ANTM Recap "Francesco Carrozzini"

Last night's ANTM played with fire and 1960s socio-gender norms. The girls walked in a fiery fashion show by a designer I never found out. You see, my dvr didn't tape the episode on its own (even though it's set to) and I didn't notice it wasn't recording until 8:16. Josh and I had been giving Sports Night a try. It was great. It's my favorite Peter Krause role yet, and Felicity Huffman is amazoid. But what is up with that laugh track?

So at 8:16, Dalya wins the fashion show challenge by holding still while her gloves are lit on fire. Apparently Kasia walks with ducklips. That's hilarious, and not just because of Duck Lips from Full House. Miss J makes three girls (Kasia, Hannah, and Sara) walk home from the show so they can learn to walk and they ACTUALLY DO. They put on their heels and start marching downtown. What happened to the days of Lisa the Diaper-Peer? She would've been like "ok, they can't see us anymore. Car BOMBS! Car BOMBS! Car BOMBS!" But these girls do as they're told, and that's probably less embarrassing than peeing in a diaper to impress the boys from Jackass.

Just as the walkers get home, a Tyra Mail magically appears that tells them to cause a scene tomorrow. Suddenly, a thick envelope containing a script slides under the door! But it's not a screenplay from an aggressive PA. Nah, just scripts for the commercial they're going to be shooting. Dirty Smiegel in the corner (Sara's self-identifier) is like "Buuut I don't belieeeeeve in womennnnn's subsssservience!" OH GOD.

The product is Fierce Roast coffee, and the style is Mad Men femininity. The girls are encouraged to milk the sexual euphemisms for all they're worth, and gosh, they do.

First Natural Swag and Brittani go. Alexandria NEVER STOPS TALKING. She tells Francesco Carrozzini (the director) that they've missed shots. She moves the lights (which is against union rules, I'm pretty sure). She tells Brittani where the eyeline is. Franceso One-Brow is like "ah, okay-a, STFU." Meanwhile Brittani shrinks into the corner because she hates the way coffee tastes.

The costumers give Baby Voice a big fake butt and she loves it. She and Kasia do a good job, but no one admires their performance more than Olivia Munn. She's like "HATCHI MATCHI! KASIA'S GOT TALENT! WHOA MAMA!"

 

Every few minutes, Molly looks just like January Jones. It's uncanny. Her scene partner, Dalya, is a robot. Mikaelampire and Sara do so-so, obviously because of Sara's discomfort. Yet look how lovely she looks with this styling:

At one point Olivia Munn messes up the brand name and says, "I drink French Roast, that's why I said it." That oughta make things better, OMunn. Hannah whispers like a small girl, and it's weird. But I still like her because she still looks like Analeigh from the Amsterdam season.

At Elimination, Tyra has a whip or whip pants or maybe just makes a noise like a whip. It is hard to understand.  Nigel Barker can't stop gyrating with anticipation as he watches the girls' commercials. Quit the palpitating, Nige. It makes Tyra get too hyper!

TYRA'S GOOD ADVICE: She tells Dalya that she missed an opportunity to dramatically look up while taking a sip of coffee. It was true, she did miss that opportunity.

Luckily, every judge hates Natural Swag this week. She lands in the Bottom Two, but it's only to scare her straight, apparently. Sara loses yet takes it well. It's too bad she never got much better. It's too good they cut off that terrible padawan braid.

Next week looks like it will be an impossible Covergirl commercial that none of the models can handle. And everyone hates Natural Swag! Hooray!!

All photos from CWtv.com