As part of Jenny's punishment, Rufus brings her to help out at Eleanor Waldorf's "pop-up fashion show." Danessa becomes self-aware about how boring they are, and Chuck's mom shows us why she was in hiding for so long - she's confused all the way to the freezing point of stupidity. She was in love with two brothers? She uses literal language like "I'm not your mother" to express figurative thoughts? No wonder Chuck's confused! Here follow my thoughts in bullet-point form:
- Remember how Jenny used to be a fashion designer, very steadily up until she quit high school and Agnes for some reason burned her line? She hasn't even uttered the word "button" since then. Does she still know how to sew?
- Could it be that Rufus has finally stumbled upon a good parenting tactic? Give your juvenile delinquent something creative to do - now that's something Lily could never come up with.
- Blair tells Chuck, "I'm so proud of you for opening up to Elizabeth." That's nothing anyone would ever say, ever. "Congrats for not being a tin man for once, and with your poor beleaguered mother. Great work there, you robot!"
- Jenny looks like Lydia from Beetlejuice with this makeup and hair. I guess Lydia always deserves a second chance, but does Agnes? Really? Is she even 5'7"? PS I'd love to see Agnes at an AA meeting. 90 days sober, that's a laugh.
- Aw, Rufus is pretending to be happy about Danessa - what a liar! His world is crashing down! Or maybe he's just planning on crashing all their Brooklyn loft dates, which he does later on in the episode. Colin: "He's no Sandy Cohen."
- Pregnant Dorota! That baby's father is Jerry from Heavyweights. I just can't believe it!!!
- I love that Chuck's mom keeps that guilty/innocent look frozen on her face throughout the entire scene where she tells him all the miserable things she did to take away his hotel. Either own it like a Bass or GET OUTTTT!
- Damian texts Jenny to get more pills muled out, as though he forgot about what happened last week. Agnes's plan to humiliate him is not a good one. Jenny "has to admit, it's kind of brilliant?" No, that is kind of dumb. Please Lord, keep Agnes from getting together with Damian. I don't think the Upper East Side is ready for a hellmouth.
- Vanessa trying to impress Serena is so real and so constant. The one phrase you could use to describe Vanessa is "Definitely Not Serena And Never Will Be, But Will Always Want To Be."
- Blair's hat is horrible. It's clearly the reason that Chuck is having trouble with his hotel. Jack probably gave her this horrible, cursed hat.
- "Whatever the truth is, Chuck isn't ready to hear it. In the meantime, I have to get ready for a fashion show." Blair, your life is so demanding - first you have to determine what Chuck can/'t hear, then you have to ready yourself for various fashion shows. It's no wonder you couldn't ever find friends at NYU. WHY DID YOU GO TO NYU IN THE FIRST PLACE?
- "How's Congressman Wade?" "He's polling very well these days" Nice!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Cool nap chair, Dan, you boring old bag. Oh geez, they role-play Rear Window? So Brooklyn. There is no sex at all in Rear Window, by the way (my roommate Zach: "Just light kisses"), so whatever Serena meant by "role playing" is simply not going to happen here.
- Chuck takes his mom to a river-side path to talk it out, I'm guessing only because he now lacks the money to rent out an airfield to stand on. And man, you know they're related because of their rubber-faces.
- Did Vanessa eat lobster with those white gloves on?
- Danessa cannot be in a rut because they just started dating. Them being "in a rut" might be better described by them being "super boring people from the start, no matter whom they date, no matter what Hitchcock movie they hold hostage."
- What drug went into Jenny's drink, exactly? Roofies? Does Damian sell roofies? I guess it's more likely that it's a fake drug, or maybe a nameless painkiller. But for real, does Damian sell roofies?
- "Nate! Heard my nephew is ready to cry 'uncle.' Where is he?" Uncle Jack is my favorite!
- Vanessa got her flan recipe off the internet. Classic.
- At least Blair gets her groove back with this like, 20-word blackmail of Conwell. Very concise, Blair!
- Again, Serenate tries to set a trap. YOU'RE NOT CHUCK AND BLAIR. YOU WON'T WIN!
- Does the narrator say something like, "Jenny's about to get raped. Call the fashion police!"? That's pretty flip, even for the gossip girl.
- Obviously, Nate saves the day for Jenny again. I think we're supposed to feel like maybe he's obsessed with her, and he's too dumb to notice. Right? Because no one else remembers when Nate lived with the Humphreys in Brooklyn. It's not like he still owes the Humphreys anything from that. At this point, he's just gaga for Jennifer Tallulah. Gross. Poor Serena!
- Every single bar patron scoffs and laughs at Jenny on her way out, even though she's clearly been drugged. "What an idiot 15 year old roofie victim!" That's probably pretty realistic, though.
- After just a cab ride, Jenny's sobered up?
- Oh yeah, I forgot! Everyone at Columbia reads Gossip Girl. And I had totally forgotten about those huge floppy satin bows we all wore. Probably because my bow was too tight around that memory area in my brain.
- It looks like Serena just stood around outside waiting for Nate to finish running his Jenny errand. She's out on the street when he starts tracking J's cell, and then an hour later, she's still hanging out on the curb. Serena, you're not working tonight - you can go inside.
- Jenny's going to plot to split up Serenate? PERFECT.
- Oh, she really was Chuck's mother. Well, whatever. Now it's too late for Chuck to ever love again.
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