This Just In: I Don't Hate Super Fun Night!

When the new tv season was starting, I decided to skip Super Fun Night until someone (anyone) told me they liked it and I should try it. That happened yesterday, and I watched it, and then I also watched the rest of the episodes available on hulu. Guess what, guys! I don't hate it!

Saul Bass Google Doodle

The Miniature Lodge I've Been Working On

THE MINIATURE LODGE

A few months ago I purchased some coffee stirrers that were too weak to actually stir coffee. But they looked like miniature 2x4s, so I decided to glue some together to make a small floor, much like this:

Once I made a big floor, I painted half of it red and realized I should make some red stairs to go with it (just in case it became a house). I also built some furniture with the coffee stirrers, including a couch, coffee table, and grand piano:

Here's a better angle of the grand piano (it's hard to see the pedals but they're there):

I used a playing card to make a rug for it. First I fringed the edges and then I painted the edges with white-out.

I printed out a bear skin rug but it looked stupid, so I used that as a model to make another one out of felt. I also made a chimney by stacking one million bits of stirrers. I then took a miniature ax to split a few of them to make a stack of firewood next to it. At this point the lodge looked like this:

 Complete with dining room platform (and enough Deacon's benches to poke your eye out):

At that point I realized the stairs led up to nothing, so I rigged a little loft above the piano area. I also carved a potted plant out of a piece of crayon and painted it. That was tough.

I built a bed for the loft and then filled in the bedroom with more furniture (dresser, nightstand, tv and stand):

The pillows are toothpicks I cut and painted white. The bedspread is cut from the same fat quarter I used to make the throw for the couch (so's the lampshade).

It was at this point I realized that I couldn't build a house without a bathroom in good conscience. So I built two walls to close off the bedroom and to make room for a bathroom.

 I also made one of those little rug-around-your-toilet rugs out of felt:

At that point the lodge looked like this (I added a loveseat):

So I painted the chimney and mounted a trophy trout to it. I don't know what a trout looks like:

Here's another view that isn't completely color-warped to show the stupid fish (but it's farther away):

I forgot to mention that I used nail polish to paint the couch and loveseat so they'd look more like shiny leather.

I think I'm finished adding things to the lodge because the last thing I want to do is clutter it. Granted, it still needs a kitchen. I tried to plan a way to stick one underneath the stairs, but give me a break. They can do cookouts or something. It's a lodge.

 

I assume the lodge should eventually be transplanted to a park so it can be closer to the trees and lakes. Which I would make out of twigs and puddles if it were up to me. But it's not. It's up to Nature now.

Assorted Atlantan Things

Yesterday I got back from a trip to Atlanta and guess what, it was the best. Here is an assortment of the things I saw/drank:

1) My friends Katherine and Mary took me to an awesome sandwich place in Inman Park called Victory and it was the best place I've ever been to. If it doesn't show up on one of those "I loved eating here!" shows on the Cooking Channel soon, I'll eat my hat.

The sandwiches were $4 each and looked like this (picture from their website):

Also they had Slushie Jack & Cokes, which I drank and took pictures of:

It was the best sandwich place ever.

2) I also saw these purses at Belk and felt like Snooki must've sewn/twisted her bedsheets together in a last-ditch effort to never go hungry again. I mean they were UGLY, folks. Padded fake-satin arm straps.

3) At Walgreen's there were no 99¢ greeting cards but there WERE several thousand $5 Justin Bieber cards. Good to know! Oops, I meant "bad to know" (typographic error).

4) I went to a brand new bakery with my mom and noticed that the bricks on the wall inside didn't match the bricks on the outside. Good Lord what have the inside bricks been through? I'm so sorry for your suffering, inside bricks. You've clearly been to hell and back. Outside bricks, you lookin' fresh!

Man, I like Atlanta. See you at Christmas, my city friend.

