The best part of Jimmy Kimmel's Halloween call for parents to prank their kids is definitely these two brothers at the end:
The older one might as well be Danny McBride and the younger one is the best improviser I've seen in years. Youuuuuuu SNEAKY Mom! Somebody bring me these children!
04 November 2011
Save The Last One (For Friday)
Zombies and Gentlezombies,
Sunday's Walking Dead episode begins with a pensive Shane shaving his head next to a hot running shower. Why is he shaving? Why is he pensive? And why does he insist on wasting so much water every single episode? To find out, we must first turn back the sands of time.
Shane and Otis are still stuck in school, but now they're sprinting away from the copious zombies they attracted in the parking lot. Remember how I suggested that each of these postzombiepocalyptic scenarios is a potentially solvable puzzle? This puzzle is now a shitshow. Not only do Shane and Otis suffer bad falls, but they're also carrying extra weight now that they've fetched Hershel's supplies. At this point they're both limping as slowly as the zombies 5 feet behind them are staggering. Ohhhhh no.
Back at the ranch (Hershel's farm), Carl wakes up only to go into shock from all the pain he now realizes he's in. Rick is helpless, so he keeps trying to give blood. Lori is helpless, period. Hershel needs their go-ahead to operate on Carl without the special supplies, but Lori hesitates because she might just want Carl to die. Hey, some common ground! Welcome, Lori, to my den of wishing Carl dead! But wait. Is this a huge mistake? Should I be inviting Carl into my den of wishing Lori dead? And more importantly, do they have a den about me? Where do I fit in all of this? Doesn't anyone care if I want Carl to go through surgery?!
Lori thinks he would be better off dying in his sleep than in 1,000 zombies' mouths. I tend to agree, but I also understand that this mindset is no way to fortify a zombie-survivor story. Choosing to live is the prevalent theme throughout the episode, and everyone wonders why exactly they're choosing it.
Daryl takes Andrea through the woods to look for Sofia in the dark, where she'll definitely be out in the open and easily visible. They come across a [spoiler?] zombie in a noose tied to a tree, where he hanged himself as a bitten human. He chose to die, a decision Dale took away from Andrea back at the end of Season 1. And although she's more or less off suicide watch, she's still clueless as to why she's living. Daryl shoots the zombie in the head and wastes a cross-arrow to learn her a lesson: Don't waste your time and energy on a harmless moron. Does this relate to choosing to live? Maybe you should let people who want to kill themselves kill themselves. PS, Daryl got lost in the woods for a full week when he was 9? Damn, son. Note to everyone: when the Zombiepocalypse comes, find a Daryl.
And so Lori contemplates Carl's reason for living, Andrea contemplates her own, and [spoiler again [although the entire blog has a spoiler alert on top, so come on]] Shane contemplates Otis's. In Shane's mind, it all adds up to 2 slowpokes dying along with Carl OR 1 slowpoke dying and the other saving Carl's life (plus his own, tee hee oopsie!). Shane gives it to Otis in the leg so he can become zombie bait, leaving Shane to escape and be a hero. OR IS HE? Either way, the puzzle is solved.
More Thoughts on the Episode's Theme:
The theme (choosing to live) presents a great question. Why would one choose to keep living when all hope is lost? It's not like you can return to the days of electricity, running water, and edible food (unless you're Hershel and you have your own generator, underground water system, and cow pasture). You're stuck in a very harsh world, and in this case there are zombies at every turn trying to eat you no matter what you do! Why run from death when it's the only sure thing in your life?
There are a few ways to approach the dilemma: First of all, if you're in this situation, you are one of the random, lucky few who didn't die in the immediate apocalyptic event. Doesn't that suggest that, in this topsy-turvy world, luck might mean something and you might keep having it? Second, you owe it to the other survivors to keep going. They can't live alone. They need the collective "you," and theoretically they've decided to live for a good reason. Can you honestly contribute to killing them as well? Third, everyone wants to keep humanity going, right? Right? Humans are great, right? Stuff it, we will keep living here until the moon nukes us with green cheese. AND THEN WE'LL HAVE A CHEESE PARTY! STUFF IT, EXTINCTION!
all photos courtesy amctv.com
26 October 2011
(Blood)Let The "Bloodletting" Commence
At home this weekend for my mom's birthday, I realized that it's much scarier watching The Walking Dead in Atlanta than in New York. Instead of poshly-furnished apartments outside the window, all you can see is pitch-black forest. No ambient city noises resound, amplifying each muted creeaaaaak that drifts up from the basement steps for whatever terrifying reason. Not to mention, most of the zombies we've seen in Walking Dead have technically been Atlantans. It's scarier than watching Poltergeist in a teepee. Small Becky Big Scared.
