Let The 2012 TV Anticipation Begin! (Updated)

Academia tries to push school into a year-round calendar and fails, presumably because it lacks my support. Television gives itself a year-round premiere calendar and wins! Because I love it!! September: new shows! January: new shows! Summer: stuff goes on in the summer, I'm sure! Maybe Top Chef? Without further ado:

A MIDSEASON PREMIERES DREAM by William Shakesalsano 

Jersey Shore, MTV, Thurs 1/5 at 10pm
The gang flies straight from Italy into MY LIFE AGAIN! Prediction: Deena will misspeak. Snooki will get drunk. Jenni will be romantically sensible. Pauly D will win her over, anyway!!! 

Project Runway All Stars, Lifetime, Thurs 1/5 at 9pm
Mondo's coming back, but this time he's gonna have to deal with MICHAEL ANTHONY!!! Prediction: Mondo and Michael Anthony will become best (dressed) friends. (I mixed them up)

Portlandia, IFC, Fri 1/6 at 10pm
More comedy about serious bicyclists and artisan picklers! Prediction: They will have >1 guest star. 

30 Rock, NBC, Thurs 1/12 at 8pm
Liz "The Lizard" Lemon returns, only now she's got a baby and she's married...to a woman?! Prediction: Somebody will talk about Avery and North Korea and that discussion will somehow not be boring. 

Alcatraz, Fox, Mon 1/16 at 8pm
I don't know man, but if Hurley's in it and people start disappearing, then I'm going to be there. But this time I'm not investing in it emotionally, that's for sure. Never again. Prediction: "Hey Becky, why do you think the Alcatraz guards disappeared?" "I don't make predictions about this sort of thing anymore. I've been hurt too badly in the past. I am sadder and wiser now." 

Archer, FX, Thurs 1/19 at 10pm
AHOOOOOOOGA!!!!!!!!! Prediction: Burt Reynolds stops by but no one makes a Best Friends joke, only Gator jokes. That's ok. 

Luck, HBO, 1/29 at 9pm
I was so angrily confused while watching the pilot! But I will watch until it makes sense. Prediction: The world's next fad is HORSE BETTING!!!

Walking Dead, AMC, Sun 2/12 at (probably) 10pm
Freaking finally. Prediction: You may think the search for Sophia is over, but you have no idea how long they can stretch out the search for Sophia's training bra!

Bob's Burgers, Fox, Sun 3/11 at 8:30pm
Bob's Burgers has to wait for the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon to finish up first, but boy oh boy, when it does!! Man this has taken forever to come back. And now it's a mid-midseason replacement. Nothing's too good for H. Jon Benjamin! Prediction: I will enjoy it.

Game of Thrones, HBO, Sun 4/15
Prediction: Winter comes.

Mad Men, AMC, Sundays? This summer?
Thanks for waiting an entire year and then STILL not even setting a release date, AMC. You really are the king.
UPDATE: March 25th!! But it took Jon Hamm visiting a Doug Benson podcast for the news to come out. Get it together, AMC.

And you know Top Model's coming back somewhere in there too. Well done, friends, we've weathered the storm!