UPDATE: I didn't do anything I set out to do

...and yet somehow there's a Fridanksgiving meal on its way! Right now it's hanging out around the kitchen. It's not ready yet.

I just figured for your sake I'd mention that I didn't get a haircut, didn't get a turkey until Thanksgiving morning, only BARELY watched tv (come on), and came up with an outfit 7 minutes before dinner last night. So if you skipped a few items on your own to-do list, you're just like me: still great!

Also I purchased a typewriter on ebay for just under $30 (that's including shipping) and boy oh boy, are you getting a great-looking Holiday Card this December!

In preparation for the holiday season, I've begun to put red noses on every moose head item in my house. This includes my toothbrush holder, a majestic poster in Colin's room, and the shower curtain. And the barbie horse with brown pipe cleaners around its head that stands atop the printer. Pictures to follow.

A Handy Thanksgiving Honey-Do List, Just For You!

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the glorious holiday feast that must happen four days from now? Are you feeling the extra pressure, seeing as it's FINALLY Thanksgiving on November 26th (aka Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving (probably because the first Thanksgiving I remember fell on the 26th))? Do you even have your turkey yet?

IF you answered yes, yes, and no, then this is the list for you. I figured if I have to get a list going to get myself ready for Thanksgiving, why not make it public? This way we all win.

Now, my Thanksgiving feast will happen on Friday, as I have a family Thanksgiving to attend on Thursday (one which will not yield me any leftovers BUT AT ALL). This means I must look good on Thursday and cook good on Friday. Here we go.

Honey Do!
SUN

• figure out who's going to give me a haircut before Thurs
• watch a lot of tv
• maybe I'll try to grab a turkey today wouldn't that be smart!
  

MON

• look for recipes for Friday's cookstravaganza. I already have a turkey/gravy recipe. Check!
  
• watch tv
  

TUES

• Finalize menu for Friday. There is still time to change the menu before Weds. Do not panic.
• Think of something to wear on Thursday
• Try to watch tv even though there's nothing on on Tuesdays. Perhaps watch Food Network for menu ideas
  

WEDS

• enjoy my final day of work before Thanksgiving
• go food shopping after work for friday's feastravaganza
• rewatch last week's antm finale to lessen withdrawal
• prepare a pie thing? early? this will be more clear after my monday/tuesday recipe legwork
  

THURS

• watch the parade (on tv)
  
• shower and put on makeup and clothes, plus perfume
• do hair
• get to dinner on time
  
• maybe make some more things in the morning for friday
  

FRI

• Cook it all up
• Watch tv
• Eat
  
• Stuffed and passed out by 8pm!

Preliminary Menu:
Turkey and Gravy (my first whole turkey YIKES BIKES)
Stuffing
Yams with pecans
A vegetable or two, but preferably not green bean casserole
Pie/s
Cranberry sauce
Rolls or Cornbread
How could I forget?! A nice festive soup to begin with! Probably squash based. With white wine and peanuts in it.

Feel free to use the list in any way that will optimally help you plan your Thanksgiving week. Just don't try to show up to Thanksgiving wearing what I'm wearing. That would be "going too far."

Top Scallop

At first I thought I might recap Top Chef just as thoroughly as I'm recapping other shows. Then I realized it's a seriously boring recap, and I don't have fast enough fingers to capture each menu that appears on the screen. Look, if my fingers aren't fast enough, whose could be?! So instead of doing a proper recap, I'm just going to give a few observations.

Padma Lakshmi made a grammar error. She said "the criteria for this challenge is this, this, and that." What must Salman Rushdie think of subject-verb agreement?

My dream is that one day, I'll be able to watch Top Chef and recognize the "famous chefs" before the bottom third has to explain who they are/why they're "famous."

Hey look at this: ELImination! This seems like something people might bring up.

My roommate Colin thinks that the Train Wreck Woman ("Great, now I'm shaking") might just be a cyborg that's short circuiting. Somebody call Steve Gutenberg, quick!

ANTM Crossover:
There is a certain rule of thumb that works similarly for both Top Chef and America's Next Top Model:

If you try to defend why your meat was undercooked, the judges are just going to say, "there is no excuse."

and similarly,
If you try to suggest that you gave better poses during the shoot than the chosen photo, Tyra Banks will cut you off with a strong, beautiful "I chose this frame for a reason!" Remember earlier this cycle, when she was like "YOU FORGET YOUR EYES, JENNIFER!!!"


