TV Is Coming Back, OR Finally, A Reason To Live Again

TV came back last night, THANK GOD. We're back.

NBC premiered new seasons of Up All Night, The Office, and Parks & Rec after a Thursday night installment of "Weekend Update." Here is what I thought of all of them, followed by a list of other tv shows I'm excited to start watching again:

Up All Night:
I've heard such great things about this show, but somehow I only watched 2 or 3 episodes of its first season. That baby's real cute. Maya Rudolph is funny but her character continues to waver between Oprah and Someone Less Powerful. Will Arnett looks thin, possibly from the stress of his then-crumbling marriage. Writing that makes me want to stop writing right now and go to my bed to listen to Carole King and let the rain pour down outside my window. This might be all I can handle. But let me quickly say that I like the addition of the brother, played by Luka Jones of the ill-fated Best Friends Forever, which I was really getting used to and which I still miss.

PS My roommate Colin just reminded me that the funniest part of the episode was Maya Rudolph kissing all those babies on the playground. I forgot and I agree wholeheartedly!!

The Office:
Kelly & Ryan are gone, and Clark Duke & some dude named Plop have taken their place. Clark (Dwight Jr) is working out well for me. I'm pleased with the idea that Jim might leave the company for a better career. I don't understand why Catherine Tate couldn't sue the company for establishing such a hostile work environment. They surround her with recycling bins, and apparently they purchase extra recycling bins to make a full line around her. There are like 6 of them.

PARKS & RECREATION!!!:
I can't believe Parks & Rec is back!!! It might be time to ask myself if this is my favorite show. Well? Is it? Is it, Miss Beck? Whatcha thinkin? STOP CODDLING ME IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW AND I ADMIT IT FREELY! I love all of them! This morning I was listening to Girl on Guy, the Aisha Tyler podcast, and she was interviewing Retta (ie Donna ie TREAT Yoself ie MY BENZ!!!). I love everything about this show. The cast is amazing, the setting feels like home, and the storylines are usually effortless.

But what was with Ron Swanson ruining this employee appreciation picnic? Is this the Ron we know and love? The one who won a burger contest by slapping plain ground beef on a grill? Why would he buy frozen meat and then threaten to season it for 5 hours? What's this pig about? Wouldn't he love picnics because there's meat and you don't have to go into the office? Also, why is Chris Traeger telling him how to run the Parks & Rec office? Was Ron not running the department for the previous 4 seasons? Why are Ann and Tom living together? Why has that lasted for more than one season? Where's Kathryn Hahn???

(all above photos courtesy of NBC.com)

It was a great night, everybody. And now for the rest of the shows I'm looking forward to this fall:

Revolution (NBC Mondays at 10pm): I guess it already started this week and it's been on Hulu for a while. Also I guess I'm not really that excited about it. JJ, I love you because you are my uncle and because of the first two seasons of Lost. But by now I know better than to jump into a new show of yours. I'll be wading into this one.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mon 9/24 at 8pm): END THIS. END IT WELL AND END IT NOW. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME LOOK AS FOOLISH AS UNCLE JJ DID.

2 Broke Girls (hahahahahahahahah JK! It sucks so much!!! haha!)

New Girl (Fox Tues 9/25 at 8pm): The more time I spend away from it, the more I'm unsure about its enjoyment factor. Is it too frou-frou? Don't I still wish Damon Wayans Jr were on it? Is it all just Schmidt in a fat suit? Becky, cut it out. You know you enjoyed it last season. You even wrote a You-Should-Watch article about it. You like it. Just wait 'til Tuesday. You'll see.

Hey, 'TIL TUESDAY!!

The Mindy Project (Fox Tues 9/25 at 9:30pm): Same deal as Revolution but with less suspicion. But I really want Mindy Kaling to succeed as a writer and a fashion plate and a household name so clearly we've got a lot riding on this.

Modern Family (ABC Weds 9/26 at 9pm): What a great show. I wrote a spec for it a few years ago called "Luke the Ladies' Man." I think it would have gone over very well.

UPDATE: I FORGOT KEY & PEELE! (Comedy Central Weds 9/26 at 10:30pm) Key & Peele surprised me so much last year. I went from "Oh, 2 dudes from MadTV? Neat." to "OH, KEY AND PEELE! You make me laugh I love you!!!" Man they're great. One half-Jew watching two half-black guys? Match made in heaven.