Dr. Cupcakersworth, "Best Of" Professor Emeritus, Voices His Unwavering Judgment

It's the end of another year, perhaps the last year that we'll see the actual end of.* So many things have happened: many bests bested previous bests, and several worsts also worsted previous worsts. But that's 2011 for you! Year of the Toothpicks, we salute thee as we burn thee down to the ground.

*and I, for one, welcome our new Aztec overlords!

The Best "Best of 2011" List of 2011!

Best Car of 2011
Gabe Kotter, welcome back!
Your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back!
to that same old place that you parked about.
Well your battery needs trickle chargin',

and your front tire needs pressure gaugin'
Who'd have thought you'd win it?
(Who'd have thought you'd win it?)
Cupcaker knew, didn't it?
(Cupcaker wins it)
Wellll we tease you a lot 'cause we got you on the spot welcome back!
(Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back)

Actual Best Job of 2011
My new job! That's right, screw you old job. You freaking sucked so much. Remember how I lied and said you were the best job of 2009? That was only because I was desperate for a job. Now I have one I actually like! And now I don't silently cry on the subway platform every morning. It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

Best Pastry Experience of 2011
I finally got myself over to the Doughnut Plant, first after my 101 graduation show and then months later after a rehearsal with my new improv group. Square doughnuts + improvised comedy = Best Pastry Experience (repeatable) of 2011.

Best New Improv Group of 2011
King Regis!

Best Old Improv Group of 2011
The Venkmans! One is silver and the other's gold!

Best ANTM Winners of All Time
Tyra Banks puts two cycles of ANTM out every year, and 2011 may be the only year in history that I've been fully on-board with both cycle winners. Brittani Kline & Lisa D'Amato? Werq.

Best Chanukkah Gift of 2011
My brother's giving me his keyboard! That's right, in 2012 I plan on emulating every famous rock 'n' roll pianist of the past 6 decades, starting with Jerry Lee Lewis. Documentation to follow.

Best Wedding of 2011
My brother's wedding! We welcomed Rena as a wonderful new member of our family, and I'm pretty sure Matt got membership at her family. Very exclusive. Highly sought-after. Officially, inimitably: Rones. (maybe next time, royal family) Which brings me to: 

Best New Sister of 2011
Rena Kaufmann, no question. Hooray!!!

Most-Watched Movie of 2011

Thanks to Brian Fithian, I have now watched Dazed & Confused as many times as I've watched Home Alone this year. Possibly even more times? Let's see, I kept track of the times I've watched Home Alone since Thanksgiving and the grand total is 4. However, that doesn't include viewings earlier in the year (I believe my birthday blowout with Krista and Colin ended in an early-morning viewing). But BriFi really outdid himself this year. I make it a point to watch Dazed & Confused on New Year's Day (it helps with the Too-Much-New-Years Blues), and Brian watched with me on January 1, 2011. Then again on January 2, 2011, then on January 4, 2011, then a few million more times after that. The kid loooves them redheads, man. Yes he does.

Best Australian Comedian of 2011
Chris Lilley! Please watch Angry Boys because you will like it (but probably more the second time around).

Best Actual Definition of "Nonplussed" of 2011
adj. Surprised and confused so much that a person is unsure how to react. I play-dohed a mnemonic image for it. Please for my sake just use it.  

Best Readership of 2011
YOU KNOW I COULDN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, YOU OLD POOPS! I LOVE YA!

Happy New Year!

Celebrities You Didn't Know Were Married

Surprising celebrity marriages: you may already know about a few of them, you may not care about them, or you may not have even realized they could get married like everyone else. Luckily for us, legislation was passed in 1987 allowing Bruce Willis to marry Demi Moore. And thus, a thousand celebrities ran out and married a thousand other celebrities, and soon their babies will be of age to take control of the planet. And I, for one, welcome our new celebaby overlords!

CELEBRITIES YOU DIDN'T KNOW WERE MARRIED!

Anna Faris & Chris Pratt

I found out about this union a few weeks ago in a NYmag interview with Pratt. Who knew either one was married at all? Who knew two perfectly goofy blondes could find each other? Who knew there was any hope left in this cold, hard world?!