That's basically it for me and Top Chef, not Top Scallop. I wish Fabio were still on.

Laura's Still On Top

America's Next Top Model: The Cycle 13 Finale.

Here are my thoughts on the two finalists:

1. Nicole is a Colorado artist with a bloody eyeball that she BRAGS about and a "subdued personality." Naturally, she's going to win.

2. Laura has everything going for her - vivacity, charm, an accent that just won't quit, and phenomenal photographability. But she wears homemade clothes in judging, so of course she's going to lose.

Thoughts from the beginning of the episode:

• There's finally going to be an Erin-free episode!
• Has anyone ever figured out if the theme song background singing says "NA nana nana na" or "MODel model model"?
• Listening to Nicole and Laura try to give usable dialogue for the editors is like watching two kindergarteners having the first conversation of their entire lives. "I want to win." "Me, too."
  

Thoughts from the Challenge:

• Probably the best cycle 13 moment is when Nicole and Laura are trying to memorize lines, and as dyslexic Laura struggles in the background, we see Nicole in front, proudly biting her lip and smiling as if to say "YES! Fully memorized. Laura's never gonna know what hit her."
• The girls shoot a Covergirl commercial wherein they play two friends hiking in Hawaii with makeup. I wish I could see these commercials while I'm watching regular tv.
  
• Bringing Teyona back is like a slap in the face. Can't we all agree to forget?
• Classic Nigel: As soon as Jay Manuel introduces him as the photographer, Nigel hulks towards the girls and slurs "HIII, LADIES."
• Nicole on set, giddily: "I'm not wearing sunscreen and I don't care!!!"
• Nigel to Laura, during her shoot: "Just think of your emotional inspiration. What inspires you?" Laura: "Milkshakes."

Thoughts on the Time Between The Challenge and the Runway:

• As Nicole rubbernecks to see Laura's runway walk across the bathroom, her VO says, "It's hard because we ARE friends...but that has to end now."

Thoughts on the Runway:

• Nope, no Erin-free episode in the entire season. Maybe next time, Becky.
• Beautiful, not only do the last six contestants walk in the show, but Eddie Murphy's daughter Bria does, too. Why wasn't she on Top Model?
• The Walks: Nicole refuses to do any walk besides the Cowboy-with-bruised-testicles. Laura always needs a little bit more attitude. Laura wins the runway, but not before writhing in gales of wind and glitter with her former co-contestants in the middle of the catwalk. This ought to go over well with the Parents Association of Improper TV That I Watch.
• TYRA TREND, CYCLE 13: She's obsessed with scarves and bleached eyebrows. Next cycle prediction: she'll be obsessed with tie-dye and dreadlocks...in my wildest dreams.
  

Thoughts on Final Judging:

• Nicole says that she wants to win because, "it would be the biggest bummer...to lose."
• Josh is still convinced that "Laura" is a character piece, and that win or lose, she'll end up like "Oi! That's alroight! Back to the outback where oi started!"
• ONE OF THE FEW INSTANCES WHERE TYRA IS COMPLETELY WRONG: Suggesting that Nicole's Clomp Clomp could be called a "signature walk." Come on, Tyra, don't do this!
• Classic Tyra, talking to Laura: "Hold on, hold on. Dyslexia who?"
• During deliberation, Miss J sits there with two huge shoulder poofs and somehow still manages to ask if Nicole can "control her shoulders." Really.
• Then Miss J quickly follows up with a clever, implicit suggestion that America's First Petite Top Model will actually be his penis. Take that, cutting room floor!
• Tyra's consolation speech to Laura was like watching two kindergarteners break up for the first time of their entire lives. "You are pretty." "I really wanted to win."
  

In conclusion, clearly Laura should have won. Actually, I would place it like this: Laura gets first place, and Tyra and Nicole share second. Miss J can have third.

And don't forget, we now have two champion Nicoles to keep straight. Will the next cycle be a Championship cycle, wherein each winner returns to compete against the rest of the winners?! I WOULD PRODUCE THAT MYSELF.

It's Gossip Girl's Cabaret, And It's Invitation Only

Here we are! Sitting together, reading Becky's first recap post. Sure hope it's great. Hey, it's starting!

EPISODE: The Cabagagaret.

I was told Lady Gaga would be narrating the entire episode, rather than appearing in just one awkwardly-placed concert insert. I was told wrong.