The episode begins back before the Zombiepocalypse, when Lori had to tell Carl that his father Rick was shot in the line of duty. Thank goodness for the primer, because now we REALLY understand the irony of Rick having to tell Lori that Carl has been shot. Standing too close to mythical bucks is a demanding line of work, Mom, and I can't stop now. Why can't women get it through their thick skulls?! Men have to put themselves in danger, if only for vainglory! This theme constantly weighs down on Mr. & Mrs. Grimes: If women have no problem staying with their families to keep them safe, what makes it ok for men to run off looking for adventure? Yet if nobody's out looking for adventure, what kind of outer world can we expect, and how are we to protect our own?
Back at van camp, Dale realizes that T-Dog needs antibiotics and painkillers for his butterflied forearm. Lacking the meds, Dale treats him to a few folksy anecdotes instead. It does just the trick! Full of women, Daryl's search party soon turns into a catfight about certain people's sisters turning into zombies. Andrea grumbles to her companion until she realizes it's a lumbering walker, content to walk alongside her and her grumblings forever. Although it's the only zombie kill in the episode, at least the guy takes a while to die.
I haven't even mentioned the entirely new set of characters we meet in this episode. It turns out the Big Buckhunter is from Hershel's* Farm, where an old Jewish(?) farmer and his remaining children are holed up. They've got horses and everything, and they'll be fixing up Carl's chest wound (not dead, fart). Hershel's daughter Maggie rides out to Darryl's group and brings Lori back with her, and for the rest of the episode, I marvel at how much I hate Lori. She's so overdramatic. She's got terrible priorities as a mother. She raised Carl, for Pete's sake! If the fruit's weird, you can bet the tree is even weirder. And if people don't already say that, they should.
*Hershel is played by Scott Wilson, who has amazing credentials (his second role was one of the In Cold Blood killers) and is also one of the only Atlanta-born-and-raised actors in the cast. He is now my barometer for the rest of the accents on the show.
In order to do proper surgery on Carl, Herschel needs a few extra supplies (and a lot of anesthesia) from a high school-turned-military base nearby. I wonder which Atlanta-area high school it's supposed to be. Grady? Druid Hills? Paideia? I wonder which of these zombies in the parking lot used to be MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or more accurately, I wonder which of these Inside-the-Perimeter zombies used to be my main competition in intrastate Quiz Bowl competitions. WHO'S SMARTER NOW, JERKS? WHO WINS BEST SPORTSMANSHIP NOW?
Otis, the huge guy who'd accidentally shot Carl (along with a sizeable-enough deer to feed the survivors for a week...so thank you for complaining even more, Lori), leads Shane on the high school expedition. Said parking lot is full of zombies, and until Shane and Otis throw flares across the lot to distract them, I'm positive they're goners. So many situations look completely impossible until some guy comes up with one bright idea -- it reminds me both of video games and of the justification of mankind's dominion over beastdom. Each day in a Zombiepocalypse is a new puzzle. The surprise is that quite a few of the puzzles are solvable.
And so we wait for next week to find out if they'll ever find Dummy, if Carl will survive surgery, and if the surgery can even happen, considering Shane and Otis are trapped at school. Who knows, maybe they'll be alright 'cause they're saved by the bell? SAVED BY THE BELL!! Needeloo-needel-oo-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-uh!
all photos courtesy amctv.com
The episode begins back before the Zombiepocalypse, when Lori had to tell Carl that his father Rick was shot in the line of duty. Thank goodness for the primer, because now we REALLY understand the irony of Rick having to tell Lori that Carl has been shot. Standing too close to mythical bucks is a demanding line of work, Mom, and I can't stop now. Why can't women get it through their thick skulls?! Men have to put themselves in danger, if only for vainglory! This theme constantly weighs down on Mr. & Mrs. Grimes: If women have no problem staying with their families to keep them safe, what makes it ok for men to run off looking for adventure? Yet if nobody's out looking for adventure, what kind of outer world can we expect, and how are we to protect our own?
Back at van camp, Dale realizes that T-Dog needs antibiotics and painkillers for his butterflied forearm. Lacking the meds, Dale treats him to a few folksy anecdotes instead. It does just the trick! Full of women, Daryl's search party soon turns into a catfight about certain people's sisters turning into zombies. Andrea grumbles to her companion until she realizes it's a lumbering walker, content to walk alongside her and her grumblings forever. Although it's the only zombie kill in the episode, at least the guy takes a while to die.
I haven't even mentioned the entirely new set of characters we meet in this episode. It turns out the Big Buckhunter is from Hershel's* Farm, where an old Jewish(?) farmer and his remaining children are holed up. They've got horses and everything, and they'll be fixing up Carl's chest wound (not dead, fart). Hershel's daughter Maggie rides out to Darryl's group and brings Lori back with her, and for the rest of the episode, I marvel at how much I hate Lori. She's so overdramatic. She's got terrible priorities as a mother. She raised Carl, for Pete's sake! If the fruit's weird, you can bet the tree is even weirder. And if people don't already say that, they should.
*Hershel is played by Scott Wilson, who has amazing credentials (his second role was one of the In Cold Blood killers) and is also one of the only Atlanta-born-and-raised actors in the cast. He is now my barometer for the rest of the accents on the show.
