-for. While I can appreciate his moral outrage, Don just single-handedly sank the company without even checking with anyone first. Pete's so mad, he falls down the stairs. And, understandably, Joan is also VERY. PISSED. OFF.

Luckily for everyone, Roger's dating a stewardess! She tips him off whenever important-looking businessmen come into the airport, and Roger ends up getting a presentation with Chevy that way. SCDP gets to pitch the Car of the Future, and little do they know, CGC is pitching as well. Don and Roger find out about losing Vicks while they're on route to their meeting in Detroit. It casts a pretty dark shadow* over their pitch.
*Dark Shadows, get it?!

That night, a restless Don finds his way (yet again) to the hotel bar. Ted Chaoueullgh walks in with a loud "Damn it!" and ends up sharing a drink with his suave competitor. Their small agencies are always losing clients to the big guys, who end up stealing their ideas anyway. "Heyyyyyyy, waitttt a minutttteee!!!" Ted and Don say in unison, "What if WE become da big guy?!?!?! And steal our OWN ideas?!?!?!?!?!" From this point on, Ted and Don speak exclusively in unison for the rest of their lives.

"Wwweeeeeee arreeeeee combinnningggg compannieesssss," they explain to Peggy, whose Ted-boner deflates faster than a slashed tire. "Wrriiiiitee ourrr pressssssss releeeease!!!" She types up a notice set "for immediate release," and just like that, she's back to working with Don. LET'S JUST HOPE HE NEVER TRIES TO KISS HER!!!!

photos courtesy AMCTV.com and tumblr

Mad Men Recap: Taking Inventory

"Now is the time a man and woman need to be together most!...You gonna get on the ark with your father?" asks Ginsberg Sr. during last night's "The Flood." Unfolding around the assassination of MLK Jr., Mad Men asks whom everyone will have with them when "the flood" hits. In the wake of this particular tragedy, Don discovers his amazing son at the same time as Pete realizes he's lost his wife and daughter. It's a disorienting night for families all around.

During the advertising awards banquet, SCDP is seated so far away from the dais, they can barely see guest speaker Paul Newman. Peggy's table is just as far, and her friend Harry Hamlin is giving Megan a look like they'll be married by the end of next season. While the famed monogamist* speaks, someone yells the news that MLK's been shot. In the chaos afterwards, Don forgets all about Peggy's perceived wrongdoings and offers her a ride home. Their temporary reunion is one of the few positive outcomes of the tragedy.
*Let's just say Paul Newman knows exactly who's on "the ark" with him.

Peggy has been in the market for a new apartment, and a fabulously fur-coated Lennon Parham has shown her a place on York Avenue. It's about as far east as you could possibly go in Manhattan, and Peggy's lover/non-financially-contributing roommate Abe is more into the West 80s. He's more interested in raising children there, which flips Peggy's switch like an electrocuted circuit breaker. "KIDS!?!?!?!?!" she repeats, her jaw on the floor. She's in love all over again.

Speaking of kids, Don forgets to pick up his brood in the confusion and panic following the assassination. Even with riots still breaking out all over Harlem, Betty forces Don to come fetch the goddamn children, since Bobby's driving her crazy by tearing up the misaligned wallpaper in the Francis Mansion. Bobby completely kills it this episode. He fakes a stomachache so he can watch tv while Sally does some dumb park thing with Megan. He tells the truth about being punished with no TV and gets taken to see Planet of the Apes twice. Once he understands the ending, he sighs "Jesus" and then offers solace to a black janitor at the theater. Later that night, he can't sleep because he's scared Henry will be shot. This kid's got his act together. He's an entire person. Don's in love all over again, and I am too.

Sylvia and the good doctor are visiting DC for the episode, and I have to say that it's 1000x better to watch Don with his son than Don with his Catholic mistress. Mad Men suddenly has the Wes Anderson flourishes you'd expect a late 60s-set show to have. I mean, would you look at this Milk Duds box Don has to open for Bobby?? More Bobby! MORE BOBBY FOREVER!!