Reading through the notes I took during the episode, it seems that various storylines occurred this week: Not only did three very-close college students maintain a surprisingly unsloppy relationship, but Blair lost a my-diddums-is-more-powerful-than-yours match, and Jenny did some stuff! I'm still experimenting with format here, but I think I'm going to basically say a few things in paragraph form and then go through my notes in perhaps a bullet-point list. Hey, that link to the right doesn't say "potentially stolen from" for nothing.

• I forgot why Nate and Vanessa broke up in the first place. Maybe here would be the perfect place to introduce my gossip boy/girl theory. I propose that each character on the show can be accurately described in a few adjectives (e.g. Blair is Rich, Conniving, and In The End A Good Friend). Using these adjectives, you can pair up the boy characters to their precisely equal girl characters. Chuck is also Rich, Conniving, and In The End a Good Friend. See? They're the same! The rest pair up like this: Nate & Serena (Rich, Ditzy, and Moderately Slutty), Jenny & Eric (Outcasts, Experimenting with Looks, and Too Young To Know Anything Yet), Rufus & Lily (Old, Parents, Each Other's True Love), Dan & Vanessa (Pseudointellectual, Brooklyn, and In Love With The Rich, Ditzy One), and hmmmm who else? Is there anyone else? Who would Georgina match up with? Wow, I'd hate to find out.
• Which brings me to Nate's line near the end of the episode: "You can count on me always" Wow, well said, Nate. And totally untrue, and you're too dumb to notice.
• Lately people are addressing Vanessa by her last name, which happens to be my last name, and it's weird when she just had an unplanned (yet surprisingly unsloppy) threeway with the people who keep shouting "Abrams!" across NYU's various coffee shops.
• Jenny's reading Nylon. +3
• At some point, apparently Chuck says something to Rufus. Cut to Josh on the couch next to me: "Since when has Chuck deigned to speak to Rufus?"
• I guess Blair's trying to replace the headband with A BERET. Rock Bottom must be around here somewhere!
• Regarding the scene during which I missed LITERALLY two words:
  me: wait, Lizzie McGuire's going to have Dan write a play?
  colin: Dan will take her to the cabaret.
  me: Dan and Blair?
• Serena's shoulder pads: Doing their best to keep the neckline up while also keeping the hemline WAY up.
• Trip's wife "Who wants to take their favorite wife to brunch?" - yikes, she already acknowledges that there's more than one "wife" in the picture
• Nate's apartment window opens up onto a fifth grader's interpretation of THE BIG APPLE painted onto a shower curtain:

Look, review the play on that one. This camera phone image takes it all down to the backdrop's level.

• I had a note about Vanessa looking like blue Stevie Nicks. That probably makes sense for something.
• Serena was 13 when Jude Law's Alfie came out? Solidly born between 1990 and 1991. Mystery Solved.
• I was kind of hoping the Belgian with the Dinghy would give Jenny some of that E he's selling. On a remote controlled boat.
• Nate: "Post Threesome Stage One." Suddenly, Nate is becoming something. Perhaps it's the Core Curriculum. Either way, he's accessing the knowledge in his brain more easily, and he even makes mean jokes to Dan's face! If that's not the sign of increasing intelligence, I don't know what is. Tess: "He's like a freelance musketeer."
• I forgot all writers could jump back and forth among forms. Dan the novelist/essayist is now also a playwright. Which suggests that my next move will be menopause-prescription-fine-print-copywriting. If Only!
• Update: Jenny & Drugs. Tess: "It's about time Jenny got involved with drugs." Josh: "Does she still go to school?"
• Some mean-girl extra, in response to Lizzie McGuire's accusation that Vanessa is in love with Dan: "It is true."
• "Alternachick Abrams"
• I liked the Serena/Nate "What are we doing" scene better when it was Zack Morris and Jessie Spano rehearsing their kiss for the Snow White Rap.
• Once again, Chuck saves the day. His new leaf has remained turned since Lily's near-rape at the opera bathroom last season.
• I'm pretty happy that Chuck is turning into a third adult on the show. It's a shame that Blair has to turn into a baby in order for this to happen. It also throws off my gossip boy/girl theory, but I can keep working on that.
  

NEXT WEEK: Thanksgiving episode! with an elevator sex tape.

