18 March 2013

Walking Dead Recap: Eat "Prey" Zombie

Last night two very important things finally happened on Walking Dead last night: Andrea finally made a move, and the Governor finally came out as Officially Crazy. This was another tunnel-vision episode, exclusively following Woodburians, and I think this mode of storytelling is working out well for this season's apparent lack of things to do. If this is the week Rick takes Michonne and Carl back to King County, I don't want to watch Milton wipe down beakers half the time. If this is the week the Governor finally goes for-real-totally crazy, I don't want to watch Merle rack his brain for more cool misogynist almost-insults. Great news, Merle - you've got another week to brainstorm!

The episode opens on a flashback of Michonne and Andrea's honeymoon in the woods. Andrea finally asks who these walkers were back before they were zombified, but Michonne doesn't want to talk about it. The memory seems too painful. But not as painful as these chains the Governor is setting up in a secret Woodbury torture chamber! [Spoiler Alert] OH BOY, COMICS! [End of Spoiler].

Milton's onto this torture business and he whispers his concerns to Andrea. They spy on the Governor from above as he whistles some dumb song that's supposed to be scary, but no whistled song is scary anymore unless it's "Twisted Nerve" by Bernard Herrmann (Kill Bill, AmHorSt, etc). Not even "Singing in the Rain" is that scary anymore. So the Governor is whistling some dumb song and Andrea ALMOST shoots him right then and there, but Milton pushes the gun away. Milton, you useless, useless, dumb loser.

So Andrea decides it's time to leave - FINALLY, ANDREA DECIDES TO DO SOMETHING - but Martinez stops her to grab her gun real quick. At the fence, Tyreese and his [daughter? something else?] try in vain to stop her. She's gone before they can shrug and go "oreo...?"

To reward Tyreese & Co. for being very useless, Martinez drives them out to the zombie pits where they're storing up zombies for the long winter. Just kidding, they won't be storing them for long. They'll use them to unleash mayhem on the prison. Tyreese doesn't seem into the idea, but his white-guy friend is all too happy to do whatever it takes to stay in Woodbury. He has a teenage child, you see. Not like Tyreese?

Meanwhile, Andrea runs anywhere from 5-50 miles through the woods with nothing but a pocket knife and gumption. When she stops and leans on a tree to catch her breath, a zombie grabs her by the neck from behind! The noise attracts more zombies, and the whole scene looks eerily like a zombie trap, designed for and by zombies. She fights her way out, but I mean...uh oh??

Somehow the Governor placed a GPS tracker on Andrea's tucked-in pants or something because he drives exactly to where she is. She loses him at a treeline, but somehow he figures out her exact exit-point from the forest. His loud, honking pickup truck meets her at a creepy warehouse. This must be a bad dream because the logic here is at best phantasmagoric.

She leads him through the warehouse making tons of noise, and it's up in the air whether she's doing it on purpose or not. He whistles, makes weird psycho-voiced threats, and breaks all the glass in the room with a shovel. Then he hangs up one of those party banners that says "It's Official: I'm a NUTBAG!"


Over at the zombie pits, somebody's wasting a bunch of gasoline to burn all the imprisoned walkers. I'd guess that zombies burn up pretty easily on their own - they're dried out, they do nothing but bump into each other all the time - but I guess it's worth it to waste all that hard-siphoned gasoline. Just kidding, I am beyond upset about this. Seriously, if I were in a Zombiepocalypse and someone wasted gas like this, I would spring into a murderous rage. IT IS NOT FUN FOR ME TO SIPHON GAS, A-HOLE. FIX. THIS.

Luckily, Andrea finds a stairwell full of zombies in the warehouse. She coaxes the Governor into her trap, opening the door and hiding behind it so that all the hungry zombies stream right toward him. This is a smart decision by Andrea, bringing the count up to like 1 or 1.1 or something low like that.

Foolishly, Andrea leaves the Governor for dead, which is a bad, bad idea. Somehow he escapes the mini-herd of zombies that were reaching for his delicious brains not one minute ago. He comes up behind her just as she approaches the prison. Uh oh. That torture chamber just popped back into everyone's mind.

Tyreese admits that he set fire to the zombie pits, but when the Governor gets back he asks where he got the gasoline. Tyreese is like "durrrr, gaso-what???" which makes no sense at all. If Tyreese didn't really set the fire but is taking credit for it, wouldn't he at least pretend to know there was gasoline involved? Wouldn't a better, more sneaky question from the Governor be something like, "How did you set the fire?" so that the burden of bringing up gasoline falls to Tyreese? This is all a nonsensical dream. If you lie about committing a crime, you cop to whatever the accuser asks about. That's kindergarten.

So this is how we find out Milton set fire to the pits, and it still makes no sense. I guess he wants the Governor to kill him but he doesn't really want to kill the Governor. Oh, Zombiepocalypse Stress Disorder! You are confusing because you are a hypothetical psychosis!

By the way, the Governor is outwardly lying about letting Andrea get away. No one knows he's got her locked up in [Spoiler Alert] Michonne's [End of Spoiler Alert] chains. And to think, Andrea could've escaped if only she weren't living in an actual nightmare.

Next week: The prison gang finds a new room in the prison that's their kitchen at home, but not their real kitchen, just like a kitchen they know is theirs even though it's like, completely different. Then it turns out they all came to school naked!!!!!!!!!

photos courtesy amctv.com and The Walking Dead wikia

1 comment:

  1. Actually, Tyreese (what is with the extra 'e'?) doesn't admit the burning the zombies. All the Governor says is that he heard there was trouble out at the pits and T admits to having an issue with them being kept/herded and that he shoots his mouth off sometimes. The actual burning of the zombies is never mentioned, which is why he's confused when The Governor mentions the gasoline. Love the recap though!