30 November 2009

A Very Thank-Der-Woodsen-Giving!

Tonight I witnessed a sizeable explosion of turkey feathers and elevator indiscretion on the CW. It was Gossip Girl, and it was Thanksgiving. And let me tell you, Blair had her pie indeed.

  • First of all, it's highly unlikely that Serena's grandmother would deign to involve herself in a Thanksgiving dinner ichat. And yet she does it anyway, and apparently she's just survived cancer. Just give her the emmy already!
  • I was astounded by Serena's newfound ability to lie UNTIL OF COURSE I remembered she's been lying to Nate. Which is not to say that Nate has lost any of his newfound ability to think, or at least to give witty quips at apropos moments. Case in point: "Threesomes, man, don't believe the hype!"
  • Eric begins the episode by sulking around the apartment doing his best tight-flannel, floppy-brown-hair, sucked-in-V-shape-body Dan Humphrey impression. Classic older brother syndrome. Remember when he started Chucking out right after Bart and Lily's wedding? That was hilarious.
  • Tonight showed us a lot of slap-dash "crushes" whose groundworks really haven't been laid yet:
    • (1) Nate is in love with Serena? Since when? I guess the very beginning of the series showed us a lovelorn Nate, but that was clearly because he was still in a post-virgin haze. Why does Nate like Serena now? Have they been spending more time together than usual? Nope. They all spend time at the campaign headquarters, but I usually just see Serena and Tripp hanging out by themselves. Shouldn't Tripp be signing documents at least once in a while? Either way, Nate's never there. Although I must admit, it's really sweet to see Chuck so clearly in on Nate's secret crush, which is only natural since they spend so many boy-weekends together.
    • (2) Dan likes Vanessa...because he looked at her in a new way whilst threesoming with her? Here's a tip: if you like someone, you know. You're not, like, taken by surprise by your crush's loveliness for the first time in the middle of a gross college THREE-WAY starring Hillary Duff. Perhaps this new crush Dan is experiencing is actually a crush on threeways. It seems funny that no one would consider that, even though every single person responds to anything Dan says for the entire episode with "...and how long have you been in love with Vanessa?"
I'm just saying that unrequited love storylines usually provide the most effective drawn-out tension, but when they're founded on nothing, the effect is the lamest.
  • These act breaks are THE GREATEST. First, Lily invites every single worst possible guest to Thanksgiving (I can think of a senator's favorite wife who's about to get a BIG surprise). Then there's a huge SNL-quoting "MM Whatcha Say" remix punctuating each miniature explosion - Vanessa hates her mom! Lily just saw Serena kissing a senator on a video phone! Jenny lost her appetite (ha-ha?). I can't believe that it's 2009 and television is going where I want it to go already! A truly intertextual tv schedule! First SNL speaks to the OC's Coop-shoots-Trey scene, then Gossip Girl puts her two cents in on that. Who's next? Mad Men? Perhaps a birth-story-confession followed by another birth-story-confession punctuated by the Beach Boys singing "Yeah! Whatcha Say!"? Only in my wildest dreams. Also I suppose Josh Schwartz would have to have his finger in amc, too. All in a matter of time.
  • And I want to add that the scene leading into the explosionthon suggests that Lily might be a burgeoning alcoholic just like Kirsten...until every single other person in the scene takes a long, hard sip of wine, too.
  • Serena must emit some pheromone that keeps boys from ever having a logical thought ever again. Sure, she's no college student, but for a senator to forget that elevators have cameras? That's pretty stupid. He must be in a haze, and that explains why he couldn't wait to divorce his wife until maybe a month after his election. You know, maybe to avoid the headlines he's still in. In the newspapers.
  • Blair's obsession with her mother's will is upsettingly boring. I guess it adds to my observation that she's becoming more of a child as Chuck matures. She's interested in the boringest stuff ever and everyone else has to play with her - even Dorota, who's actually pregnant. Then Blair invites Serena to Paris with her that night because when we play pretend, that's what we do.
  • Which brings me to Serena's routine international vacation-retreats. Is she living in the 90s? Is there really still this much money in the world? Every time she takes the SAT or almost sleeps with a senator or can't go shopping, she gets to fly out to Europe. When I wanted to run away in high school, I had to settle for driving to QuikTrip.
  • Jenny looked a lot like Dakota Fanning in one scene, which makes me wonder if any casting directors would consider a mid-season switcheroo. I'm pretty sure she could still pull off the patterned tights. At least more than Blair or Vanessa have been able to.
  • Although it was odd to see Blair herself carry a smoked salmon platter into the Van Der Woodsen's, the image was easily replaced by sweet memories of Chuck immediately serving up some maturity nice and rare to Tripp and Serena. "Get serious," Chuck's new haircut seemed to say. "You want to have an affair? Try growing up." Whatever he actually said, ManChuck strikes again!
  • PS Serena's wearing a jumpsuit to Thanksgiving. Someone's getting some mileage out of the failed Lily-80s-show costume closet!
  • Here's what I think Serena's dad's letter says:
Dear Serina,

Hi! How are you???! I am still a doctor without borders. I am helping tons of tribes. Our post office is in Switzerland! What a kick!

Are you nice? I don't know because I have never met you. Did you know your mom came to get me in September and October? Then she told me I could never meet you, even in the future! What's that all about I don't know.

I guess I love you! I'm off to go do surgery. Vive le Switzerland!

nice to meet you,
your namesake


So I'm guessing next week we'll find out if I'm right. And maybe we'll find out who Tripp's favorite wife is, once and for all!

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