And Now For Something Really Hard To Sit In

In grade school, it was the desk with no basket underneath for me to rest my feet. In college, it was the molded plastic chair that routinely chopped off my feet at the ankle whenever I chose to sit indian-style. You know what IT is. And although you may share my troubles, here follows a list comprised solely of:

Chairs I Have Exceptional Difficulty Sitting In

1. The Papasan Chair.

I mention that I can't handle a Papasan chair and people look at me like I'm crazy. "But it's so much fun, Becky!" "Just sit still and maybe you wouldn't fall so much, Becky!" If I could sit in this chair, I would, but as it stands, the Papasan is a Very Difficult Chair for me to sit in. And if I am sitting in it, it's most definitely facing the ceiling, which means I need help getting out.

2. A Chair Made Of Cardboard Rolls.

PINCH! PINCH! PINCH! PINCH!

3. The Hanging Chair.

What, for when I go hiking? I might as well be wearing a full-body cast if I'm going to try to look natural in a hanging chair.

4. The Tub Chair.

Yes, I could sit in this...IF I WANTED TO TAKE A SIDEWAYS BATH HONESTLY!

5. The Loop Chair.

??

...inside?

6. The Naked Lady Chair.

Not even in private!!!

7. The Musical Chair.

Obviously the most comfortable chair in the world. Prepare to keep your own nether regions hoist up!

8. Lamb Chair.

What if you sat down in the dark and felt this chair's wool and you were like "wow, what a dreamy chair!" and then suddenly the lights came on and it was this complete sheep face nightmare!?!






9. The Gun Chair.

Why don't they go ahead and install that inflatable donut thing on it, too, for when I inevitably shoot my buns off.

10. The Ultimate Slap In The Face Chair."No, you may not."

And just to make chairkind feel a little less self-conscious, here's my favorite chair to sit in:

The Lovebird.

Positive Press

"and those were yummy, too!" - Julia, my roommate, upon seeing this post.

In The Meantime, It's Pistachio Day

Josh and Colin have entered into a Wonderful Pistachio video contest. This means they brought home five million prop pistachios. After we put literally as many pistachios as would fit in our bodies into our bodies, we had leftover pistachios. And so today became: PISTACHIO DAY.

To celebrate, I ate more pistachios and made pistachio sweets two ways.

The first:
Pistachio and Raisin Caramel Cookies, via cooks.com (All photos courtesy of MYSELF, BECKY ABRAMS).

Here is the recipe:

1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1/4 c. firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 egg
1 c. stone ground flour
3/4 c. oats (old-fashioned or quick cooking), uncooked
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 c. golden or dark raisins OR 6 oz. chocolate morsels
1/2 c. coarsely chopped nuts (pistachios, almonds, walnuts or pecans)

In large bowl with electric mixer, beat butter, granulated sugar and brown sugar until light and fluffy. Mix in vanilla and egg.

Stir together flour, oats, baking soda and salt. Add to mixture and mix until blended. Add raisins and nuts mixing well.

Drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto greased baking sheet. Bake in preheated 350 oven for 8 to 10 minutes until golden brown. Transfer to racks to cool. Makes approximately 2 1/2 dozen cookies. (Freezes well.)

Here are more pictures:

Secondly:


Pistachio Cupcakes, via In Jennie's Kitchen.

The recipe:

Makes 12.
You need a very clean, dry bowl for beating egg whites, so I do that step first. They’ll be fine standing for a few minutes while you prepare the rest of the batter (and you don’t have to worry about cleaning the bowl twice).

1 cup flour
½ cup pistachios, very finely ground
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup milk
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon almond extract
2 large egg whites, at room temperature
4 tablespoons butter
½ cup sugar

1. Preheat oven to 350º. Coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, pistachios, baking powder and salt; set aside. Stir extracts into the milk; set aside.

2. Beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. Carefully transfer to a bowl and set aside.

3. Add the butter and sugar to the mixing bowl; fit mixer with paddle attachment. Beat until mixture is fluffy. On low speed, gradually add flour mixture. Slowly pour in milk-extract combination, and beat until just mixed (at this point, the batter will be very thick – do not over beating or it will create a tough crumb).

4. Fold in the beaten egg whites. Evenly spoon batter into prepared muffin tin. Bake for 13 to 15 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Top with Pistachio Frosting.

PISTACHIO FROSTING (by ME, Becky Abrams!):
Mix confectioners sugar, ground pistachio, and cream together until desired consistency (start with 1 c. sugar : 1/3 c. ground pistachio : 1-2 Tbs. cream). Add ONE drop of green food coloring. Sprinkle top with ground pistachio.

