- First things first: Who cares about Chuck's new girlfriend? It's strange because she's got so much going for her: she's black, she's business-savvy, and she seems just as manipulative as Chuck. Then why does my stomach turn every time she's on the screen? Instead of feeling excited for Chuck's new prospect or devious for Chuck's new conquest, I just feel like, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeuh."
"You'll have to pardon me, but for the life of me I can't remember why on Earth I'm talking to you."
- I will say, though, that it was really fun to see Raina (Chuck's girlf) boss around her long-haired Asian temporary boyfriend. Maybe it's the actress because it really seems like on paper this kid would be awesome.
- Next things next: Serena's deadly obsession with her old teacher-crush/ex-con Ben. She really goes all out for this guy - wearing her chandelier earrings to their breakfast date, traveling all the way to a halfway house in Brooklyn to deliver a personalized farmer-tools gift basket, and demanding that Rufus offer him a room in the ole BK loft, which Lily most likely pays the mortgage for now. It's so clear that Serena's not going to find a new thing to focus on until she sleeps with the guy and freshly re-ruins his life. Remember when he was the one texting threatening things to his sister from prison? And now he's like, the most upright guy ever? Beating up ex-student/drug dealers, telling Serena that he Does Not Reciprocate. Serena's going to sexually burn him at the stake, mark my words.
- SERENA GOLD ALERT: When Blair and Serena find themselves up very early in their shared bathroom, Blair refuses to tell her where her new internship will be. Serena guesses, "You have an internship at...the donut shop?" lol, good one!
- Let's talk about Blair and Dan (Blain, Dair, Humpdorf if you will): Please God, please just let them stay friends. Or if they do get together, please PLEASE let it be like that one episode of Saved By The Bell where Jesse and Zack kiss and they're both really upset because they "felt something" but then when they do it again, they realize it was actually nothing and they're still best friends since kindergarten and nothing more. PLEASE. I love their before-work coffee dates. I love their snobby banter. I love them NOT GETTING TOGETHER. We all do!
Blair and Dan doing actual intern work. Fascinating!
- BLAIR GOLD ALERT: Her resume includes the fact that she has never owned a scrunchie. I would LOVE to see the rest of this resume. "Blair Queensington Waldorf. Height: 5' 7" (5' 10" in Louboutins). Weight: Omitted for tabloid purposes. Job Experience: I have never owned a scrunchie. [Then a lot of white space underneath until the bottom of the page.] References include the President of the United States of America. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."
- BLAIR GOLD ALERT 2: As Blair and Dan bicker/flirt all throughout their day at W, Blair distracts him by saying "Oh look, it's Georgina's baby!" BLAIROFL!
May this stapler grab be the only time Humpdorf touch each other.
- DAN GOLD ALERT: "You do realize I know Jeremiah Harris personally, right?" Classic Dan.
- A literary theory: Gossip Girl refers to Dan as "D" instead of "Lonely Boy" in one of her act break narrations. I can't remember how long it's been since Dan has been "Lonely," but this is a distinct suggestion that Dan is acting a lot like a certain "B" we all know. Great blogging, GG.
- BLAIR PYRITE ALERT: "Let go of me, you classless klingon!" or possibly "Cling-on." Uhh, what?
- Time to move onto less interesting things: The Captain & Nate the Mutineer. Nate told Chuck to tell Raina to tell her father to fire The Captain. And no one cared or did anything.
- And now for what we've really been waiting for: RUFUS BEING A TURD. At some point in the episode after we watch Rufus take 3 delicate bites of his yoghurt & forest berries for breakfast, he starts pulling a Serena all over the place and being like "Yeah Lily, why can't you just open up that confidential document in front of us? What are you hiding, you conniving jerk? I can't believe I let you pay for my loft and delicate breakfasts all the time when you're such a jerk!" And then he snatches the envelope out of her hands and gives it to Serena. Thank God Lily, the frequent divorcee, finds him so useful. He must vacuum or dust or something.
- Seriously, Rufus is like the Real Housewife of 1st Avenue. All he does is spend Lily's money and then say annoying things about how dishonest she is. Somebody get this guy a show on Bravo!
- Let's get through the Eric stuff so we can move on to one last Chuck thing: Eric's old boyfriend Jonathan came back so he could hang out with Lily for an afternoon and hear secondhand stories about Eric's trip to Stadt with his boyfriend Elliot. Then Eric hung out with Damien the Drug Dealer a lot because there's no one else in NYC who will listen to him. Then he FINALLY tells Serena what a bad and absent sister she is. All in all, I'd say Eric was a winner this week. Except that he always loses and seems to like it that way.
- CHUCK GOLD!!!! The 24k Edition: For one thing, Chuck can accurately price a $2000 suit upon one glimpse. He can also have a really sweet moment with Blair that makes me feel like maybe by the end of the season they can just get back together. But he just can't make Raina seem interesting...until the teaser for next week, when he outright explains that he's poaching her. BOO YAH!!
- Jenny and Vanessa have stayed gone. BONUS!
- Rufus and his pearls - I get the feeling this is just around the corner. Keep a lookout.