The Miniature Lodge I've Been Working On

THE MINIATURE LODGE

A few months ago I purchased some coffee stirrers that were too weak to actually stir coffee. But they looked like miniature 2x4s, so I decided to glue some together to make a small floor, much like this:

Once I made a big floor, I painted half of it red and realized I should make some red stairs to go with it (just in case it became a house). I also built some furniture with the coffee stirrers, including a couch, coffee table, and grand piano:

Here's a better angle of the grand piano (it's hard to see the pedals but they're there):

I used a playing card to make a rug for it. First I fringed the edges and then I painted the edges with white-out.

I printed out a bear skin rug but it looked stupid, so I used that as a model to make another one out of felt. I also made a chimney by stacking one million bits of stirrers. I then took a miniature ax to split a few of them to make a stack of firewood next to it. At this point the lodge looked like this:

 Complete with dining room platform (and enough Deacon's benches to poke your eye out):

At that point I realized the stairs led up to nothing, so I rigged a little loft above the piano area. I also carved a potted plant out of a piece of crayon and painted it. That was tough.

I built a bed for the loft and then filled in the bedroom with more furniture (dresser, nightstand, tv and stand):

The pillows are toothpicks I cut and painted white. The bedspread is cut from the same fat quarter I used to make the throw for the couch (so's the lampshade).

It was at this point I realized that I couldn't build a house without a bathroom in good conscience. So I built two walls to close off the bedroom and to make room for a bathroom.

 I also made one of those little rug-around-your-toilet rugs out of felt:

At that point the lodge looked like this (I added a loveseat):

So I painted the chimney and mounted a trophy trout to it. I don't know what a trout looks like:

Here's another view that isn't completely color-warped to show the stupid fish (but it's farther away):

I forgot to mention that I used nail polish to paint the couch and loveseat so they'd look more like shiny leather.

I think I'm finished adding things to the lodge because the last thing I want to do is clutter it. Granted, it still needs a kitchen. I tried to plan a way to stick one underneath the stairs, but give me a break. They can do cookouts or something. It's a lodge.

 

I assume the lodge should eventually be transplanted to a park so it can be closer to the trees and lakes. Which I would make out of twigs and puddles if it were up to me. But it's not. It's up to Nature now.

And Now For Something Really Hard To Sit In

In grade school, it was the desk with no basket underneath for me to rest my feet. In college, it was the molded plastic chair that routinely chopped off my feet at the ankle whenever I chose to sit indian-style. You know what IT is. And although you may share my troubles, here follows a list comprised solely of:

Chairs I Have Exceptional Difficulty Sitting In

1. The Papasan Chair.

I mention that I can't handle a Papasan chair and people look at me like I'm crazy. "But it's so much fun, Becky!" "Just sit still and maybe you wouldn't fall so much, Becky!" If I could sit in this chair, I would, but as it stands, the Papasan is a Very Difficult Chair for me to sit in. And if I am sitting in it, it's most definitely facing the ceiling, which means I need help getting out.

2. A Chair Made Of Cardboard Rolls.

PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH!

3. The Hanging Chair.

What, for when I go hiking? I might as well be wearing a full-body cast if I'm going to try to look natural in a hanging chair.

4. The Tub Chair.

Yes, I could sit in this...IF I WANTED TO TAKE A SIDEWAYS BATH HONESTLY!

5. The Loop Chair.

??

...inside?

6. The Naked Lady Chair.

Not even in private!!!

7. The Musical Chair.

Obviously the most comfortable chair in the world. Prepare to keep your own nether regions hoist up!

8. Lamb Chair.

What if you sat down in the dark and felt this chair's wool and you were like "wow, what a dreamy chair!" and then suddenly the lights came on and it was this complete sheep face nightmare!?!






9. The Gun Chair.

Why don't they go ahead and install that inflatable donut thing on it, too, for when I inevitably shoot my buns off.

10. The Ultimate Slap In The Face Chair."No, you may not."

And just to make chairkind feel a little less self-conscious, here's my favorite chair to sit in:

The Lovebird.