Here are more pictures:

In closing, your honor, I didn't do any tv recapping today, but I certainly did honor Pistachio Day. And then I let you in on it, which is half the secret. What's the other half of the secret to blogging? Nice try. Great try, really. Even I don't know the other half. I would assume it has to do with html. I still think html is l33t speak for hotmail.

It's not, right?

pistachios!

Maybe Becklectic Is A TV Recap Blog Now

In the good old days, Becklectic was all over the place. You might have said it was rather eclectic! That was the point of naming it Becklectic. That it was about a lot of things.

Then after three great years, we had a real stinker year. Everything was "I hate health insurance" and "with the younger girls it's always 'let's go camping.'" I mean, even I stopped reading it. And I don't blame me.

Then suddenly I graduated college and spent a year doing NOTHING but reading television recaps. Probably to make it look like I really am going to have a career involving television, even if I have nothing to do with the industry in any way. AND SO:

BECKLECTIC HAS DECIDED:

TO GO RECAP.

That's right, I'll be recapping all the television I watch. It will be like you're Nielsen and I'm every family with a box. You might not even have to watch tv anymore!! I wouldn't recommend quitting tv, but you're obviously allowed to do whatever you want, now that we're not married anymore. God, it's like I can't even say the word! This is ridiculous. Divorce. Divorced! We are divorced! But you can still read my recaps.

I'm projecting recaps of the following series:
America's Next Top Model

as well as occasionally:
Must-See Thursday (including It's Always Sunny) (not including Community or Parks & Recreation, or at least not yet)
Gossip Girl MAYBE
how i met your mother
I would have done Dollhouse but it JUST GOT CANCELED.

Prepare yourself.



ADDITION:
And maybe Top Chef!

A Defense of Tyra Banks

OK.

Although I can't chalk it all up to the writers' strike, the amount of America's Next Top Model marathons I watch is OFF THE CHARTS. There was nothing on tv for so many months in 2007-8, and there are so many cycles of antm, and there's SO much packed into each episode...it was the only reasonable alternative. Of course, I watched it insanely before the strike and god KNOWS I kept it going strong after the end. For this reason, I have a great idea of why Tyra Banks deserves more consideration than just the yuck face and snarky comment anybody would automatically make upon hearing her name. Here comes a defense of Tyra Banks.

First of all, yes, Tyra comes off as very full of herself. She's always using herself as an example for the girls, and she gets self-righteous to the point of screaming at least once every two or three cycles. This sort of thing would be totally out-of-control behavior for a normal person. It would be completely obnoxious for someone to act this way in the real world. That's why we have to remember that it's TYRA. She had to get to the position she's in today somehow. I mean, you know her name. Big Time. She set herself apart from normal people a long time ago. And by the way, she's not presenting herself this way in reality. She's presenting herself this way in reality tv. It's her name all over antm, and it's her name on the talk show. She might as well make it look like she's in charge.

Tyra got to where she is, by the way, by figuring out things for herself that worked. She smiles with her eyes. She improvises. She's definitely not afraid to look like a huge moron. She sells it. Every piece of advice she gives the competitors is clearly something she had to figure out for herself. In the world of modeling, she's freakin Einstein over here. If the show were America's Next Top Thinking Person, hosted by Genius McGee, I'd be surprised if I could bring myself to watch it once, nevermind in a series of marathons. In a modeling competition, I think I'd trust any advice Tyra Banks cared to throw me.

Have you ever seen Tyra in a tabloid, besides that super fat swimsuit picture? Have you heard her say something stupid outside of the bounds of her own shows? She's not looking for any more attention than she already gets. She doesn't comment on other celebrities, and I don't think I've ever known about her dating anyone (even though I found out from her True Hollywood Story that yes, she does date, and they don't seem to be losers). If you choose to tune into her stuff, you ought to expect what's coming. She'll give a LOT of unsolicited advice, and she'll make a fool of herself almost without fail. Then again, she is a (if not the) judge of antm, and at least she's willing to realize she's sort of a joke.

So on the surface, Tyra is a narcissistic, idiotic barbie. Obviously. You're not the first person to figure it out, and neither am I. If we could just look into the facade to evaluate the functionality of her personality, we find that she's not out there to offend anybody, but instead, she's there to distribute everything she can give. How wonderful would the world be if each of us could pick out someone truly annoying and find out that he or she serves a purpose that way. Don't be hatin- try appreciatin.