ANTM Cycle XV - Italian Vogue Edition

As of last night, there have been three new episodes of America's Next Top Model cycle 15. I'm going to group them all into one recap because that's the way it has to be. Let's go!

First of all, I have to say how pleased I am that the casting special wasn't like "Bleep! Bloop! We are robots & U R our FaceWeb friends" like it has been for the past two cycles. They are truly putting their classiest foot forward for this Italian Vogue grand prize.  And I glean from the past two judging panels that Tyra isn't forcing herself to wear jumpsuits every time this time. Already 1000% better.

Here are all of the contestants and what I think of them:

I forgot this one's name but I will insert it in a second (Kayla). She's a charming lesbian from Bumfuck USA, and she thinks that a peroxide-blonde perm is the best way to get noticed by Tyra Banks.

 I NEVER would have thought that she'd take the kind of pictures she takes. She takes VERY good pictures.

Such as:

There are two sisters, Terra and Chris. They're goofy and Tyra loves them and I wish they'd go all the way. Unfortunately, Terra was eliminated right after her makeover last night. She was a real crier. "Tick tick tick tick FLASH!"

 Chris had a hilarious conversation with this tall, awkward kid, Ann.

Ann is a very, very tall gal. Normally she looks a little dorky, but she photographs just like Paulina Porizkova, even at 6'2":

Chris and Ann were sitting out on the terrace and Chris was trying to make conversation by talking about guys:

Chris: After this we're gonna find you a man. You're laughing, but I'm for real! What's your type?
Ann: Um, hobos are kinda hot.
(they laugh)
...
Chris: What's the oldest you'll go to?

Ann: Sixty. (laughs)
Chris: (laughing) What kinda man do you want???
Ann: (suddenly serious) He has to be a warlock. (long pause) And he has to spit fire. And he has to know how to make sushi.

True to form, Tyra rattled off a list of extremely tall yet extremely successful models for Ann to look into:
Nadja Auermann
Oluchi
Veruschka

Let's see, who else...

Anamaria got kicked off on the first episode for being anorexic. I liked her because she reminded me of Gaga in the nose:cheek ratio.

Modern Orthodox Jewess "Big Boobs" Esther has G-cup boobs. That is, DDDDDD. And she hides it so well! Everything she's lacking in visible personality is present in implied strength of character.

Rhianna is awesome. She's a hippie whose hippie parents clearly named her after Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon." She poses effortlessly and gets artistic inspiration from flora, hence her short-lived nickname, Tree. Tree is great.

Chelsey is blonde, freckled, pale, and gorgeous, plus she has a gap in her front teeth. Remember when Tyra made Danielle (now Dani) get her gap closed?
And Danielle was like "You're crazy. Front gaps are in" even though she stood to get in a lot of trouble? Tyra just had Chelsey get her gap WIDENED as part of her makeover. Huh!

I think this kid looks a lot like Dr. Faye, the new psychologist at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Until they bleached her eyebrows, made her hair brown, and kicked her off.

 

This one is really great in theory. She's a multicultural mom/full-time worker/full-time college student named Liz.

They gave her a WAY better haircut, but she didn't seem very thankful. She's kind of throwing me for a loop in that way.

Here are the girls I still don't care much about:

 Kacey tried out a few cycles ago and didn't make it because she couldn't stop talking about how Isis was technically a man and how she thought this was a girls' competition. Congrats, cross-eyes! You made it into an all-girl season!

(Here it doesn't look like she's cross-eyed, but trust me, when the glasses come off it's like she's been wearing Opti-Grabs for too long.)

Square-Face Jane from Princeton, whose parents built a stable in the backyard.

 This is Lexie, who was an instigator (along with Kacey) during the casting special. Cool hat, Lexie! It is what makes you one of the "quirky" types.

Kendall is gorgeous, but she chose to distinguish herself in the casting special by telling Tyra Banks that she didn't like the idea of semen, so that's why she's a virgin (though they only used the word "pure," never "virgin"). However, I did like it when she followed up with "I just like to cuddle. Something wrong with cuddling?"

 I can't believe a new cycle is upon us already. I'm so excited! I'm also excited to finally be writing recaps for antm, which was the reason I decided to start writing them in the first place.  Hopefully cwtv.com can start putting more than one full episode online at a time so that half of my pictures don't end up smushed and grainy like these. WELCOME BACK, TYRA!