03 May 2010

Actually, Blair Does Go To Columbia

After last week's explosive episode, I knew for sure what was coming in tonight's Gossip Girl: Nate would somehow be a member of Columbia's Lacrosse team? Oh. Actually, I thought they might have talked about Jenny and Serena's Nate-Fight. They did hit the Rufus-Lily-Serena's Dad scandal, and Danessa were as boring and insecure as ever, but somehow no one dared venture into Jenny-Tried-To-Kiss-Nate-And-Serena-Saw territory. Instead, the girls just fought about who was being more honest with her father. Classic GG.

And now, here are a few of my observations in list form:
  • Wow, we start off the episode with Serena & Nate kissing while Danessa act dumb in Brooklyn. What is this topsy-turvy world we've entered?
  • Serena's planning on going to a lacrosse game after lunch? Does she have a dress for that?
  • Twice in this episode, we see Chuck with cocaine. Parents Who Hate The TV I Watch, prepare your protest posters! This stuff is getting way too real for your teens.
  • It took Vanessa's sparkly, sequined sweater and her crunchy gross hair extensions for me to finally realize just how little GG's costumer watches the show. Does anyone from Brooklyn wear sequins? Has any playwright ever gotten hair extensions? I mean, I know Brooklyn has its fair share of chunky jewelry boutiques, but this is a depiction of a person who has nothing to do with what Vanessa's supposed to be. Maybe that's why everyone hates her. She dresses out of her own sphere. And it's always a disaster.
  • Do the van der Woodsens have a butler? How do people just appear in their foyer? Is the door left open? Do the front desk guys downstairs not call up to announce visitors? If there is a butler, why doesn't he announce who's there? I only comment on this because it does seem like an issue that just anybody can silently stand behind a pillar and hear any old secret conversation happening in that apartment.
  • Josh: "Everyone on this show always comes up with the worst possible idea ever." Bingo. They really just think of what the worst idea would be, and they go with that. Exmple: Blair telling Columbia students that she herself went to the university. Really, Blair? Is that really anything close to a good idea? You could have easily said, "I'm at NYU, but I'm considering transferring." Would have meant the same thing. Thank God her miserable ex-boyfriend applied on her behalf and saved her from her own idiot lie.
  • "Falafel is what paralegals eat." That's funny but not because it's true, just because it's what these girsl really literally think.
  • Eric telling his dad he's gay was almost as good as when the girl from First Wives' Club tells her dad, Stephen Collins, that she's gay. What a barb!
  • It is kind of nice to see Serena and Jenny fighting like actual teenage sisters. Huh, in all this time talking about how much Eric morphs into his older brothers, I never considered that Jenny's doing the same thing. Even after I had all those theories about J turning into S. Huh.
  • Did Danessa just break up? Does anyone care?
  • And in the midst of Jenny and Serena's fight, J serves up some steaming hot preteen garbage about "not screwing up things between her and her dad just because Serena's scared her dad won't love her for who she is." My cousin Julia: "Why aren't they talking about Nate?"
  • Of course Dan wants to sneak forties into Film Forum again. It's almost as fun as eating Shake Shack burgers in the middle of St. Marks but not quite as fun as reading each other's short essays in front of the Village Voice office on Bowery. HIPSTER DATE!
  • How on earth does Nate play lacrosse? Don't college athletes have practice like, everyday? Or even twice a day sometimes? I would've liked it if when Nate saw the girls Blair was talking to, he was like "oh, she's in my lit hum class...what a turd." Maybe his nonattendance of class is why he didn't say something along those lines.
  • Gossip Girl blog blasts are back in a big way. Does this mean the mystery of her identity is important again? Is it Blair? It's Blair, isn't it?
  • Serena completely tells on Rufus and then disinvites him to the Nightly Gala while Lily stands by like "you better listen to her! she's mad!" What a country.
  • Seeing best friends Chuck and Lily reunite was beautiful, as it always is. Why do they always reunite at galas? And in which past life did they know each other? Because it's pretty clear that these two have been friends for a very long time.
  • Aw, Jenny thinks she was dealing drugs? That's adorable.
  • Jenny and Dan's bro/sis heart to heart was great to watch, if only because it made them both seem like people again. For a while it seemed like they were both just made of shellac.
  • Serena, confessing her half-truths to her father: "The truth is, I've been a part of more than one scandal." Well said, power-tramp!
  • As Dr. William, VDW, professes his love for his entire family (or just Lily?), there are quick shots of everyone, and Jenny's is a very quick but very elaborate eye roll. I wish I could get video of this. Plus, the reaction shots end with a steaming mad Rufus!
  • Jenny wears a Serena dress yet again.
  • Oh my God, leave it to Danessa to make hand-written letters seem lame. Does this mean I'm a hipster? Help, am I a hipster too? I thought I was just polite!
  • JENNY BING'D "CANCER." +80,000,000
  • Eric tells his mom that he loves Elliot because he "speaks 3 languages and has a subscription to People magazine." When did Eric turn 43?
  • How amazing that Serena completely removes Rufus from the family just by inviting her father over for cocoa - in the universe of Rufus, Serena has Blair powers. She fully moved him on the chessboard.
  • And in the promo for next week, she wears a fedora while having a clandestine parking lot meeting with her estranged father. Picture to come.

So that's the week in Gossip Girl news. Jenny Bing'd "Cancer." That's all there is to say.

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