04 March 2013

Walking Dead Recap: For CLEAR, Dry Eyes

Last night's Walking Dead stuck with Rick, Carl, and Michonne for the entire hour, and I wish every episode would follow suit. Throw in Daryl for good measure, but that's all I need. I don't need the Governor's superslow creepiness, I don't need Beth's a cappella concerts, and I don't need Andrea's dumb tucked-in pants. I just need Rick, Carl, Michonne, maybe Daryl, and maybe this chair, and that's all I need! ...And this lamp! But that's all I need!

Rick, Carl, and Michonne are on a day trip back to Cynthiana, or wherever Rick's from in the tv version. I just looked it up and it's King County, GA, which is not a place. And Georgia has more counties than any other state (besides Texas)! So they're taking a quick jaunt over to a neighborhood that's only a day away, which could easily set up camp in, and why they're visiting isn't exactly clear. But you know what? I don't care!

They pass a hitchhiker on the way, and Michonne speeds right by, ignoring his miserable cries to be picked up. It's always the most recent members that want to make the club more exclusive, you know? Like, Michonne, they let you in and you're already on your second chance. What did this poor shlub ever do to you? They get stuck in the mud at the camp where the Governor sawed that guy in half (and picked up Andrea & Michonne), and the hitchhiker catches up to them again. But not before they're like "vrooooom vroooooom see yaaaaaaa! WOOoooooo!"

I guess Rick has brought the mini gang back home to get more guns out of his precinct, where he has keys. Didn't he clean that out during the pilot, though? Or at least show Morgan how to clean it out? I figure he could visit other precincts along the way to stock up. "But he doesn't have keys, Becky!" But surely a zombified policeman hanging out at the station would!

Nope, a better idea is to have a look around in King County, where the walls are spray-painted with inviting phrases like "Turn Around & Live." There are like five or six skateboards lined up perfectly. Oh God, oh boy. I'm pretty sure this is post-apocalyptic skateboard brigade HQ, and I for one don't want to stick around to meet those guys.

Eventually a zombie woman following them runs into a trip wire, which makes a sniper come out and start shooting. Rick and Michonne decide to try to snipe the sniper, even with CARL THE CHILD around, COMPLETELY UNPROTECTED. Somehow Michonne appears on the roof just as the guy appears on the ground, and Carl shoots him right in his bullet-proof vest. Doesn't Carl wear a vest sometimes? How about right now?

Guess what, the sniper is Morgan. DUH, WE KNEW THAT FROM SECOND 0.01 OF THE EPISODE. But did we realize he's crazy?? YES WE SAW ALL THAT GRAFFITI. But did you realize the entire place was booby-trapped??? THERE ARE SPIKES EVERYWHERE. I HATE THIS PLACE.

Rick sends Carl and Michonne on a crib shopping spree and waits around for Morgan to wake up in the booby-trap funhouse. Instead of being like "Hey, remember me? We saved each other's lives a little less than a year ago - you saved me from zombies and I supplied you with guns and ammo. We are friends and I want to help you. Please, please don't hurt me," Rick just sits there in the chalkboard paint-covered room, scratching his butt.

Remember when Rick was obsessed with his walkie-talkie reveries? And he'd talk and talk and talk like he was freakin' Walt Whitman over here? Well it turns out Morgan, who is completely crazy now, never heard them. Or if he did, he wasn't really listening. Because when Rick said he had to move his camp out of walkie-talkie range, Morgan was like "???! Oh, that's IT!!!" And he's been very upset with Rick ever since.

While Morgan and Rick crazy-babble back and forth like twin babies, Carl and Michonne begin their cribventure. Carl tries to shake Michonne to get something else for Judith, but she follows him nonetheless, thank goodness, and they end up at a zombie-filled diner. Carl's there to fetch the last remaining photograph of Lori Grimes.

They slide rat cages into the diner to distract the zombies, but one gets loose and ruins the plan. Zombies everywhere. Michonne and Carl barely escape, but the photo doesn't. Telling Carl to "wait here - no more bullshit - wait here," Michonne slips back in and grabs the picture, as well as an art deco cat statue. "It's gorgeous," she says, and for the first time I'm like "A-THANK YOUUUU, NICE TO MEET YOUUUUUUU!!!"

This didn't strike me during the episode and isn't important, but look how photoshopped this still looks:

I didn't even DO anything to it!!

The Foil Dads (not only are they foils for each other; they're wearing foil hats! BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH CRAZY) swap sob stories. Morgan explains that Duane died and turned because he was face-to-face with his zombie mom and couldn't pull the trigger. Rick explains that Lori died giving birth to Judith, but Morgan just spins it into "you got a new baby and you didn't have to watch your wife become a zombie." C'mon, Morgan. This is a 2-way street, buddy.

Rick invites Morgan to come live at the prison, where it's safe and there are other people, but Morgan's like "lol no way." He knows how badly people must want to take over that prison, and he's not trying to jump into that mess. Carl apologizes for shooting Morgan, but he's like "SON, DON'T EVER BE SORRY!" Now I'm sorry. This whole apocalypse thing is just awful.

Rick, Carl, and Michonne drive back the way they came and pass a bloody corpse on the road next to an orange backpack. In an exceptionally bleak, what-the-everloving-fuck final image, the car rolls back to pick up the backpack and then speeds off again. Good God.

photos courtesy amctv.com

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