Christina Hendricks & Geoffrey Arend (a.k.a. The Snozzberries Guy)

Top Chef Masters alerted me to this couple's existence. We all knew Joan Holloway was married to some guy in real life, but we didn't realize it was "the snozzberries taste like snozzberries!" guy from Super Troopers. I love the idea that Christina Hendricks looks into this face every morning and every night and sighs at how handsome she finds him. He's like one of 10,000 possible anti-Roger Sterlings.

Zooey Deschanel & Ben Gibbard

Ben Gibbard cornered the indie music scene for a substantial amount of time, and Zooey Deschanel cornered the cute-marrying-actress scene for just as long. So they got married!!!!!!!!!! 

The Main Characters from Step Up

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan: Stepping Up...to the ALTAR?! That would have been a good tabloid headline.

Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally

I often wonder if these two were married during Will & Grace. Did Nick ever get tired of the cast's razzle-dazzle antics? Does Megan keep him stocked knee-deep in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? And when is the next time she's guest starring on Parks & Rec? Probably they need to let that storyline air out for a bit.

PT Anderson & Maya Rudolph

This is another couple for whom I have infinity questions. Where did they meet? Are any of PT's characters influenced by Maya? Does PT ever laugh? Is Maya really serious now? When they have conversations, do they last at least 3.5 hours?


Bridget Fonda & Danny Elfman

Danny Elfman is a musical genius who composed several of the scores we hear everyday on tv and in movies. Bridget Fonda must have gone up to him and been like "Hey, ever heard of me? Because I've heard of you. Let's do this. Here are the rings, I already got them."

Jay Mohr & Nikki Cox

Do you remember an old WB show called Unhappily Ever After? Since it aired from the time I was 10 to the time I was 14 and since Bobcat Goldthwait provided the voice of Mr. Floppy, the bunny doll, I OBVIOUSLY DO. Do you remember that the guy from Entourage and the older brother from Malcolm in the Middle were on the show as Nikki Cox's brothers? That's really what I'm getting at: do you remember Nikki Cox? Jay Mohr did, and that's why he recreated the entire plot of Picture Perfect in order to woo and propose to her. And it worked!

Emily Mortimer & Alessandro Nivola

Emily Mortimer played a woman with bird bones in 30 Rock, and Alessandro Nivola played a man with a wacky family in Junebug. Now they are married to junebugs and living by a rock together with 30 birds and bone-families.

Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard (indefinitely engaged)

I feel like someone tells me these two are dating like, every six weeks. And I always forget. Although Dax and Kristen are not yet married, they are solidly engaged, and I think that makes them perfect for this list. WHO KNEW?!?!

Lara Stone & David Walliams

Something amazing happened. Half of the hilarious duo Little Britain met the most famous model in the world, and they hit it off. If I had realized at the time that they were getting married, I would have written a zombie story about that wedding. AKA a huge deal!!

And finally,

John Lutz & Sue Galloway

John Lutz, I'll love you 'til the day I die, but for now, may you be happy in your comedic union of souls.

ANTM's Ann Ward Is In Vogue Italia!

As per the Tyra Banks, the reward for winning the last cycle of America's Next Top Model would be a spread in Vogue Italia as well as some boring deal about their beauty insert. Plus a contract with an agency, plus probably some sort of Covergirl hohokus. The gawkiest girl in the world won, and we all wondered what her spread would end up looking like - more lonely portraits eating bacon sandwiches, perhaps?

But no! Ann's spread is much more beautiful than bacon sandwiches! And at the risk of not citing everything properly (which I'm doing my best to do), here are her photographs:

The photographs all come from Oh No They Didn't! and there seems to be a source listed on that page, although it leads to another livejournal. Probably credit is due to Vogue Italia. Yes, it definitely is.

Congratulations, Ann! You have finally made some really expressive faces, and that wig WORKS. Congratulazioni!!!