In order to do proper surgery on Carl, Herschel needs a few extra supplies (and a lot of anesthesia) from a high school-turned-military base nearby. I wonder which Atlanta-area high school it's supposed to be. Grady? Druid Hills? Paideia? I wonder which of these zombies in the parking lot used to be MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or more accurately, I wonder which of these Inside-the-Perimeter zombies used to be my main competition in intrastate Quiz Bowl competitions. WHO'S SMARTER NOW, JERKS? WHO WINS BEST SPORTSMANSHIP NOW?
Otis, the huge guy who'd accidentally shot Carl (along with a sizeable-enough deer to feed the survivors for a week...so thank you for complaining even more, Lori), leads Shane on the high school expedition. Said parking lot is full of zombies, and until Shane and Otis throw flares across the lot to distract them, I'm positive they're goners. So many situations look completely impossible until some guy comes up with one bright idea -- it reminds me both of video games and of the justification of mankind's dominion over beastdom. Each day in a Zombiepocalypse is a new puzzle. The surprise is that quite a few of the puzzles are solvable.
And so we wait for next week to find out if they'll ever find Dummy, if Carl will survive surgery, and if the surgery can even happen, considering Shane and Otis are trapped at school. Who knows, maybe they'll be alright 'cause they're saved by the bell? SAVED BY THE BELL!! Needeloo-needel-oo-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-uh!
all photos courtesy amctv.com
18 October 2011
The Walking Dead Is Back!
It's finally that time of year: ZOMBTOBER!!!!
As you know, Josh's short, Zombie in a Penguin Suit, is now on youtube, and it's taking the world by storm with over 28,000 views. Josh's film also harbingers the Season 2 premiere of Walking Dead on AMC, which took my living room by storm on Sunday night. I was so scared, I was SHIVERING! Atsa spicy cable zombie show!
The episode, "What Lies Ahead," starts a short time after Season 1 leaves off: Sheriff Grimes's gang of survivors has just declared the CDC dunzo, and now they've got to travel somewhere new in the hopes that civilization still exists somewhere. They choose a fort 125 miles away. All the commenters on nymag right now are like "anyone from the South knows to go straight to Fort Benning" but I'm like "...uhhhhhh?" I have no idea what that is. It's only 2 hours from where I grew up? This is a terrifying wake-up call for a girl who thought she knew what she would be doing in a Zombiepocalypse. She doesn't even know which FORTS are close by! (Becky in The Walking Dead: "Hey, we better head up to Fort...uh...Duquesne?")
On the road, Andrea the Blonde Would-Be-Love-Interest learns how to clean her gun from Shane the Brunette Would-Be-Rapist. This must be symbolic - she wants to learn to use a "gun," and he's already a certified genius at handling his own (in a dangerous way). Thus remnants of Darabont haunt us still. With Daryl leading the caravan on his high-handled motorbike, the gang quickly approaches a road block. First problem: how can they get around it? Second problem: how can they get all these abandoned cars out of the way? Third problem: Surely the dead people in these cars will be waking up V. soon. BUSTED!!!!!!
I shiver violently with dread as the gang searches the cars for food, clothing, and water. Shane finds a Poland Spring truck and acts like it contains infinity water, even though everyone JUST went hog wild at the CDC with that behavior. Any second now one of the survivors will carelessly pass an arm too close to a corpse's mouth, I just know it. The corpses will all wake up at once. We are all going to die.
Instead, Dale sights the beginnings of a herd (I prefer "horde") trickling into traffic while there's still time to hide, and soon it's clear that about a trillion zombies are going to march right into their caravan. Everyone has just enough time to roll under a car or slice their arm wide open and spill most of their blood. Andrea notices the Walkers as she sits next to the open RV window with the door open too, which is a great shot in the episode. Daryl saves Bloody Arm-Dog's life by covering them both with corpses, and Dale saves Andrea's life by tossing down a screwdriver from the roof - she can use it to stab a curious zombie repeatedly in the eye and forehead. Somehow everyone makes it.
Except of course for Dumb Girl, half of the Would-Be-Child-Couple (which would be a sliver of light in this cold, dark world), who peeks out from the car too fast and calls just TONS of attention to herself as she runs into the woods away from the two zombies that saw her. Didn't the horde JUST pass by? Wouldn't they ALL hear the commotion behind them and turn back around? Hordes form because bunches of zombies hear the same thing and all go towards it together. It's very likely that these zombies can all hear the girl screaming and trampling through the woods.
Rick pulls the zombies away from Dummy and takes care of them with nothing but a rock and good timing - easily the bossest thing Rick has ever done. Unfortunately, he's told the girl to run back to the road instead of having her wait for him right where she was perfectly hidden. She's lost, skittish, and dumb.
It takes every single survivor to search for Dumbelina, and they don't even find her. Instead Carl creeps up to a mythical buck and nearly touches its unicorn horn...when suddenly a gun blast shoots both of them!!! Hooray, no more Carl! Child actors beware: this blog will hurt your feelings. Carl sucks. He has an air of someone who spends all his time thinking about how to be himself. He looks like Carol should be his mom. Get 'em all out of here!