Across town, another dutiful son finds that his father set him up on a surprise blind date. Ginsberg takes the lovely Jewish teacher Beverly to a diner and stumbles all over himself, chiding his soup order and admitting that, yes, he's a virgin, it's no big deal. Jon Snow was a virgin too, it's actually no big deal, really, no big deal at all, so you can stop talking about it already. He goes home to be with his father.

Meanwhile, Pete physically can't go home. Trudy's still enforcing the Cos Cob exile, and Pete's stuck in his Manhattan apartment eating Chinese takeout alone. At work the next day, he gets into it with Harry Crane after Harry bitches about not getting to air commercials during all this news coverage. "That man had a wife and four children," Pete counters. And now he has no wife and no children. I guess now that Pete and Harry have faced off and Pete was on the side of decency, we know how we're supposed to feel about Harry.

So how are we supposed to feel about Ethan Rom? He's introduced as "Brandon Walsh," like from 90210, and then everyone slyly changes it to "Randall Walsh," like that changes anything. This dude is a freak. He sing-croaks like a frog, and Stan giggles up a storm. "The heavens are telling us to change!" I didn't get any of that.

 

In the midst of watching all of our tragedy-adjacent white characters deal with the tragedy, we see snippets of African American characters face the news. Diner workers collapse in tears, and secretaries come into work despite expectations that they'll stay home. Dawn and Peggy's secretary both fight to stay at work, and Dawn receives the awkwardest hug of all time from Joan. These characters are dealing with the assassination happening to them, in their neighborhoods, while our main characters are far enough away from the threat that they can take inventory of their family members. Don even gets the luxury of realizing he loves his own son.

In the aftermath of a huge shakeup, it's only natural to look for someone close to you. Some people have them, and some people don't. Who did Dawn spend that night with, hiding from potential riots? Were Joan and Roger completely alone, and is their separation a hint at what's missing from their lives? Why didn't we see Joan with her son and mother? And why does Megan's dad have to be such an asshole all the time?


photos courtesy amctv.com

Mad Men Recap: Double Crossers!

Last night's "To Have and to Hold" followed Don and Pete's secretive "Project K," Joan's unappreciated role in the SCDP partnership, and the conundrum Megan faces when her work makes Don jealous. Each storyline features a double-cross, and each character has at least 15 seconds' worth of Oscar-worthy, very pissed-off spaz attacks. Sincerely, every single person in the cast of Mad Men is in turn WAY PISSED. And it adds up to one great hour of television.

Don and Pete introduce the green-blazered Heinz Ketchup to "Project K" at Pete's apartment, shrouding the pitch in secrecy to keep Baked Beans from finding out. They're chasing "the green" even though they've committed to exclusivity with Beans. The dirty double-crossers smoke a joint in their tin-foiled secret office and come up with "Pass the Heinz," a pitch featuring gorgeous ketchup-loving foods that just seem incomplete without that drizzle of red. Don's pretty proud of himself...until he realizes he's been double crossed!

Peggy and Chaoueulhge run into SCDP in the Ketchup lobby and Don stays back to eavesdrop on Peggy's pitch. "Heinz. The Only Ketchup," she begins, showing off her red tights and throwing out Draperisms like "if you don't like what they're saying, change the conversation." Peggy's selling the shit out of her pitch, but in the end, JWT wins Ketchup in the room. Chauw wants to commiserate with SCDP at a nearby bar, but the feeling isn't mutual. Stan's so pissed, he flips Peggy the bird. Oh, and Ken drops by to let everyone know they've lost Baked Beans. He's extremely pissed.

Joan's friend/sister/cousin Kate is visiting, and surprise surprise, she's looking to double cross her Mary Kay job by taking an interview with Avon. She's also interested in stepping out on her husband at home, double crossing her own wedding vows. Joan and Kate end up at a party on St. Marks Place that a telephone-themed diner waiter takes them to. I wonder if Sandy's at this party, admiring the watercolor projections and recalling anecdotes of an annoying, fat, suburban housewhale. The next morning Joan and Kate wake up in the same bed with ripped sleeves and hangovers. "Do you need to throw up?!" demands Joan's mother.

