Unraveling All That Happened On Mad Men Last Night

"A Little Kiss" was a long episode, and I don't want to start doing Mad Men recaps, but I do want to talk about last night's season 5 premiere. I'm still upset with Mad Men for making me wait so long, and even though everyone else in the world seems healthy enough to say "I forgive you; you're back now!," I can't leave it at that. "You're back," I acknowledge. "Why did you make me suffer for this long? Do you have plans to be outrageously good tonight? Why come back at all? You must hate me, so I hate you." At least I'm already seeing someone about this. I can't even remember anything that happened last night from the 60s.

It's Memorial Day, 1966, and Don Draper's turning 40:

• He married Megan just like he promised last season (all those years ago), and somehow their marriage isn't total garbage yet...ON THE OUTSIDE.
• Sally only shows up in the first few minutes of the 2-hour episode, so NOT ENOUGH SALLY.
• Joan seems more flappable than usual with this baby on board, except when Roger's around. Kevin, you old Sterling, you.

 

• Pete Campbell, Who Cares?
• No Betty At All, Well Done!
• Peggy's mostly the same as she was, but right now nobody likes her stupid bean ballet idea. That's an early 90s commercial if I ever saw one. I bet Peggy ends up inventing the California Raisins. 

 

• For some reason, AMC hasn't put up a still of the "Zoobee Zoo" performance by Megan.
• It was tremendous.
• Is that all that happened? Oh no, gross, there was all that weird stuff from the second hour, like Harry Crane saying raunchy stuff about Megan as Megan comes up behind him, and also like when Megan cleans the apartment in her underwear and taunts Don about how he can't touch her until she makes him pull her hair. YOU ARE ALL WEIRDOS.
• Also, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce thinks it's making a huge burn on the Y&R guys by putting out an ad that says they DO like black people. But then a bunch of black people show up in the lobby and are like "We're glad you like us. Hire one of us." Yooopsies, SCDP!
• And as a fun British adventure, Lane finds and returns a wallet.

That was what we waited for for almost 2 full years. Was it worth it? Yeah, about as much as Mad Men has ever been worth it. It's a full-color love letter to the 60s and to humanity never changing, ever. I don't think anyone could pass that up.

photos from amctv.com