03 December 2012

Walking Dead: What I Imagine Must Have Happened

Dear Time Warner Cable,

Congratulations: you have managed to keep me guessing for 5 years. Will my show record? Will it stay on the DVR list when I have time to watch it? Will the cable box eventually respond to my pressing the remote control? Is it the batteries? I always know the answer to the last question. No, it is never the batteries.

My DVR was recording The Walking Dead at 9:15pm Eastern last night. By 10:25pm Eastern, the episode was mysteriously absent from my cable box. I can't imagine that a cable company knows this, but I try to write recaps for this show the day after it airs because I like it so very much. I try to spend as much of Monday as I can thinking about what I saw the night before. Last night's episode of The Walking Dead was the midseason finale - dare I say, the most important episode of the season.

Screw you, Time Warner, for screwing me again and again and again. You make my favorite hobby into a tedious punishment. I used to love television. Now I have to imagine what could have possibly been broadcast last night.

To everyone reading this: if you have the option not to use Time Warner (they seem to be a monopoly where I live), you might consider saving your money. Otherwise there's a 100% guarantee that it's going straight into the toilet.


What I Imagine Must Have Happened

Last episode left off with Rick's scouting gang creeping toward the edge of Woodbury. I imagine that they must enter the township, but I have no way of knowing since Time Warner Cable deleted it from my DVR. Michonne probably has a face-to-face with the Governor and I would bet that she scowls during it.

Andrea probably finds out something sinister about Milton the Scientist. Maybe he's trying to take brain matter out of live zombies, who knows, I sure don't. Maybe he isn't sinister at all. I might be too upset for this.

Judith is most likely fine but I'm willing to guess there's trouble in the prison. Oh yeah, the Governor was sending off a team to scout/assassinate the prison survivors. Maybe our gang uses the zombies as weapons against the Woodbury creeps. Again, though, there's no way to be sure. Maybe Carl does something smart? I wish I knew.

Maybe there's another helicopter. Maybe they run into Zombie Jim from season 1. Maybe they fall into a sinkhole and it turns out there's a whole city underground that's doing just fine, thriving even. Maybe Tyreese. Maybe they defeat the Governor. Maybe he manages to stay alive. Maybe he steals Judith the baby. Maybe they take a boat out on a pond but see that the bottom of the pond is full of zombies reaching up at them.

I imagine these things could have happened. Only Time Warner Cable knows for sure.

photo courtesy amctv.com

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