At first I thought I might recap Top Chef just as thoroughly as I'm recapping other shows. Then I realized it's a seriously boring recap, and I don't have fast enough fingers to capture each menu that appears on the screen. Look, if my fingers aren't fast enough, whose could be?! So instead of doing a proper recap, I'm just going to give a few observations.
Padma Lakshmi made a grammar error. She said "the criteria for this challenge is this, this, and that." What must Salman Rushdie think of subject-verb agreement?
My dream is that one day, I'll be able to watch Top Chef and recognize the "famous chefs" before the bottom third has to explain who they are/why they're "famous."
Hey look at this: ELImination! This seems like something people might bring up.
My roommate Colin thinks that the Train Wreck Woman ("Great, now I'm shaking") might just be a cyborg that's short circuiting. Somebody call Steve Gutenberg, quick!
There is a certain rule of thumb that works similarly for both Top Chef and America's Next Top Model:
If you try to defend why your meat was undercooked, the judges are just going to say, "there is no excuse."
If you try to suggest that you gave better poses during the shoot than the chosen photo, Tyra Banks will cut you off with a strong, beautiful "I chose this frame for a reason!" Remember earlier this cycle, when she was like "YOU FORGET YOUR EYES, JENNIFER!!!"
That's basically it for me and Top Chef, not Top Scallop. I wish Fabio were still on.