ANTM Recap "Franca Sozzani"

Molly smiling with a monkey on her head: proof that she can do this thing.

In honor of the models' first day in Morocco, Franca Sozzani visited ANTM this week. The fiery-yet-leathery editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia split her eyesight between mostly-blonde models and all-blonde camels. She was not impressed. BUT NOW FOR A MUCH LONGER EXPLANATION OF WEDNESDAY NIGHT'S EPISODE!

As the girls arrive in Sunny Morocco, Alexandria of the Natural Swag explains that she's a chameleon. Then she sees a camel and screams in everyone's ear. A veritable Dr. Doolittle of the competition! Nearby, Molly realizes she must act more like Alexswagria in order to win the contest. It is easily the most chilling realization of Molly's life. She looks disgusted.

Fashion trivia: apparently YSL used to consider Marrakesh his "second home." Will come in handy one day.

We're at the point in the season where it's hard to determine who is going home simply based on how much of her personal life story we're shown. With only 5 girls left, they're all getting screen time. Brittani talks about how to kill and serve a snake when you're a roadside bartender. Kasia talks about having a hard time not fitting into Go-See clothes. Hannah talks a lot too, but I can't remember anything about it.

Andre Leon Talley tricks the girls into having tea with him on their new apartment roof, then sends them downstairs. When they alight and Molly finds out that she'll have to share a giant bed with two girls, she handles it very well without complaining at all. Hahaha, only joking. Obviously to Molly sharing a bed is like being asked to sleep in a mud pit. Cheer up, girlfriend!

Tyra Mail warns the girls they'll be dealing with humps tomorrow. Granted, humps are one of a camel's most recognizable features. But so is mega-spitting. Why can't we ever see a Tyra Mail that's like "Cover your eyes and mouth and face, girls, because you're about to get spat on!" Oh, that's why.

The girls arrive at the desert where Michael Woolley will be photographing them. Brittani goes first and immediately tries all kinds of new poses, like standing on the camel and avoiding its spit. Molly looks amazing as always, out-January-Jonesing January Jones with the greatest of ease. Then it's Alexandria's turn, and Michael Woolley HATES HER. It's not clear why, but he full-out hates her like he's been reading my blog or something. "I'll knock it out of the park!" she offers at the start of her shoot. "That's the absolute wrong illusion," he replies. "We're in a desert, not a baseball field." Eventually he gives up trying to explain anything to her and just mutters "Okay, whatever, let's just do this." Oh MAN Swagxanders, what did you DO?

Hannah goes last, and the photographer loves her almost as much as he hates Alexandria. She keeps pretending the camel is a mechanical bull, as though she rides them regularly at home. Woolley can't get enough of it.

Finally it's time for the girls to face the Elimination panel, which includes this season's ultimate judge, Franca Sozzani. And she HATES EVERYTHING. Maybe the photographer was actually Sozzani in disguise. Right off the bat, she hates Brittani's photo:

I don't think Tyra picked out the best frame, but come on, Franca. She's teetering on the very edge of camel-balance!

Next is Alexandria, whose picture I actually like for once:

She looks like she's just standing on a sidewalk or something, like she got photoshopped onto the top of a camel. Nobody else likes it, which is a pleasant surprise. Tyra lectures her about acting more professional - it turns out Michael Woolley gave Tyra a piece of his mind after the shoot. For once I have no idea what Alexandria did wrong.

Next comes Kasia, who felt fatter than she really was throughout her entire time in Marrakesh:

The whole thing is awkward. It's not just Kasia - every girl is frowning and furrowing her eyebrows in the pictures. It is a desert. The sun does probably get pretty bright.

Molly's photo might have come from her first frame or something like that. She's pretty good.

And finally, Hannah goes last:

 

Not great, not bad. Definitely not overthought, for once!

During deliberation, Tyra once again asks herself how each particular picture would hang in her "SALon." It has become one of her main criteria, and it is probably the most accurate judge of a photo you could ask for. Kasia and Natty Swag end up in the Bottom Two, and somehow Alexandria crawls out of this thing still intact. She writes a letter home to her father, Benny Medina, to complain about Michael Woolley and to have him spat on by camels. If Natty Swag knows her pops like she thinks she does, she's got this in the bag.

photos courtesy CWtv.com