At work, Joan's new partnership position hasn't changed much for her place in the hierarchy. Secretaries still think of her as their mother hen, rather than their own bosses' boss. When Joan fires Harry Crane's secretary (Scarlet) for asking Dawn to cover for her missing an afternoon of work, Harry forgets she's his boss too. He unfires Scarlet and tells the partners every ugly opinion he's ever had about Joan's position. He's done so much for the company, and what he's done has been in the light of day! He's solely responsible for the "Dow Presents Broadway Joe on Broadway Showcase!" He deserves a partnership! Not Joan, the woman who resorted to using her body to keep the company afloat with Jaguar's business! Every single character who wasn't pissed off yet is now duly PISSED.

The next day, Sterling and Cooper offer Harry the full $23,500 commission they received for the Dow television showcase. Unfortunately, Harry is still ULTRA PISSED. He wants that partnership, and he weakly threatens to go somewhere where they'll appreciate all his hard work. He feels double crossed that Joan has the partnership he somehow deserves. In Harry's case and often in Don's, Mad Men reminds us of that 60s white male point of view: so entitled to power and a pristine reputation, things get very ugly when anyone disagrees.

Don's in the middle of the hugest double cross of his life, seeing as his "actor" wife wants to start kissing people on camera for money. "You know who does that?" he manages to say with a straight face. Megan's excited for the storyline because it means more exposure, but her creepy older lady costar poisons the well. She and her husband take the Drapers out to dinner so they can try one thousand times to convince them to swing. "Are you sure? Swinging's all the rage. You know Megan's having a sex scene, right? I guess you might as well swing now, huh?" The costar lady is trying to physically double-cross Don and Megan with her husband and herself. 

 

Although Don and Megan escape the Costar-Swingingtons after dinner, Don shows up on set the next day to spy on Megan's sex scene. He fumes at her in the dressing room and accuses her of the very thing he's actually doing to her in real life on a daily basis with the woman who lives downstairs. Megan's acting an affair, Don's living one. And he's PISSED.

The only character who's not a double crosser is sweet, innocent Dawn. She covers for her fellow secretary, sacrifices her personal life for the sake of work, and apologizes to Joan by asking to have her salary docked for Scarlet's lost time. She's not trying to get anyone in trouble or do anything behind anyone's back (at least, not ever again). While we see Dawn's indiscretion and forgive her for it, we conspicuously don't see whatever the heck it is the ubiquitous Bob Benson's hiding. What goes on under that frozen winning smile? And how many double crosses are we looking at here?

Meredith, you're hopeless.

photos courtesy amctv.com

Mad Men Recap: Collaborators (i.e. Prostitutes)

Just as I started to get this recap together, I heard the news about the Boston Marathon, where 2 bombs have just gone off at the finish line. News is still unfolding but I've seen a few pictures so far. I can't believe that I'd write something so stupid when things like this are happening. But when are things like this ever not happening? I can't believe this is the world we live in. I have no ideas about how you could effectively stop the repeated surprise tragedies I keep hearing about at work. I know that distraction from grief can help, and I will write the recap so that the few people who read this blog can have something to take their minds off things, but I can't believe this. My thoughts are in Boston.

Pete and Trudy Campbell are throwing a dinner party for their new neighbors, and it looks like they may become swingers soon. The husbands love Trudy and the wives love Pete, and it's only a matter of time before the Campbells buy a special goldfish bowl just for key chains.

Don Draper flashes back to his childhood in a whorehouse as he continues his affair with Sylvia Rosen (Linda Cardellini, the love of my life). It seems that he and his stepmother moved in with her sister after his father (and remaining biological parent) was kicked to death by a drunk horse or whatever. A man named Uncle Mac runs the place, and he's the rooster there, as he explains to young Don. Young Don does not try to rock the boat. In fact, young Don seems like he might be a deaf/mute.

Over at the Chaeousugh Agency, Peggy tries to be more pleasant to her staff. Her "just because the work needs work doesn't mean you aren't good people" schtick isn't quite enough to make her underlings like working for her. In fact, one enterprising copywriter puts a bottle of feminine itch powder and a fake job folder for it on her desk, citing "overcritical bacteria" and "other Olsens." She takes it pretty well.

Pete takes one of the wives from the dinner party to his Manhattan apartment. She says no to food, alcohol, and music. If only she'd say no to Pete, too. Afterwards, she wants to come up with cute little ways to signal each other in the neighborhood. "CAN WE MOVE IT ALONG," says Pete.

