Taylor Lautner Remembers Tiger Woods In A Very Special SNL

Today I finally watched last week's Saturday Night Live, and I get to watch a new one tonight - get ready for a double-header! Seriously, get ready because otherwise the potential for disorientation could be staggering.

After a Tiger Woods themed cold open, Taylor Lautner walked onstage and I thought to myself, "I have never seen this person before in my life." I hadn't, so I was therefore ready to give Lautner a perfectly unprejudiced audience. Then he did a back flip and staged the Taylor Swift-Kanye debacle the way he wished it had happened, ending with Kanye's head getting roundhouse-kicked off. I was extremely pleased. Then a bowstaff came out.

The first sketch depended on Lautner's unexpected rubberface for laughs. They were filming promos for all the Bowls coming up, and Lautner played a football player who couldn't handle looking at the camera. He committed in a way that reminded me of Taylor Swift's episode - while they're not comedians, they certainly earned their laughs. And a host earning a laugh is a thing of beauty.

Next came Kristen Wiig's "Ohh myyyyyy Godddd!!!!" lady. I enjoyed hearing a few new lines this time around and hearing about Wiig stepping on someone's neck offstage. It made me think of those old "Don't Tread On Me!" American flag prototypes. Then it was JENNY SLATE TIME and her big return happened to be in a show choir sketch whose best line was a death threat to this poor foreign exchange tenor after the principal grounded everyone. Detention-inspired death threats are hilarious. "I'm gonna kill you, Mikosh!!"

Things I Liked in Weekend Update:

• Swanson's Tiger Woods Side Dishes - that's funny.
• Nasim Pedrad is pretty great.
• What Was Up with GAGA and The QUEEN of ENGLAND. Neither of them could have had any clue what they were doing there. When Seth Meyers is right, he's really, really right.
  
• Cats trying on my clothes and checking my email!!!!!!!!!

When the second set of sketches came on, it remained the Jenny Slate Show. She and Lautner debated their sincere yet opposite beliefs in the Twilight Boyfriend Debacle. Someone was doing a miserable job directing the cues all night, and I made a note of it here but can't remember why. Then Jenny Slate sold some custom-made doorbells and it reminded me very much of a good, old-fashioned Fruit Paunch rehearsal: "Ding dong, Chanukkah house!"

Bon Jovi performed but there was absolutely no Jon Bovi present all night. And also no digital short, but they're probably just saving up for tonight.

And now, I leave you with my favorite part of the episode. I'm pretty sure it was "I'm gonna kill you, Mikosh!"