Another GG Tricap, Right On Time

The thing about recaps is that they're most useful/interesting/appropriate when they're published within a few days of the episode. Since I took notes on the last three Gossip Girls but still haven't written anything about them, I'm going to have to present a useless/boring/irrelevant one. JUST KIDDING OBVIOUSLY THIS WILL BE GREAT!

Three Weeks Ago: "Serena has Fallen, but Not the Parts of Her You Might Expect"
(Juliet tricks Vanessa and Jenny into helping her destroy Serena at some sort of saints and sinners ball that Chuck is inexplicably hosting)

• At one point Blair gets a pedicure while she's on the phone with Chuck, who is also getting a pedicure. I believe it is the same pedicurist, or a twin.

• Serena tells Lily, "You know, you just let yourself get blackmailed for no reason." Yes and no? I guess if I had unlimited money, I'd throw it at any/all persons who seem like they might actually have something on me/my progeny. Or I wouldn't? I don't know, I guess. I guess that's why I'm not Lily van der Woodsen.
• This episode contained Serena's now infamous line to Eric: "You're my little brother. You're not enough." ZING, BIG SIS! She still hasn't apologized.
• There were so many things wrong with Juliet's ultimate plan to take down Serena: 1) Neither she nor Jenny look like Serena, completely disregarding her face. 2) She kept her "ether" in some sort of potion bottle, which even I would have been suspicious about and I'm not even paid security. 3) You can't withdraw from Columbia via text or email or anything that could issue forth from a phone. I'm pretty sure someone has to sign something, somewhere. 4) It all takes place alongside Taylor Momsen's band's terrible single. 5) No one cares that Blair and Chuck are dating. 6) YET SOMEHOW IT ALL WORKS OUT LIKE GANGBUSTERS! Juliet comes out of that smelling like a rose! How?

 

Two Weeks Ago: "The Tate Donovan-Directed Episode"
(Serena wakes up surrounded by pills and her mother commits her to a mental institution without even asking if it really happened or if her daughter was framed or what!)

• The main thing about this episode is Vanessa "Tofu Stuffing" Abrams's technicolor navajo peacoat. It's the main thing because when you see it, it makes you barf and you end up missing the entire rest of the episode due to being so sick. 

• Rufus has been in such top-form lately. In this episode he both tells Lily he "thought she was over this" and corrects Lily about the possibility that Serena takes antidepressants. Of course Serena doesn't take antidepressants, dummy. How would she know to get them? Oh, and then Rufus spills all of Serena's secret beans in the hospital to whomever will listen.

 

•  Oh man, when Chuck spots Jenny walking into the Ostroff Center it's like watching a zombie pass by. Speaking of, you can always find my Walking Dead season 1 recaps here!

 

•  And finally, it took a few thousand slow-motion rewinds but I got to the point where I could make out the check Lily hands to Juliet as hush money - and it's only $5000. Blah blah, it'll be $5k every month, but come on. This is a van der Woodsen. Come on.

 
 

One Week Ago: "The Very Beginning Of The Best Best Friendship In The World: Blain!

(Blair and Dan travel to Connecticut together to solve the mystery of Serena's teacher fiasco at boarding school. On the way they run into Draco Malfoy Damien and he spills his guts.)

• There is a dictionary in Blair's room that appears to be glowing.

• Lily wears not one but two red power dresses in this episode. Wait a minute, red? Like as in evil?! Wait, guys, I think they're trying to say something about Lily...but what?

  

 

• "It's a little early in the day for that, don't you think?" says Rufus to Lily, mistaking himself for Sandy Cohen and her for Kirsten yet again. She's a businesswoman, Rufus. She's allowed to drink during the day.
• Serena's like, the best ever at making absinthe apparently. Everyone's good at something!

• One for the show bible: Blair Waldorf can't drive. But probably Chuck can.

• "Eric, somewhere between a Marlins jersey and the absolute truth lies the better part of decorum. Becoming an adult is about learning the distinction." See, Rufus? Rich women are allowed to get a little tips during the day! That is when they give the most coherent advice to their sons.
• It should be noted that everyone forgives Juliet immediately when they could probably stand to be like "Hey, how did you sneak into the Ostroff Center?" or "Which drugs exactly did you give Serena?" for a few minutes.  
• Friendship eyebrows!!

• Until January 24th, the best we can hope for is that Rufus has roadtripped off to find his true love Vanessa and that Serena roadtripped off to give a great big apology to her old teacher, boobie-style.

Thanks for hanging in there!