And so, after two Grimonologues (one to a radio, one to Jesus), we reach the end of the very long episode receiving the "sign" that Rick has been asking for: your son can and will die at any moment, just like everyone else. All bets are off, Grimey!
Just for you, here is a list of Zombie Rules as given by the Official AMC Walking Dead twitter back in September:
As you know, Josh's short, Zombie in a Penguin Suit, is now on youtube, and it's taking the world by storm with over 28,000 views. Josh's film also harbingers the Season 2 premiere of Walking Dead on AMC, which took my living room by storm on Sunday night. I was so scared, I was SHIVERING! Atsa spicy cable zombie show!
The episode, "What Lies Ahead," starts a short time after Season 1 leaves off: Sheriff Grimes's gang of survivors has just declared the CDC dunzo, and now they've got to travel somewhere new in the hopes that civilization still exists somewhere. They choose a fort 125 miles away. All the commenters on nymag right now are like "anyone from the South knows to go straight to Fort Benning" but I'm like "...uhhhhhh?" I have no idea what that is. It's only 2 hours from where I grew up? This is a terrifying wake-up call for a girl who thought she knew what she would be doing in a Zombiepocalypse. She doesn't even know which FORTS are close by! (Becky in The Walking Dead: "Hey, we better head up to Fort...uh...Duquesne?")
On the road, Andrea the Blonde Would-Be-Love-Interest learns how to clean her gun from Shane the Brunette Would-Be-Rapist. This must be symbolic - she wants to learn to use a "gun," and he's already a certified genius at handling his own (in a dangerous way). Thus remnants of Darabont haunt us still. With Daryl leading the caravan on his high-handled motorbike, the gang quickly approaches a road block. First problem: how can they get around it? Second problem: how can they get all these abandoned cars out of the way? Third problem: Surely the dead people in these cars will be waking up V. soon. BUSTED!!!!!!
I shiver violently with dread as the gang searches the cars for food, clothing, and water. Shane finds a Poland Spring truck and acts like it contains infinity water, even though everyone JUST went hog wild at the CDC with that behavior. Any second now one of the survivors will carelessly pass an arm too close to a corpse's mouth, I just know it. The corpses will all wake up at once. We are all going to die.
Instead, Dale sights the beginnings of a herd (I prefer "horde") trickling into traffic while there's still time to hide, and soon it's clear that about a trillion zombies are going to march right into their caravan. Everyone has just enough time to roll under a car or slice their arm wide open and spill most of their blood. Andrea notices the Walkers as she sits next to the open RV window with the door open too, which is a great shot in the episode. Daryl saves Bloody Arm-Dog's life by covering them both with corpses, and Dale saves Andrea's life by tossing down a screwdriver from the roof - she can use it to stab a curious zombie repeatedly in the eye and forehead. Somehow everyone makes it.
Except of course for Dumb Girl, half of the Would-Be-Child-Couple (which would be a sliver of light in this cold, dark world), who peeks out from the car too fast and calls just TONS of attention to herself as she runs into the woods away from the two zombies that saw her. Didn't the horde JUST pass by? Wouldn't they ALL hear the commotion behind them and turn back around? Hordes form because bunches of zombies hear the same thing and all go towards it together. It's very likely that these zombies can all hear the girl screaming and trampling through the woods.
Rick pulls the zombies away from Dummy and takes care of them with nothing but a rock and good timing - easily the bossest thing Rick has ever done. Unfortunately, he's told the girl to run back to the road instead of having her wait for him right where she was perfectly hidden. She's lost, skittish, and dumb.
It takes every single survivor to search for Dumbelina, and they don't even find her. Instead Carl creeps up to a mythical buck and nearly touches its unicorn horn...when suddenly a gun blast shoots both of them!!! Hooray, no more Carl! Child actors beware: this blog will hurt your feelings. Carl sucks. He has an air of someone who spends all his time thinking about how to be himself. He looks like Carol should be his mom. Get 'em all out of here!
And so, after two Grimonologues (one to a radio, one to Jesus), we reach the end of the very long episode receiving the "sign" that Rick has been asking for: your son can and will die at any moment, just like everyone else. All bets are off, Grimey!
Just for you, here is a list of Zombie Rules as given by the Official AMC Walking Dead twitter back in September:
Zombie Rule #1: Ability to run is based on the amount of time a zombie has been undead, and how much decay has set in.
Zombie Rule #2: Zombies decay but at a much slower rate than humans, and it's still possible to differentiate between young and old zombies.
Zombie Rule #3: Zombies are like lions: if they've eaten, you can walk by them without fear, but a pack of hungry zombies will attack you. (Good to know. Good to Know...)
Zombie Rule #4: The quickest speed of any zombie is a shambling run. see Night of theLiving Dead. NO sprinters exist. (Also good to know...)
Zombie Rule #5: Zombies are not dexterous. They cannot pick up or use any items more complex than a rock or a stick.
Zombie Rule #6: Zombies have poor eyesight but they do have a strong sense of smell.
