05 May 2011

Celebrities You Didn't Know Were Married

Surprising celebrity marriages: you may already know about a few of them, you may not care about them, or you may not have even realized they could get married like everyone else. Luckily for us, legislation was passed in 1987 allowing Bruce Willis to marry Demi Moore. And thus, a thousand celebrities ran out and married a thousand other celebrities, and soon their babies will be of age to take control of the planet. And I, for one, welcome our new celebaby overlords!


Anna Faris & Chris Pratt
I found out about this union a few weeks ago in a NYmag interview with Pratt. Who knew either one was married at all? Who knew two perfectly goofy blondes could find each other? Who knew there was any hope left in this cold, hard world?!

Christina Hendricks & Geoffrey Arend (a.k.a. The Snozzberries Guy)
Top Chef Masters alerted me to this couple's existence. We all knew Joan Holloway was married to some guy in real life, but we didn't realize it was "the snozzberries taste like snozzberries!" guy from Super Troopers. I love the idea that Christina Hendricks looks into this face every morning and every night and sighs at how handsome she finds him. He's like one of 10,000 possible anti-Roger Sterlings.

Zooey Deschanel & Ben Gibbard
Ben Gibbard cornered the indie music scene for a substantial amount of time, and Zooey Deschanel cornered the cute-marrying-actress scene for just as long. So they got married!!!!!!!!!! 

The Main Characters from Step Up
Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan: Stepping Up...to the ALTAR?! That would have been a good tabloid headline.

Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally
I often wonder if these two were married during Will & Grace. Did Nick ever get tired of the cast's razzle-dazzle antics? Does Megan keep him stocked knee-deep in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? And when is the next time she's guest starring on Parks & Rec? Probably they need to let that storyline air out for a bit.

PT Anderson & Maya Rudolph
This is another couple for whom I have infinity questions. Where did they meet? Are any of PT's characters influenced by Maya? Does PT ever laugh? Is Maya really serious now? When they have conversations, do they last at least 3.5 hours?

Bridget Fonda & Danny Elfman
Danny Elfman is a musical genius who composed several of the scores we hear everyday on tv and in movies. Bridget Fonda must have gone up to him and been like "Hey, ever heard of me? Because I've heard of you. Let's do this. Here are the rings, I already got them."

Jay Mohr & Nikki Cox
Do you remember an old WB show called Unhappily Ever After? Since it aired from the time I was 10 to the time I was 14 and since Bobcat Goldthwait provided the voice of Mr. Floppy, the bunny doll, I OBVIOUSLY DO. Do you remember that the guy from Entourage and the older brother from Malcolm in the Middle were on the show as Nikki Cox's brothers? That's really what I'm getting at: do you remember Nikki Cox? Jay Mohr did, and that's why he recreated the entire plot of Picture Perfect in order to woo and propose to her. And it worked!

Emily Mortimer & Alessandro Nivola
Emily Mortimer played a woman with bird bones in 30 Rock, and Alessandro Nivola played a man with a wacky family in Junebug. Now they are married to junebugs and living by a rock together with 30 birds and bone-families.

Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard (indefinitely engaged)
I feel like someone tells me these two are dating like, every six weeks. And I always forget. Although Dax and Kristen are not yet married, they are solidly engaged, and I think that makes them perfect for this list. WHO KNEW?!?!

Lara Stone & David Walliams
Something amazing happened. Half of the hilarious duo Little Britain met the most famous model in the world, and they hit it off. If I had realized at the time that they were getting married, I would have written a zombie story about that wedding. AKA a huge deal!!

And finally,
John Lutz & Sue Galloway
John Lutz, I'll love you 'til the day I die, but for now, may you be happy in your comedic union of souls.

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