SCDP's clients are as persnickety as ever: Heinz Baked Beans doesn't want to have to work alongside the flashier Heinz Ketchup, and Jaguar wants the agency to "come up with" the idea to squeeze local radio ads into their budget. Clients, am I right??? The same guy who made Joan prostitute herself is still in charge of Jaguar, and it's painful to see them in such close proximity. The Baked Beans guy swears that he would "rather retire than watch that guy screw [his] girlfriend." Both clients give SCDP money to do their bidding, and both could take it away at any time. Thus, SCDP does whatever they want.

You've obviously noticed by now that there's a whooooole lot of prostitute imagery in this episode. Don gives Sylvia cash after their morning tryst, Joan has to face her first (and hopefully last) john, Don remembers his childhood in a whorehouse, and, as I mentioned above, SCDP is the ultimate gestating prostitute - "you pay us money, and we'll birth the advertising plan for your product as soon as possible to your exact specifications PLUS WE WILL DO ANYTHING ELSE IN THE MEANTIME."

Megan runs into Sylvia in the laundry room just as she's firing her maid. It looks like Megan's had a rough week, seeing as she miscarried two days ago. Sylvia seems very guilty and looks like she wants to tell Megan the truth, but unlike Pete's blonde mistress, she keeps her mouth shut. She does remind Megan that neither of them believe in abortion, though.

Pete's clueless mistress tells everyone she knows about her affair and winds up running for safety at the Campbells' with a black eye and a busted nose. She's jumping the gun on this whole affair thing, and she's the only one who has no idea how to pace one of these things. Trudy offers to drive her to a hotel to spend the night, and when she gets back, she doesn't say a word to Pete. He actually thinks he's off the hook.

The next morning, of course, Trudy tells him how things are going to go from now on. Since his utter lack of discretion with the New York apartment has blown up in their faces, he's going to be living there from now on. They won't be divorcing, but if he so much as pees within 50 miles of the house without her express invitation, she's going to [kill him?]. I never heard exactly what she threatened him with, but it sounds pretty serious. Do not mess with Trudy Campbell. Just don't do it.

Over at Chaouwh, Ted overhears one of Peggy's phone calls with Stan about Heinz. Ted wants to use that information to go after Ketchup, but for some reason Peggy's reluctant. Peggy, look at your new boss. Look at your new office. You basically work at Cage & Fish in 1999. Live it up!!

Don spends the evening having dinner with the Rosens without Megan, who's "ill," and wouldn't you know it, Dr. Rosen gets called away. Why wasn't Don always dating doctors' wives? Their husbands are never around. Sylvia asks Don if he's sure he doesn't just want his young, beautiful wife Megan, and he assures her that he wants the Roman Catholic, herself. It's a very Don Draper pitch in that he sounds confident in his words, but if you really listen to them, they don't make much sense.

Later that night (once Don's finished having sex with Sylvia again), Megan tells him about her miscarriage. He tells her he wants kids when and if she does, and although it sounds very supportive, it's again a string of words that convey literally nothing. "When do you want kids? "Uh, up to you."

The whole thing culminates at the meeting with Jaguar, where SCDP is supposed to be suggesting this great radio ad idea. Don oversells it to the point of "Jersey wives can go pick up a Jag, it'll be great!" and the idea fails, just as he wants. Pete, who finally really has nothing, is exasperated that all of his ass-kissing is in vain. Roger (OH HI ROGER, WHERE YA BEEN?) reminds him about how much they gave up in Munich, and Pete has no idea what that is a reference to. For all the lapsed history students, the Munich Agreement was an effort to appease Nazi Germany by giving it a portion of Czechoslovakia called Sudetenland. It didn't work for very long.

We get one last flashback before the end of the episode, and it's Don spying on his pregnant stepmother getting screwed by Uncle Mac. In the 60s, Don collapses in before his apartment front door, unable to go in momentarily. How much has he let this happen to himself and his company? How long before, like Trudy, he finally puts his foot down?