Bob's Burgers (Fox Sun 9/30 at 8:30pm): FINALLY! I've watched every episode from season 1 like 90 times now and Hulu's being kind of greedy with the Plus episodes. I just want to watch more of this all the time.

courtesy SeriousEats.com

  
Dexter (Showtime Sun 9/30 9pm): Kill Deb! Or make her start killing people!

Homeland (Showtime Sun 9/30 10pm): YES YES YES YES YES YES YES KOOKY JAZZ MANDY PATINKIN YES YES YES YES

30 Rock (NBC Thurs 10/4 8pm): How will they wrap up the many loves of Liz Lemon? All my days I've been waiting for you to come back home in the moonlight of New York City!

Gossip Girl (CW Mon 10/9 at 9pm): How will they wrap up the many incestuous teenage affairs of the insanely über-rich? Marry one of them off to Ryan Reynolds I guess. The rest lose everything in one last Carter Baizen poker game. Truly a lost weekend, indeed.

The Walking Dead (AMC Sun 10/14 at 9pm): YES YES YES DON'T WASTE TIME FINDING LOST CHILDREN JUST GO TO THE PRISON AND MAKE A NEW LIFE YES YES YES ZOMBIES YES

American Horror Story: Asylum (FX Weds 10/17 at 10pm): I can't wait to see all the new freaky deaky stuff. It's going to be weird. But I read somewhere that maybe we shouldn't be demonizing the mentally ill so much anymore, and I agree.

Community (NBC Thurs 10/19 at 8:30pm): FINALLY! What will the show look like without Dan Harmon? Well one thing's for sure, now Chevy Chase has no reason to complain about anything. Ha-ha he will complain.

Don't Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23 (ABC Tues 10/23 at 9:30pm): We are cruising toward a Dawson's Creek reunion, and BONUS, now that I've seen season 2 of Breaking Bad I feel like I know Krysten Ritter even better. The great thing about this show is that intertextuality really enriches it. The bad thing about this show is that Dreama Walker's eyes are distractingly huge. Costume Department Quick Fix: slap some glasses on it.

TV, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!!

courtesy eonline.com

Let The 2012 TV Anticipation Begin! (Updated)

Academia tries to push school into a year-round calendar and fails, presumably because it lacks my support. Television gives itself a year-round premiere calendar and wins! Because I love it!! September: new shows! January: new shows! Summer: stuff goes on in the summer, I'm sure! Maybe Top Chef? Without further ado:

A MIDSEASON PREMIERES DREAM by William Shakesalsano 

Jersey Shore, MTV, Thurs 1/5 at 10pm
The gang flies straight from Italy into MY LIFE AGAIN! Prediction: Deena will misspeak. Snooki will get drunk. Jenni will be romantically sensible. Pauly D will win her over, anyway!!! 

Project Runway All Stars, Lifetime, Thurs 1/5 at 9pm
Mondo's coming back, but this time he's gonna have to deal with MICHAEL ANTHONY!!! Prediction: Mondo and Michael Anthony will become best (dressed) friends. (I mixed them up)

Portlandia, IFC, Fri 1/6 at 10pm
More comedy about serious bicyclists and artisan picklers! Prediction: They will have >1 guest star. 

30 Rock, NBC, Thurs 1/12 at 8pm
Liz "The Lizard" Lemon returns, only now she's got a baby and she's married...to a woman?! Prediction: Somebody will talk about Avery and North Korea and that discussion will somehow not be boring. 

Alcatraz, Fox, Mon 1/16 at 8pm
I don't know man, but if Hurley's in it and people start disappearing, then I'm going to be there. But this time I'm not investing in it emotionally, that's for sure. Never again. Prediction: "Hey Becky, why do you think the Alcatraz guards disappeared?" "I don't make predictions about this sort of thing anymore. I've been hurt too badly in the past. I am sadder and wiser now." 

Archer, FX, Thurs 1/19 at 10pm
AHOOOOOOOGA!!!!!!!!! Prediction: Burt Reynolds stops by but no one makes a Best Friends joke, only Gator jokes. That's ok. 

Luck, HBO, 1/29 at 9pm
I was so angrily confused while watching the pilot! But I will watch until it makes sense. Prediction: The world's next fad is HORSE BETTING!!!

