Our Lovely Lady Men
Last night's episode, "What Is Dead May Never Die," revolved around Weakness: the Greyjoys continue to pound their Iron Way into Theon's head, Tyrion further realizes how unsafe it is to be Hand of the King, and we meet the awesomest woman in the world - Brienne of Tarth. As Varys tells Tyrion near the end of the hour, "power resides where people think it resides." Pretty ballsy for a eunuch!
As Renly pulls a lesser-Joffrey and watches two of his soldiers fight, we meet some interesting new characters. His wife, Margaery is his lover Loras's sister, and she's pretty psyched to be here. Brienne is the tall warrior who defeats Loras in Renly's fun-fight, and she's REALLY pretty psyched to be here. Would it be offensive to say that Renly's surrounded by fag hags? I take it back. But by now it's already out there. It's interesting to see their personal ways of fortifying him -- Brienne physically protects him as a member of his guard, while Margaery suggests all kinds of pansexual ways to produce an heir. But even with all these reinforcements, Renly still has one weakness: he's nervous about people finding out he's gay.
Over in King's Landing, Tyrion warns Shae about staying hidden, since he'd be distraught if anything ever happened to her. That makes her a huge weakness, which is a sweet idea, but Shae takes it exactly the wrong way. So he sends her to be Sansa's handmaid, and I guess I'm just really hoping that Shae and Sansa find some way to be useful together. Poor Sansa. Dumb Shae.
Tyrion tells Pycelle, Varys, and Littlefinger three different plans for marrying off Joffrey's sister in order to find out who's most likely to rat him out to the Queen Regent. Again and again Tyrion makes it abundantly clear that he is the smartest, most mischievous character on the show. The plan works brilliantly, by the way. It's Old Twerp Pycelle, and Tyrion spares him by sending him to
Meanwhile in the Iron Isles, Theon almost sends Robb a letter to warn him that his dad is about to attack (to claim Winterfell "the iron way"), but he burns it up with a candle flame and thereby officially switches alliances. You better make sure that letter's all the way burned, goober. Sheesh.
And now for our manliest little woman, Arya Stark. We don't get to see her until almost the end of the episode, when she asks Yoren how he sleeps when he's seen such terrible things. It sounds like Arya is exhibiting the same strange symptom as her brother Bran - sometimes they can see through animals' eyes. Could you even imagine if they started seeing out of the dragons' eyes? That would be great and should happen immediately.
Yoren's camp is attacked by (I think) Lannisters, and although he gets crossbowed in the heart very quickly, he manages to take like 4 or 5 guys down with him. Thinking quickly, Arya tells the guards that they've successfully killed Robert's bastard son. But they HAVEN'T!
PS Why did Lord Incestuous not kill Jon Snow again? I am not clear on that.
Mad Men:
Ahh, the trials and tribulations of being a man, particularly when you're a very dainty one. In last night's "Signal 30," the Mad Men are sad men. Pete Campbell can't drive OR win in a fist fight. Lane Pryce can't seem to get a fellow Brit to get rowdy with him. And poor Ken Cosgrove can't pursue something he loves without getting a stern talking-to. You could easily say that Don Draper, that plumber-demigod, is the only man in an episode full of pansies. But it would be pretty insensitive. A lot like that fag hag thing from earlier.
Pete's in drivers ed because he grew up in Manhattan, and also because he might want to pick up a high school sweetheart while he's at it. So he relentlessly hits on this poor 17-year-old until she finds a boy literally nicknamed "Handsome" to save her from Old Man Campbell. SINCE WHEN IS ALISON BRIE NOT ENOUGH, PETE.
Speaking of the love of everyone's life, Trudy Campbell has finally trapped Don into attending a dinner party at their house in Cos Cob, CT. More on that later.
Lane Pryce makes friends with a Jaguar executive at a British pub transplant, but he ends up dropping the ball when their business dinner goes badly. Roger advises him to find something tawdry to bond over, but of course, it doesn't happen. At first I figured it was because Roger didn't count on the British variable, but when Pete steps in and snatches the account right out of Lane's hands, the Jaguar guy opens right up. In fact, he's a super freak. He wants everyone to go to a brothel and he means NOW.
So at the Campbells' dinner party, Ken finally admits to his coworkers that he's been dabbling in science fiction writing (as "Ben Hargrove"!!!). Alex Mack beams at her husband, never realizing that her pride is nudging him ever farther from SCDP's good graces. Then, without warning (except the fact that we saw Pete try to fix it earlier on), the kitchen faucet explodes. While Pete rummages through a brand-new toolbox, Don whips off his shirt and fixes the whole thing with I guess his fingers in like one minute flat. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaa, Pete. Hahaha.
After the faucet faux pas and his "You're my king" whorehouse visit, Pete's feeling pretty down. And he's about to feel worse because Lane storms into the office with news that they've lost the Jaguar account and it's essentially Pete's fault! The Brit's wife has found gum in his pubis, so the jig is up. Defending himself, Pete says that the Brit felt Lane was too much of a homo. Defending himself, Lane challenges him to fisticuffs. Don looks like he's going to break up the fight, but instead he just closes the drapes. Good call.
After a few anxious minutes, Lane finally trounces Pete and retreats to his office. Joan brings him ice and turns down his pass at her in the least humiliating way possible - by standing up and opening his door before sitting back down. "Everyone in this office has wanted to do that to Pete Campbell," she assures him.
The episode ends with various examples of how to deal with powerlessness: Lane manages to find an ounce of self-respect by resorting to physical violence against the pansiest wimp in the world; Pete laments his lot in life, what with a wife and child and house in Cos Cob, by maintaining "I have nothing"; and Ken tells everyone he's given up writing while still secretly doing it as much as ever.
I guess in the end, a unifying theme of Mad Men is that I'm never fully confident that any of these characters aren't going straight home to kill themselves. Congratulations, everyone. Life is the worst and so are the 60s.
all photos courtesy AMCtv.com and HBO.com
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