GAME OF THRONES VS. MAD MEN
If this week's Game of Thrones focused on mothers doing their jobs poorly, Mad Men was about how those mothers got themselves into motherhood in the first place. What must pregnancy and delivery (even figuratively) be like for a mother who is doing it for financial stability? Do we do the things we do in life for gain, or do we do them for love and happiness? And don't love and happiness count as "gain?" And if not for money, what would there be for SCDP to get in return?

photos courtesy amctv.com

Mad Men's Back!!! WELCOME TO SEASON 6 WOO WOOOOOO!!!

Last time Mad Men came back from a break, I was still very upset. "Thanks for being away from me for 20 or 30 months, you dumb show," I thought. This time, barely a year has passed since the season 5 premiere. "Thanks for coming back so soon," I beam, forgetting all past wrongdoings. Don Draper may not be a faithful husband, but I think he's really learning when it comes to tv! I think he's really changing! For me!

At the top of "Doorways," it's Christmastime in Hawaii, and Don and Megan are vacationing the way only 60s people can. They're soaking up sun, drinking blue cocktails, buying doobies from closed surf shops, and learning to hula. Everything seems like paradise until Don can't sleep one night and goes down to the bar. He meets a private with an identical military-issue lighter and agrees to walk his bride-to-be down the aisle. Little does he know, their lighters will have swapped once he's back in New York.

Time is crazy in this episode, which starts in the middle of someone's heart attack, then jumps forward to Hawaii, then returns to the medical emergency that actually happened months before. Jonesy the lobby guy was saved by a doctor named Rosen, and now the Rosens are friends with the Drapers. Welcome back to my life, Linda Cardellini!

Don gives Dr. Rosen a Leica and then gets absolutely blotto. He's wasted at Roger's mother's funeral (Roger's mother died, see below), and he throws up in an umbrella bucket. Pete helps him home and basically asks Don for a "thank you" at the office the next day. Good old Pete, always dependable.

After trying to throw away the private's lighter, Don gives it to Dawn to send back through the service. He doesn't want that lighter on his hands, most likely because the one in the private's hands belongs to a soldier who is now supposed to be dead, and Don hates thinking about it. Something tells me this is coming back, and it might be accompanied by a military investigation.

When Don finally gives his Hawaii pitch, it turns out he's painting a vivid picture of a man's apparent suicide. Clothes strewn along the beach, footprints disappearing into the surf - Don doesn't seem to understand how his fantasy of oblivion translates to everyone else as a death wish.

 

Later on, during his New Years Eve fondue party, he languishes in discomfort as Megan shows everyone slides of Hawaii on that famous Kodak Carousel. When Dr. Rosen is called out for a medical emergency, Don helps him find his skis (that's right, this man is so dedicated, he skis to work) and proceeds to fuck his wife. That's right, Don's back.

Weightloss Betty has taken Bluto, Sally, and a new girl named Sandy to the ballet, and she gets a ticket on the way home. Who is Sandy? Henry's daughter from another marriage? One of Sally's new friends? I never catch the relation, but it doesn't seem to matter. She's a too-old violinist, and she's full of herself because she uses tampons. Sandy runs away to New York when she finds out she didn't make Julliard.

Betty remembers Sandy describing a wonderful flophouse on St. Marks, so she follows her there. She meets beatniks and hippies and helps them make goulash. Eventually, when no one will tell her where Sandy is, she steals back the girl's violin and almost leaves with it. Instead, she leaves it there and dyes her hair black. It looks like she's trying to look a little more like Megan. Bobby hates it.

Over at Cheouuaagh's agency, Peggy is facing disaster: her "lend me your ears" Koss headphone pitch is now tasteless in light of what soldiers have been doing to people's ears in Vietnam. She handles the client like Don at his best, convincing them to give her a few days to fix it. How about "The sound is colossal?" I wrote that and I think it's great. Eventually she finds an outtake of this annoying toga-guy making faces, and she declares it "Sound you can see." What do you know, our first Game of Thrones tie-in: hearing with something other than your ears.

As mentioned, Roger's mother has died, and he has to deal with the funeral. He's sick of doorways, he tells his psychiatrist, since they never really lead anywhere but to another doorway. Change is the only thing you can depend on, Roger. Change and your amazing secretary. I can't find her name anywhere but when I do, I'll be shouting it from the mountaintops because she is amazing.