Zombie Rule #7: Zombies cannot speak but can communicate by pack mentality. The herd tends to move together if they sight food. (Jeez!!! Crafty bastards...)
Zombie Rule #8: There is no overt recognition of people or places, there is a sense of familiarity that can dictate where a zombie moves.
Zombie Rule #9: There's no known cause of the zombie mutation, but it's suspected to be a virus or infection.
Zombie Rule #10: Once you're bitten you'll die and reanimate as a walker. How long it takes is related to the nature your bite.
all photos courtesy amc.com
14 October 2011
ZOMBIE IN A PENGUIN SUIT
7 MINUTES IN ZOMBIE HEAVEN
Over the past few months, Josh has been sneaking off to Boston to shoot a movie about a zombie in a penguin suit. It's finally ready for popular consumption, and I urge you to watch. It is the most spectacular zombie short I have ever seen. But don't take my word for it!
But do! Enjoy!!
PS Walking Dead season 2 premieres on Sunday. GET READY WORLD WE'RE ZOMBIFYING!
02 October 2011
Your Garlic Prayers Are Answered
How to Peel a Head of Garlic in Less Than 10 Seconds from SAVEUR.com on Vimeo.
Saveur figured out how to peel an entire head of garlic super fast! I haven't been this impressed since the take-off-your-shirt-in-one-fell-swoop trick (grab the opposite bottom corner and pull).
26 September 2011
A Tardy Account Of Aging Models, Made Over
MAKEOVER MAKEOVER! MAKEOVER MAKEOVER! Welcome to ANTM's Makeover Episode, ie The Most Important Day of the Fashion Year. Everything else comes to a complete stop on Makeover Day - Wintour makes the office take an hour of silence, Lagerfeld sits in a bath all day, and any home ec student caught mending an apron is thrown off the FIT building onto one of those button statues. It's a terribly big day, and on ANTM: All Stars, Makeover Day terrorizes itself to a new level.
First things first, some Dutch guy walks into the house just as All the Stars are playing dress-up for whatever sad reason. He gives each model a one-word description to form a brand around and he also singlehandedly destroys the LGBT movement by belittling Kayla's main thing. Bianca's word is "candid," which she defines as now having free reign to start shit with everyone, all day, forever. Oddly it's Bre who finally puts everything into perspective: your fans need to know how to follow you, so it's useful to be able to clarify your whole deal down to one word. What can we say, 6 years of simple aging have done wonders for the kid.
At the salon, Sheena blatantly refuses to let them touch her hair. Apparently last time they burned the hair off her scalp and it took years to get it back together again. Lisa has a small, faked break-down, and then Bre has a larger but still faked break-down. We hear her voiceover from the bathroom explaining "I was upset when they wanted to cut my hair...now I'm at rage!" It looks like the models all figured out that the best way to spend Makeover Day is to be upset without being THE MOST UPSET. This self-regulation makes the salon less enjoyable.
The girls go straight from the Makeover Chair to Posin' With Hot Dogs in the Corner. What the hell is this photoshoot? Did you see me, Daddy, eatin' a hot dog? Why are they making Sheena pose with a weener in her mouth? Why are they making Isis?! WHY WOULD THEY MAKE KAYLA?! All of the hot dog stuff is shameful and sad, and it made a single hot tear run down my red cheek onto my very own hot dog with which I, too, was posing provocatively. Hi, it's me, a model, trying to convey a one-word identity while keeping a hot dog shoved halfway into my mouth.
Sheena ultimately loses Makeover Day, probably because she wouldn't let them touch her hair, but more likely because she's the 2nd-partiest of the girls after Brittany. With this logic Lisa should be eliminated next week, but I have a strange feeling they'll be getting rid of Kayla. Just so long as Laura stays, it's fine with me. KEEP LAURA ALIVE!
all photos courtesy cwtv.com
HOT DOG PICTURES!
23 September 2011
A Thoughtful Post About All The TV I Watched Last Night
Thursday night is must-see television. Everybody knows that, but not everybody is willing to sit in a chair for 4 consecutive hours watching 7 of them all at once. On second thought if you're reading this, you probably are. If it's Thursday anyways.
COMMUNITY: A Little Biology Lesson (Omar, that is!!!)
A hilarious yet low-key start to season 3. Chang becoming a security officer is a giant step in the right changrection, and I admit that I'm not hating John Goodman as much as I assumed I would and normally do - but possibly only due to his stellar Rip Torn impression while screaming at the Dean. The huge number at the beginning felt dorky to me at first until I realized it was one of those "There'll be this! /There'll be that! /Gonna pull a rabbit out of a hat!" opening numbers. The kind that makes a LOT of promises that most likely will be kept in one way or another. Like in The Great Muppet Caper!
PARKS & REC: Knope 2012
AMAZING! Tammy 1 is here and she's telling April how to use posture to increase boob pertness! Ron's sprinting at full speed down a slippery hallway! Andy's pouring Pepto on that guy's shoe ("Now I've unaccomplished that")! (Or whatever the line was) This was the best of the NBC comedies last night. Poor Benslie, though, poooooooooor Benslie.
