13 April 2010

The Unblairable Lightness of Gossip Girl Recapping

Although I took copious notes on last week's episode, I never wrote up a full recap. I will return to it, but it will just have to wait until you've read THIS WEEK'S RECAP!

This week, Blair and Chuck's post-Uncle-Jack fallout was minimal but satisfying, while Jenny continued moronically and vainly to try to lure Nate away from SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN. Meanwhile, Carter Baizen came back into town to make trouble for Serena, and Vanessa was nowhere to be found. Wins for all! And now, here are my notes in list form:
  • Blair dreams are a wonderful reminder of earlier winner-episodes, but why isn't she playing an Audrey Hepburn role? Oh, because it's Chuck's dream. I see where you're taking me, episode. I see.
  • Chuck simply wants his pre-breakfast drink but can't have it because the Bobsey twins-and-lovers have hidden away all of his alcohol. Nice work, Nate and Serena. Now show him where you hid the liquor before you get grounded.
  • And then Chuck flips them out of the way with a toss of the hand as he skulks past them. Nice!
  • Last time Nate was sent to comfort Blair, didn't he end up dating her again? And then they almost lived in Gramercy together? That was weird.
  • Having Cyrus and Eleanor as the parents-to-watch this episode was more interesting than watching Rufus the Moron, but they're by no means better parents. How did all of these kids even learn to put their clothes on right-side out?
  • Dorota tells Blair that "Traditional wedding must have happy couple who escort bride and groom to chapel." Cheap shot, Chuck. How much did you pay Dorota to come up with some fake Polish tradition just to get Blair to walk ten feet with you?
  • Serena is lying about Carter Baizen as much as Lily is lying about Dr. van der Woodsen. Next time we see Lily drinking a glass of red wine in front of the fire alone, she'll be listening to that song that's like "Teach/your children well..."
  • "BING IT?" Oh, I get it - since only the older people use Bing on the show, and since this is a show that clearly NO older people watch, it's clear that they're backhandedly un-endorsing Bing. What kid wants to use Rufus's search engine? Nice work, writers. Wink wink!
  • Nate caught Serena in the Humphrey Breakfastgate because of a croissant. The only person stupider than Nate in the world is Serena. And she does NOT EVER eat croissants.
  • Rufus claims that Dorota asked him to set up a game night. Nice try, Rufus! No one has ever asked you to do that.
  • Eric's Dan-Hair must be pretty flattering for Dan. It's much better than the limo-to-school Chuck-copying.
  • I love how, as soon as Nate finds out about what Chuck did, he goes right up to him and confronts him. Nate, Nate, Nate. Only dummies just put it all out there for the wrong-doer. You're supposed to connive using this new information. Even against friends. And there you go, Chuck turns the tables on him with nary a twitch of his little bejeweled finger.
  • Real-life Dorota shows up during the commercial break, and it turns out she's pretty and can speak English. I'm still into her.
  • Ah, the traditional Polish balloon game from the 1500s. Red balloons were I believe called "luftballoons" back then.
  • Jenny's "evil face" is hilarious. She just looks drugged-out, like a teenager who's drugged-out for the first time and feels like a big-britches now. Proudly rolling those unfocused eyes, smirking, walking around in a really way-too-revealing dress. Oh Jenny. I have a few different pictures of you (forgive the poor quality).
Yikes, Jenny. Gross.

Rule of thumb: If Serena can pull it off, maybe you can't?
  • Nice Larry Hagman ref, Eleanor!
  • How did Jenny know that there would be an incriminating room key in Carter's note to Serena? She goes into her purse with Nate like she has x-ray vision or something. It could easily have been a note that was just like "I have info abt ur dad. we r friends." Carter Baizen writes some dumb notes, but then again, I'm not positive Serena can read notes that aren't written that way. Seriously, I bet if she ever did turn in any papers at Constance, they read exactly like this season of antm's TyraMail.
  • Blair and Dan share a moment in the kitchen amongst the staff. And they seem to see eye-to-eye on something. Is a love seed burrowing itself in the fertile soil of the Waldorf Kitchen? Will it bloom in season 4? Gross! Blair and Dan!
  • Did Gossip Girl just say something like "the truth is getting massaged?" Ok, whatever, Gossip Girl. Good luck with your blog that apparently only still exists at Columbia.
  • Blair is as unenthused with Chuck as she was with Jack last episode. Nice back-to-back, writers! She has resigned herself to being a disgusting and miserable person. Sounds like freshman year, alright. Freshman year at George and Martha University.
  • Vanya-Jerry-from-Heavyweights has to play the Newlywed Game before he's allowed to get married? This is rough. And are Dorota's parents missing the wedding so that Dorota can confidently say that she's married to them when they visit in a few days? Won't they be upset that they missed the wedding? Dorota, I need to understand more of you and your people. Please stay on this show while also spinning off into a Queens sitcom. I think I need two exposures to Dorota a week, if I'm really serious about understanding what is going on.
  • Serena and Nate are fighting. Somehow I care less about them as a couple than I do about Danessa. Danessa. Wow.
  • Blair really takes this "happy couple" tradition seriously - so seriously, in fact, that she's willing to publicly embarrass herself and simultaneously ruin Dorota's wedding with a tearful admission of discontent. And of course, Dorota goes to comfort Blair because it is Blair's big day after all. I love how Eleanor stands in the doorway like "I coulda done that," and how Dorota should clearly say, "No, you couldn't, and that's why you didn't and haven't ever, and isn't it clear that I'm her mom now?"
  • Serena's chunky necklace obsession, documented here for you:

  • Rufus's empty threats against Lily's mom Bunny or Cici or whatever are hilarious. He's just like "well, she better be somewhere!" You tell her, Rufus! Tell that cancer-surviving old woman where her daughter must logically be!
So those are my thoughts on the episode. This was a doozy, if only because both Serena and I were completely shocked to see Lily answer the door of the Dr's hotel room. I mean, I knew she was with him, but it was still a shock somehow. She's there in his room?! She's answering his door?! What's the scoop here?

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