Joan is mysteriously absent from Roger's grieving process, so much so that he propositions his first wife because it could be "soothing." Jane comes back to return his mother's ring so he can give it to Margaret or someone else, but Roger wants her to keep it. I actually miss Jane a lot. I miss any woman who understands Roger Sterling because that's what it takes to shake him out of his eternal glibness. And that's why I'm mad at Margaret, who left her grandmother's jar full of River Jordan water on the couch after asking Roger for money to start a refrigerated truck fleet. Margaret doesn't get it at all.

Eventually, when Roger is told that his shoe shiner Giorgio has also passed away, the silver fox finally gets to cry. He's surrounded by death, and all of his "doorways" seem to lead him to loneliness and despair. Where is Joan in all of this? WHERE IS JOAN IN ALL OF THIS???

Through it all, this new guy Bob Benson tries to brown-nose his way into the heart of SCDP. He rides the elevator with Don the way Don once rode it with Roger. He has food delivered to Roger's mother's funeral. He hangs out in the upstairs lobby to casually "run into" people. Ken Cosgrove notices, and he doesn't like it. He dresses that sucker down as harshly as possible. With Peggy's new power and Ken's strict BE REAL policy, it looks like everyone's turning into Don Draper. Everyone but Bob Benson, who smells incredibly fishy to me.

"Doorways" showed our characters in new stages of their lives: Peggy's doing well at the new firm, Betty's steadily losing weight, Pete's slowly but surely gaining traction in the office, Joan's a portrait-taking partner, and Roger's getting closer to death. And as everyone else progresses forward, Don falls back a step to have sex with someone else's wife. While new soap-opera star Megan waits for him in bed.

photos courtesy amctv.com and justjared.com and skift.com and buzzfeed

Mad Men Season 5 Ended & I Think The Internet Pretty Much Covered Everything I Would've Said

So I leave you with my fond farewell:

And you should read Matt Zoller Seitz's articles in general, but in particular this week's, because they're great.

No Thanks

Sunday night's episodes of Game of Thrones and Mad Men presented their characters with fascinating, if wasted, opportunities. In GoT's "Valar Morghulis," basically every protagonist had to choose between starting a new, exotic life somewhere else vs. staying put in this terrible game. On the flip side, Mad Men's "Commissions & Fees" only followed the consequences of one man's taken & missed opportunities. Let me just put this out here right now: I HAVE BEEN CALLING THIS FOREVER.

Game of Thrones (Season 2 Finale)
"Valar Morghulis," which means "Jaqen's Real Name Is Julianna Margulies"

Why does everyone say "no" to everything awesome? Here is a catalog of all the NOs we heard on Sunday:

1) Tyrion won't go to Pentos with Shae, where she's guaranteed him a life of leisure far away from his miserable sister and thankless father. "No thanks," he says. He'd rather keep outthinking the bad men. And keep hoping for the other slash of that X-to-be on his face.

2) First Theon won't go back to Pyke with his sister, even though he's dying for her acceptance, and then he won't go to the Wall at Maester Luwin's suggestion. He'd rather listen to that horn blast over and over again than escape the inevitable defeat coming to Winterfell. Unfortunately for him, the rest of his dwindling army is pretty psyched to go back home. So they clang him.

3) Arya won't go to Braavos to become a faceless assassin with Jaqen Hagar. While I understand why a young girl would prefer going back home to becoming a nonexistent assassin, there's basically no home for Arya to return to. She tells Jaqen she needs to find her brother and mother and even her stupid old sister, instead. Luckily Jaqen gives her a thingie and says to repeat some fake-Latin to anyone from Braavos, and he'll appear. But he'll have this face:

4) First Sansa won't escape King's Landing with the Hound, and now it's up in the air whether she'll try to escape with Littlefinger. No matter how she does it, she definitely needs to disappear from the Red Keep (Joffrey's a sadist, of course, and furthermore I wouldn't put it past Margaery Tyrell to hatch some plans against her as well. She seems thorough). Look at how happy Sansa is to break up with Joffrey:

5) Last but most drawn out, Daenerys finally makes it to the House of the Undying. In the magical doorways leading to her dragons, Dany must resist staying where her dreams have come true - first in a snowy, war-torn throne room and then in a tent that holds Khal Drogo and their son. She's most tempted to stay with her family, but eventually she somehow reminds herself that this family is gone. Her dragons, however, are very close. By saying "no" to a number of dreams, she finally gets her dragons back. And they incinerate Freakosaurus Ink Mouth in like .001 seconds.