Walking Dead, AMC, Sun 2/12 at (probably) 10pm
Freaking finally. Prediction: You may think the search for Sophia is over, but you have no idea how long they can stretch out the search for Sophia's training bra!

Bob's Burgers, Fox, Sun 3/11 at 8:30pm
Bob's Burgers has to wait for the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon to finish up first, but boy oh boy, when it does!! Man this has taken forever to come back. And now it's a mid-midseason replacement. Nothing's too good for H. Jon Benjamin! Prediction: I will enjoy it.

Game of Thrones, HBO, Sun 4/15
Prediction: Winter comes.

Mad Men, AMC, Sundays? This summer?
Thanks for waiting an entire year and then STILL not even setting a release date, AMC. You really are the king.
UPDATE: March 25th!! But it took Jon Hamm visiting a Doug Benson podcast for the news to come out. Get it together, AMC.

And you know Top Model's coming back somewhere in there too. Well done, friends, we've weathered the storm!

I'm Just Here To Say I Love Bob's Burgers

N E body wit me?

photo courtesy FOX.com

Bob's Burgers, Loren Bouchard's latest gem, follows Home Movies and Dr. Katz in the Bouchard Arsenal of Greatness. I remember when I first heard about it, I got so excited that I wrote an article about it for that Gather thing. "Oh wow, H. Jon Benjamin AND Eugene Mirman AND Kristen Schaal together on a show?! OH GOSH OH WOW," I thought. And I had no idea how much my future self would agree with me.

Throughout the pilot and next 8 episodes, I went on a journey unique to cartoons that reward those determined to love it. The first episode, "Human Flesh," introduced some solid characters (like the mom, Linda) as well as some unsavory jokes that never really went anywhere (like that child molester burger with the candy on the side). I was delighted by Eugene Mirman's character (Eugene) and his Kevin McCallister* brand of tomfoolery.  I was like "I don't know, but I trust you!" about young Louise, Kristen Schaal's character. FOX's website described her as something like "the most enthusiastic of the bunch," although I can't find that anywhere on the website now. It seems they didn't know what to do with her back then.

*"McCallister" is spelled basically the same way as "Mc A-Lister." Is that its Scottish meaning or something?

It was like FOX was learning with me. As the show progressed, so did my understanding of Louise's character. Her wheeler-dealer behavior was justified by her position as the youngest and thus most vulnerable member of an unlucky family. She's just too smart to suffer for it. Plus, no morals. At the same time, Linda's maternal ditziness started feeling less exaggerated and more bittersweetly realistic. Eugene got more adorable in direct proportion to getting grosser and fartier. And, oh God, Tina.

Tina is probably the best new television character of 2011, and that pool includes Deena from Jersey Shore, who is pretty great so please let that provide you with some sense of the scale I'm working with. Tina, voiced by Dan Mintz, gets her heart broken basically every minute of every day. She's completely awkward and hormonally imbalanced. She looks like a monster, like if Chutnie were thinner but more masculine. But every so often she gets her dream come true, and it's like watching a miracle. In episode 6, "Sheesh! Cab, Bob?," she desperately wishes for a birthday kiss and actually gets it, against all odds. It sounds like a predictable ending, but the Belcher family (yes that is their last name) is so ragtag, it's like watching the Mighty Ducks win. WE LOVE IT!!!

And I would be completely remiss not to spend some time talking about Jon Benjamin's ridiculous voice talent. He's insane. It's not just his gravelly Boston-lite tone. His timing is perfect and he plays characters with the voice range of real people who joke around sometimes but can also be deadly serious or assily petulant at other times. Have you seen Archer? I would recommend that too.

Judging from the wikipedia page, it looks like season 1 will have 13 episodes. So far we've only gone through 9, so you're in a good place to start watching if you haven't already. It airs Sunday nights at 8:30, right after Simpsons. I wish Bob's Burgers paid me to write this but they did not. I don't know if I have to write that or if articles like this are usually just overcautious about avoiding legal trouble. Personally I invite legal trouble because then more people would be reading my blog. But seriously, I don't even know anyone that works at Bob's Burgers, I swear. I have one of Mirman's comedy albums and that's it. No legal trouble here.

I just love Bob's Burgers, that's really all I'm trying to say.