21 November 2012

Soon To Be Ast-"Hounded": The Walking Dead Recap

Sunday night's "Hounded" may not have been fireworks, but it did cart the fireworks into place out on the high school baseball field. Then it took off its American flag cap and waved to the crowd, who in turn took out their phones to receive an imaginary, collective call from their dead wives. Wacky stuff!

At the very top of the episode, Merle and three buffoons stumble upon a "bitergram" (a zombie corpse telegram) in the woods warning them to "go back." Michonne has thoughtfully left it for them so that they have a brain teaser activity to work out during their long trek. She watches the curly-haired one have a crisis of confidence, then swoops out to kill the rest of the hunting party. "I knew I shouldn't'a tried to be a hunter yet! I'm too little and curly-haired :(" he thinks. How right you are, Curly. Too little!!!

Rick spends the entire episode on the phone for crying out loud. We're paying him $15/hour to sit, I just don't see why he can't hang out with the kids instead of chatting away on that damn phone for hours on end. This is not a day spa, Rick. This is not a day spa for wayward babysitters. It is a PRISON in the ZOMBIEPOCALYPSE. SO START ACTING LIKE IT!

Andrea's a li'l sassy to the Governor about all this pro-wrestling zombie-arena business: "It's brutality for fun, and I think the world's brutal enough already." Not nearly as brutal as a wardrobe consisting exclusively of off-the-shoulder gauze shirts. BURN, well done. (James Bond theme music).

Later on Andrea starts fence duty. She's paired up with a loser who can't even shoot an arrow into a zombie's head from 12 feet away. Andrea hops the fence, walks up to the walker, and stabs his brains out. She could've twisted her ankle or found herself in the middle of a zombie ambush, but she does it anyway. I told you Andrea would miss the action.

Honey, send Hershel in. I bet he can get Rick off the phone. What do you mean, 'he's just standing there?' He's a doctor! He should have some bedside manner, for Pete's sake! What was he doing, hoping Rick would eventually notice him? He's a one-legged white-bearded farmer! Rick has a problem.

Michonne, Merle, and Curly run into each other again and quickly realize they're surrounded by zombies. Curly saves Merle's life as Michonne gets away. Merle keeps Curly from going after her because "she's going to the red zone" and will die from copious zombie bite marks without their involvement. Then Merle KILLS Curly to keep him from telling the Governor. And his name was Curljulio? Rest in peace, Curljulio.

Daryl, Oscar, and Carl clear out a prison tunnel in the hopes of finding Carol's dead, rotting corpse. Daryl tells Carl about his mom smoking in bed and dying in a fire, and Carl responds with "...shot my mom." Oscar's like, "DANG. These white boys are way more screwed up than I thought. Is it too late to just have my own cell block with Axel again? Dang."

Andrea and the Governor flirt more, and boy is it titillating. They chat on a manicured jungle patio, drinking whiskey that was more than likely distilled in a tank full of zombie heads. Very sensual, very romantique.

Michonne is injured and covered head-to-toe in zombie guts. As we learned in a season 1 episode ("Guts"), the overwhelming stench of rotting zombie flesh prevents zombies from recognizing people as delicious food. Here we are, observing how people learn things without the internet. They go through visceral experience. PUN INTENDED HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALMOST!

You're kidding me. Rick is seriously still on the phone? We must be going over our minutes by now. He's not getting a tip. I'm serious this time, no tip!

Glenn and Maggie drive out to a pharmacy and find the baby formula mother lode. Michonne limps into that very parking lot, hoping to find a car to recuperate in. Then Merle farts in, right on cue. That's strange, earlier it seemed like was willing to kill Curly in order to avoid going into the "red zone" (which this must be, if Michonne is here). He must be trying to get to Daryl! The hunt for Michonne was a ruse! A dangerous ruse. Because now she's free to kill him. But she doesn't. She watches Merle take Maggie and Glenn hostage. Michonne, why have you forsaken us?

I'm going to cut the phone cord. I'm cutting it. No, there is no way Rick is talking to his dead wife. She's dead. She can't be on the phone! He's on the phone with a boy and we all know it! Well I've got news for him: if he wants to talk to boys, he's just going to have to do it on his own time. At the sock hop or the football game. Babysitting is a job and he's going to have to learn to respect that! What's that? He got off the phone and went over to the baby and the baby literally nestled into him? Ok he gets a tip. This time.

Merle marches into the Governor and Andrea's naked love nest. He's got an Asian and a farmer's daughter out back. WORLDS COLLIDE.

Daryl finds Carol and picks her up like at the end of An Officer & A Gentleman. Yikes and barf. May I say, there have been a number of funhouse mirror images in this episode. Rick carries the baby while Daryl carries Carol. Hershel's got one leg while Merle's got one arm. The zombies are swimming in a sea of person-food while the baby starves for formula. What's the underlying message? Stuff is wacky, I guess.

Wacky enough to trudge all the way to the prison and show up amidst a bunch of zombies carrying the formula Glenn and Maggie left behind!!!! MICHONNE!!!!!

photos courtesy amctv.com

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