Apart from all the naysayers, Brienne says "yes" to a fantastic adventure with Jamie. She absolutely kills it. I suppose she doesn't have much choice in transporting the Kingslayer to King's Landing, being Catelyn's loyal guard, but maybe that's the key. If you can't control your own destiny, you're probably going to have way more adventures + probs fall in love. Nice!

 Mad Men 
"Commissions and Fees": The Pryce of Success

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All of the opportunities we say yes or no to come with consequences, and in a show like Mad Men, those consequences can truly add up. "Commissions and Fees" culminates in one very significant consequence, but it doesn't get there because of the choices of one person alone. Everyone at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce contributes to Lane Pryce's tragic suicide.

Shortly after Lucky Strike dropped SCDP last season, the partners were obliged to invest $50,000 of their own money each to save the business. Lane has been operating at a loss since then, and as we learned a few weeks ago, he owes a lot of money to the Queen. Because Lane's stiff upper lip relies on discretion, he bears all this financial hardship on his own.

I've worked out everyone else's contribution with some help from my brother Matt:
-Rogert Sterling screws up Lucky Strike in the first place and is responsible for the need for the partners to invest so much money. He "says no" to DOING HIS JOB WELL.
-Bert Cooper insists on "saying no" to this year's Christmas bonuses, further screwing Lane over.
-Don fires Lane and shows no signs of bending when he starts crying (an obvious warning sign for someone who does his best never to show feelings ever).
-Pete Campbell systematically dismantles Lane's self esteem all the time because he is a psychopath.
-Rebecca Pryce is slower than molasses and spends Lane's money ridiculously easily.
-No one else at the company really shows Lane all that much respect, which is the least he could hope for, being that he's making practically no money and was integral to the creation of the company.

And so the entire office helps Lane get to this point, and it turns out that only the physical office walls are sturdy enough to string him up (that Jag not starting is PERFECT). Lane's suicide, which is something I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR A LONG TIME NOW (either his or Roger's), is a group effort.

Speaking of Roger Sterling, his color imagery is getting pretty insane these days. Naturally I only just now realized that the Silver Fox's last name is Sterling. Wow, Beck. But there's a shot of Don visiting Roger's office that really seals the deal:

The only things in this office that aren't white or silver are Roger's suit and coat. Oh, and that teensy sliver of wood paneling near the door. But that's it. Even his art is silver. What on earth are we supposed to take from this other than "Roger is old?" Roger is cold? Roger is rich? Roger is undead?

I'm not sure how to squeeze Sally into the it's-your-fault-too schematic, but boy oh boy is she saying yes to opportunities. She jumps at the chance to skip Betty's ski weekend and spend the weekend at Don's apartment. She invites Glen out to Manhattan as soon as she can reach a phone. She's truly ready for action, but unfortunately, action is ready for her too. She reaches menarche at the Museum of Natural History and realizes it's all a little much for her. Back at home, Betty is mercifully non-evil to Sally. She even snuggles her a little. Sally's adventure leads back home, but this version of home is different, like Marty McFly returning home to 1985 at the end of Back to the Future. Because of her adventure, Sally finds a (slightly) nicer mother to live with.

The world of Mad Men allows for precious few mistakes, and in the case of Lane Pryce, every misstep adds up. We can only wonder what will happen now. Maybe Lane leaves his share of the partnership to Joan, giving her a majority in future votes. Maybe Rebecca kills herself, too, or maybe she takes the Jag and drives to Florida to become a salsa dancer. Maybe Roger realizes he definitely can't kill himself now, so he comes to his senses and dyes his hair brown. Maybe Pete does what he was always going to do and goes on a killing spree that lasts for decades. That will definitely be happening, by the way. MARK MY WORDS!


all photos courtesy HBO and AMC