THE OFFICE: California's List
First off, I think it's a great choice to put Andy Bernard in the Regional Manager's office, if only for his opening credits schtick. And it's an even better choice to put Spader in as CEO. But it's weird how many Michael Scott lines they gave to Andy last night. They were there all the way leading up to it, but the conference room scene where Andy defends all the "losers" to California was particularly spot-on Michael Scott. Let Andy be the boss as Andy! And I like that there's another baby for Jim and Pam. L-I-V-I-N!
WHITNEY: It's Not My Wedding and I'll Wear a Hoodie and a White Dress If I Want To
Ohhhhhhhh lordddddyyyyyy. I saw 2 Broke Girls on Monday night, and with this I have been treated to the full Whitney Cummings treatment. Unless she also did the Charlie Sheen Roast, in which case I'll have to watch that too. What on earth is going on? What the hell is wrong with all of this? First off, there are laugh tracks in both shows, but Whitney's is from a live studio audience. This means they laugh more often and in more canned-sounded ways, forcing Chris D'Elia to pause in the middle of a sentence to deliver a joke. "If you're wearing a white dress-" HAHAHAHA "-to a wedding-" HAHAHAHA "-then how will the groom know who to marry?" AHAHAHAHAH WHOA HAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING WE ARE ALL LAUGHING SO MUCH HA HA HA. That line actually belonged to Whitney herself, but I couldn't remember any of his lines, which is a big problem because that guy was FUNNY in Glory Daze. Particularly funny. Yet here all I want is to die. Whitney switches to a yellow dress so she doesn't get confused for the bride, but GUESS WHAT! The bride's in a yellow dress too! Ah, life! This is just like Curb!* Not to mention, watching Whitney deliver these lines is like watching her give a congratulatory speech to Hitler. There is NO ONE less interested in selling these jokes than her, and I don't blame her. What I saw last night must be SO different from what she originally wrote and sold to NBC. But I'd need to see what she originally wrote in that case.
*I always hear Curb Your Enthusiasm shortened to "Curbed." Is that right? It feels right. But I left it like that up so as not to lose your respect.
IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA: Summer Dreamin'
I liked this episode better than last week's, which is like adding 200 to 100, which is like giving a good metaphor for something good being followed by something better, but it's not actually a good metaphor in reality, so I'm sorry. But it was sweet that Charlie finally got to have a night of consensual fun with the Waitress, and it was hilarious to see Dennis & Dee in a crack situation again (only much worse this time), and Rum Ham is both brilliant and delectable sounding. Only I figured that Charlie's whole deal was a hallucination because of all the sunscreen he drank. Nope, turns out not!
ARCHER: The Return of "WAWH"
Archer's awesome but after all that other tv, I was straight up no longer paying attention. I could blame the episode, but I know I'm the one to blame. Though I will say, David Cross, what's this supposed to be? I know a lot of these voiceovers are recorded over the phone, but that's no reason to PHONE IT IN, SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JERSEY SHORE: Jionni Jabroni
Here comes a doozy. Snooki goes to jail for this car crash but gets out in a few hours because her roommati bring her drivers licensia to the precincto. Back at home, Jionni tells her over the phone that Roger won't be making the trip with him. JWOWW is destroyed. Minimal drama happens, but it definitely reinforces what I don't like about Roger. He's boring and too real for this shit. "My job won't let me...I put in for the time off but I didn't get it...it's out of my hands" as Jenni cries. Everything except the "it's out of my hands" thing is boring. The "hands" thing itself just makes me like him less, since that sounds exactly like "...so you can't blame me as I am pristine in this situation" to me, which is helpful to no one but the pristine asshole who is still letting you down. Help ME, Roger. Not YOU. Help JENNI.
Jenni handles it like a pro and I realize that she looks and talks just like the girl from Dead Like Me, which I just started watching on netflix (now that we're all the way through with Ally McBeal). The lips, scratchy voice, and New Jersey "lilt" are identical. And JWOWW is a sobering presence, just like the grim reaper. Anyway.
The blonde girl who stalks Mike crawls into his bed before he returns from a night out clubbin' with an Aussie companion. The companion immediately retches and her eyes burn up like acid.
Finally Jionni arrives and wants to take a shower before doing anything else. Look dude, everyone needs a shower after international travel. But sometimes, if you're in love, if it means something (anything) to the girl you love, you push the shower off 'til later. Yeah, it's not ideal. But it certainly shows your girlfriend that you love her more than you love a 15-minute shower. (It doesn't matter that you have a longer relationship with showers. Showers know how you feel about them. They feel fine waiting. In fact, they know not the passage of time at all! (Thanks for the phrasing, Kit Kat.))
