ANTM Recap "Daniella Issa Helayel"

Moroccan Barbie Variety Pack

Outdoor markets, antique tea sets balanced on your head, monkeys, monkeys, monkeys. Such is the life of the Top Model in Morocco! At the top of the episode Hannah tries to compliment each of the remaining girls, but it's difficult because Alexandria keeps speaking over her to say "Yeah, but I'm a lot more though." The gang meets Franca Sozzani for tea, and Brittani accidentally brings up whether or not Franca's scared about the internet ruining print journalism. It's like she's campaigning never to appear in Vogue Italia. C'mon, Tani.

Soon it's time for the girls to balance trays full of silver tea sets on their heads. First they learn how, then they put on a show for 100 Moroccan businessmen. How or why on earth they would do this is a complete mystery to myself and the African continent. First of all, how are ANY of them good enough after 45 minutes to do this in front of STRANGERS? Second, now they're using LIT CANDLES?And third, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

Taken during the .01 second when teacups weren't flying EVERYWHERE.

It is during this portion that I realize Miss J has been calling Alexandria "Alexandra" this entire season. Classic!

Then the girls go out to eat in the outdoor market. They're served goat faces, brains, and eyeballs, and GUESS WHAT. They ALL try it! Never in my life could I have imagined that any contestant on ANTM would try crazy-meat, forget about ALL of them! To borrow from Sam Eagle, it's times like these I am proud to be an American.

Except Brittani gets sick from the goat brains and is pretty sure she's going to die before her photoshoot. Which, of course, goes swimmingly anyway. Molly also has a great photoshoot - hundreds of Moroccans gather 'round to watch the Great Blonde Wonder hug a carriage in a variety of ways. Then it turns out what Molly is doing is actually a sort of marriage ritual, and now she's married to everyone present. Weird!

At Eliminationsies things are oddly subdued. Everyone is altogether too aware of the end of the cycle, including me. So we leave it to Natural Swagzandria to tell us what she thinks her photoshoot was about: she thinks she was Aladdin, or a princess disguised as a "boy princess." None of the judges agree with her, which is funny because her thinking of herself as Aladdin makes no difference to the outcome of the photograph. The judges don't have to correct her on that; they just want to.

The Boy Princess

The judges seem to love Brittani's photo, but Tyra thinks that it's not high fashion yet. I'm not sure whose pictures she's been looking at, but this is Brittani we're talking about here, so trust me, Tyra, she's fine.

The Lady Gaga One-Eyed Pose

Hannah is convinced she took a bad picture, but her final shot ends up looking amazing. The judges think she looks "Bond girlish." If I could get just one leg that looked like that, I would gladly wear donuts on my head.

Donut-Head Galore

And finally, Molly's photo gives every judge conniptions. They want a face-on, they get a face-on. They want a pretty picture, they get one. But it's funny the way Molly's real life stink-face always comes through in her pictures.

Stink Face FTW

After deliberation, the judges declare that Molly and Brittani shall go on to the penultimate round of ANTM Cycle XVI! Hannah and Natural Swag await Tyra's decision, and boy are they nervous. They are two blondes in the fashion biz, and they've got a lot going for them. Who knows who could be more successful in the long run? The choice is difficult BUT NOT THAT DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SWAGXANDRIA IS OUT!

HERE'S TO YOUR DEPARTURE, NATURAL FART!

Photos courtesy CWtv.com