31 December 2012

Les Cupcakérs

It's 7:36pm on New Years Eve! The cupcaker awards are cutting it close this year! Man, good thing this is all planned out already and voted on and everything. Last year's Best Best of 2011 List of 2011 incorrectly referred to the recent Mayan non-apocalypse as Aztec. Let's hope this year gets a little more professional, please.


1) Best Car of 2012: Gabriel Camria Carquez Kotter, PhD of Automobile Physics. Amazing job yet again, Gabe. Very well done this year.

2) Best Holiday Cookies of 2012: In a shocking turn of events, we have a three-way tie this year:

 a) Scottish Shortbread Cookies, congratulations.
 b) Peppermint Toffee Bark, good job.
 c) Clementine Chanukah Cookies with Clementine Icing, nice work indeed.

3) Best Most-Watched Movie of 2012 (Besides Home Alone and Dazed & Confused): The Birdcage! In fact, when a friend of mine tweeted "The D is silent," I thought he was referencing Nathan Lane's Coleman/Goldman monologue. Then I tweeted back, "in fact, we never know where we are until we hear our last name pronounced!" It turned out he was quoting Django Unchained.

4) Best Tarantino Movie of 2012: Djano Unchained, you did it! You were full of laughs and explosions. I only just wish I knew what was up with that bandanna woman (Zoe Bell, the stunt woman from Death Proof!). I bet she has some really cool 45-second backstory, and I don't even know what it is. I will make it up right now:
Tracker Helga was raised by German immigrants as well, by a family whose great-great-nephew became a prominent Obergruppenführer in the SS relatively early on in WWII. She tracked slaves because her brothers tracked slaves, and she was good at it. She'd give her fugitives a ten-minute head start and then give her starving dogs their old rags to sniff them out. One summer night, when it was so hot the sun might as well have been out, she thoughtlessly wiped the sweat off her lip with one of her fugitives' bandannas. Her dogs, rightfully angry at her for being kept so hungry all the time and now noticing her scent, went right for her mouth. Ever since then she's worn a bandanna and fed her dogs food right off her plate.
5) Best Djano Unchained Fan Fic of 2012: The above Tracker Helga story. Wow, could you imagine if Tarantino had worked his magic on that? Granted, it doesn't really move the plot any further along. But then again neither do minutes 4-7 of the KKK guys. Not that I didn't love the KKK guys!

6) Best Grocery Store of 2012: Guys I don't know if you know this, but Trader Joe's has some pretty good prices. It's so busy, though. But not the one at home! Well done, Trader Joe.

7) Best New Show/s of 2012: I don't know, what was even new this year? That can't be good. Let me look it up. Oh, Animal Practice! Haha, only kidding, you did not win the award, Animal Practice. Haha. Oh, The Mindy Project! I like that. That one wins. Great job, Mindy and Ike Barinholtz. I'm also into Revolution. And to tell the truth, I didn't mind 666 Park Avenue, but it's gone now. It's probably all for the best.

8) Best President of 2012 and Beyond: Barack Obama. President Obama, it is go time.

9) Best Series Finale Recap of 2012: It was a close race between my Gossip Girl finale recap and my Jersey Shore finale recap, but I'm going to go ahead and give it to the Jersey Shore one. Remember my first Jersey Shore one? Aww, best of.

10) Best Best of 2012 List of 2012 Readers: IT'S YOU! YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 photo courtesy EnjoyHiltonHead.com

No comments:

Post a Comment