Deena notes that Mike's new thing is karate. Ohhhhhh dear, this is clearly a manifestation of brain damage but nobody has the ability to diagnose it. Sitch keeps trying to get into kick fights. He even reassures Vinny that the floor in the club has a great grip, better traction for kick fights. Unfortunately for kick fights, no such luck. The drama quickly turns to Snooki and Jionni, or Shit and Show. Yes, that's perfect because Jionni is shitty and Snooki literally shows her vagina to an entire club on purpose to be sexy.
Jionni tells Snooki to cover that kook, but her refusal forces him to leave the club in a huff. Everybody chases him - Ronnie, JWOWW, and Snooks - but only Ronnie ends up catching up to him. It seriously looks like Jionni's in for a knuckle sandwich, but Ronnie surprises us all. He calmly and with words reminds him that he walked into that life with his eyes open, while acknowledging that "Single Snooki" is not an OK persona for this relationship. Remember this because it will come in later.
JWOWW tries to give it to Snooki straight, but Shnickers is way too far gone to hear any of it. "I don't deserve this right now!" she insists, conceding how much she deserves it at other times. Jenni takes off her serious black wedge/heels and proceeds to blanket the streets of Florence by herself. This is the way a good friend would act in a movie. Damn, Jenni.
And so everyone makes it home before Jionni, for whom Snooki is waiting with her finger on the buzzer. Literally, because that would be disgusting otherwise. Jionni finally buzzes up and Snooki runs down the second flight of stairs to meet him halfway, but he sweeps right past her. Jionni is so mad, he's going back home after only 7 hours. Sammi overhears all of their strife and is simply astonished when she says "Now I know what you guys go through with Ronnie and me! It's terrible!" This is where that Ronnie thing comes back in. Ronnie and Sammi as separate people are almost as reasonable as the other roommates, which is not to say world-reasonable, but definitely as reasonable as you could expect these people to be.
In the end Jionni leaves. Mike calls him a wankster. Classic!
Next week's promo shows us Snooki making out with Vinny followed by Sitch basically proposing marriage to her. Damn, Shnooks. America's Sweetheart and then some!
all photos courtesy mtv.com
COMMUNITY: A Little Biology Lesson (Omar, that is!!!)
A hilarious yet low-key start to season 3. Chang becoming a security officer is a giant step in the right changrection, and I admit that I'm not hating John Goodman as much as I assumed I would and normally do - but possibly only due to his stellar Rip Torn impression while screaming at the Dean. The huge number at the beginning felt dorky to me at first until I realized it was one of those "There'll be this! /There'll be that! /Gonna pull a rabbit out of a hat!" opening numbers. The kind that makes a LOT of promises that most likely will be kept in one way or another. Like in The Great Muppet Caper!
PARKS & REC: Knope 2012
AMAZING! Tammy 1 is here and she's telling April how to use posture to increase boob pertness! Ron's sprinting at full speed down a slippery hallway! Andy's pouring Pepto on that guy's shoe ("Now I've unaccomplished that")! (Or whatever the line was) This was the best of the NBC comedies last night. Poor Benslie, though, poooooooooor Benslie.
THE OFFICE: California's List
First off, I think it's a great choice to put Andy Bernard in the Regional Manager's office, if only for his opening credits schtick. And it's an even better choice to put Spader in as CEO. But it's weird how many Michael Scott lines they gave to Andy last night. They were there all the way leading up to it, but the conference room scene where Andy defends all the "losers" to California was particularly spot-on Michael Scott. Let Andy be the boss as Andy! And I like that there's another baby for Jim and Pam. L-I-V-I-N!
WHITNEY: It's Not My Wedding and I'll Wear a Hoodie and a White Dress If I Want To
Ohhhhhhhh lordddddyyyyyy. I saw 2 Broke Girls on Monday night, and with this I have been treated to the full Whitney Cummings treatment. Unless she also did the Charlie Sheen Roast, in which case I'll have to watch that too. What on earth is going on? What the hell is wrong with all of this? First off, there are laugh tracks in both shows, but Whitney's is from a live studio audience. This means they laugh more often and in more canned-sounded ways, forcing Chris D'Elia to pause in the middle of a sentence to deliver a joke. "If you're wearing a white dress-" HAHAHAHA "-to a wedding-" HAHAHAHA "-then how will the groom know who to marry?" AHAHAHAHAH WHOA HAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING WE ARE ALL LAUGHING SO MUCH HA HA HA. That line actually belonged to Whitney herself, but I couldn't remember any of his lines, which is a big problem because that guy was FUNNY in Glory Daze. Particularly funny. Yet here all I want is to die. Whitney switches to a yellow dress so she doesn't get confused for the bride, but GUESS WHAT! The bride's in a yellow dress too! Ah, life! This is just like Curb!* Not to mention, watching Whitney deliver these lines is like watching her give a congratulatory speech to Hitler. There is NO ONE less interested in selling these jokes than her, and I don't blame her. What I saw last night must be SO different from what she originally wrote and sold to NBC. But I'd need to see what she originally wrote in that case.
*I always hear Curb Your Enthusiasm shortened to "Curbed." Is that right? It feels right. But I left it like that up so as not to lose your respect.
IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA: Summer Dreamin'
I liked this episode better than last week's, which is like adding 200 to 100, which is like giving a good metaphor for something good being followed by something better, but it's not actually a good metaphor in reality, so I'm sorry. But it was sweet that Charlie finally got to have a night of consensual fun with the Waitress, and it was hilarious to see Dennis & Dee in a crack situation again (only much worse this time), and Rum Ham is both brilliant and delectable sounding. Only I figured that Charlie's whole deal was a hallucination because of all the sunscreen he drank. Nope, turns out not!
ARCHER: The Return of "WAWH"
Archer's awesome but after all that other tv, I was straight up no longer paying attention. I could blame the episode, but I know I'm the one to blame. Though I will say, David Cross, what's this supposed to be? I know a lot of these voiceovers are recorded over the phone, but that's no reason to PHONE IT IN, SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JERSEY SHORE: Jionni Jabroni
Here comes a doozy. Snooki goes to jail for this car crash but gets out in a few hours because her roommati bring her drivers licensia to the precincto. Back at home, Jionni tells her over the phone that Roger won't be making the trip with him. JWOWW is destroyed. Minimal drama happens, but it definitely reinforces what I don't like about Roger. He's boring and too real for this shit. "My job won't let me...I put in for the time off but I didn't get it...it's out of my hands" as Jenni cries. Everything except the "it's out of my hands" thing is boring. The "hands" thing itself just makes me like him less, since that sounds exactly like "...so you can't blame me as I am pristine in this situation" to me, which is helpful to no one but the pristine asshole who is still letting you down. Help ME, Roger. Not YOU. Help JENNI.
Jenni handles it like a pro and I realize that she looks and talks just like the girl from Dead Like Me, which I just started watching on netflix (now that we're all the way through with Ally McBeal). The lips, scratchy voice, and New Jersey "lilt" are identical. And JWOWW is a sobering presence, just like the grim reaper. Anyway.
The blonde girl who stalks Mike crawls into his bed before he returns from a night out clubbin' with an Aussie companion. The companion immediately retches and her eyes burn up like acid.
Finally Jionni arrives and wants to take a shower before doing anything else. Look dude, everyone needs a shower after international travel. But sometimes, if you're in love, if it means something (anything) to the girl you love, you push the shower off 'til later. Yeah, it's not ideal. But it certainly shows your girlfriend that you love her more than you love a 15-minute shower. (It doesn't matter that you have a longer relationship with showers. Showers know how you feel about them. They feel fine waiting. In fact, they know not the passage of time at all! (Thanks for the phrasing, Kit Kat.))
Deena notes that Mike's new thing is karate. Ohhhhhh dear, this is clearly a manifestation of brain damage but nobody has the ability to diagnose it. Sitch keeps trying to get into kick fights. He even reassures Vinny that the floor in the club has a great grip, better traction for kick fights. Unfortunately for kick fights, no such luck. The drama quickly turns to Snooki and Jionni, or Shit and Show. Yes, that's perfect because Jionni is shitty and Snooki literally shows her vagina to an entire club on purpose to be sexy.
Jionni tells Snooki to cover that kook, but her refusal forces him to leave the club in a huff. Everybody chases him - Ronnie, JWOWW, and Snooks - but only Ronnie ends up catching up to him. It seriously looks like Jionni's in for a knuckle sandwich, but Ronnie surprises us all. He calmly and with words reminds him that he walked into that life with his eyes open, while acknowledging that "Single Snooki" is not an OK persona for this relationship. Remember this because it will come in later.
JWOWW tries to give it to Snooki straight, but Shnickers is way too far gone to hear any of it. "I don't deserve this right now!" she insists, conceding how much she deserves it at other times. Jenni takes off her serious black wedge/heels and proceeds to blanket the streets of Florence by herself. This is the way a good friend would act in a movie. Damn, Jenni.
And so everyone makes it home before Jionni, for whom Snooki is waiting with her finger on the buzzer. Literally, because that would be disgusting otherwise. Jionni finally buzzes up and Snooki runs down the second flight of stairs to meet him halfway, but he sweeps right past her. Jionni is so mad, he's going back home after only 7 hours. Sammi overhears all of their strife and is simply astonished when she says "Now I know what you guys go through with Ronnie and me! It's terrible!" This is where that Ronnie thing comes back in. Ronnie and Sammi as separate people are almost as reasonable as the other roommates, which is not to say world-reasonable, but definitely as reasonable as you could expect these people to be.
In the end Jionni leaves. Mike calls him a wankster. Classic!
Next week's promo shows us Snooki making out with Vinny followed by Sitch basically proposing marriage to her. Damn, Shnooks. America's Sweetheart and then some!
all photos courtesy mtv.com
18 September 2011
Amy Poehler, Melissa McCarthy, Martha Plimpton, Edie Falco, Tina Fey, And Laura Linney
I adore you
UPDATE: MELISSA MCCARTHY!!!!!!!!!!!
UPDATE: MELISSA MCCARTHY!!!!!!!!!!!
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