3-EYED RAVENS, 2-SIBLING FAMILIES, & 1-WORD VOCABULARIES ("Hodor")
Bran dreams of the 3-eyed raven yet again, and this time a young man comes along in the dream and tells him that the raven is Bran. Very soon after Bran wakes up, the young man and his sister stumble upon the camp and introduce themselves. They're Jojen and Meera Reed, and they've been looking for Bran for a long time.
Jojen tells Bran he's a warg, which explains all those direwolf-vision dreams. He also tells him the 3-eyed raven means he's got other kinds of sight, and it's only a matter of time before he can see the future like Jojen (which is how he knows all this stuff). JOJEN IS AWESOME AND HIS SISTER IS TOO. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY THAT WILL EVER CHANGE THAT. I'm all set to turn Game of Thrones into the Jojen & Bran Hour. I would watch 10 episodes of that in a heartbeat.
MR & MRS ROBB TIME-WASTINGTON
This is wild: everyone's still concerned that Robb married MTV VJ Julissa "Charlie" Chaplin! I'm still concerned that it's so boring. It's so boring. And now they're on their way to a funeral.
Later on Catelyn teaches Toolisa how to weave a Worry Doll Wreath™ and tells her about the two other times she's made them: once when Bran was in a coma (remember?!?!?!), and once when Jon Snow was very little and deathly ill. She'd been callously praying for him to disappear, but once his death was imminent, she knitted this twig nightmare to keep him alive. She thought she could welcome him to the family, but even after he got better, she couldn't. Catelyn whole-heartedly believes that everything bad that's happened to the Starks is due to her inability to show Jon kindness. Huh, I didn't realize Catelyn was Jewish.
CHEER UP, THEON
Kid's getting tortured and he's not even sure why. These strangers are screwing a thingie into his foot, demanding "the truth." Which truth do they want? He's sort of an ass? He felt up his sister? His (Linus) is shaped like (a lobster tail, but without its shell)? Some dude offers to help Theon escape, but I've got a bad feeling about it.
MARGAERY & JOFFREY: LOVE SPIES
Over at Joffrey's new robe fitting (NO FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Cersei tries to enlighten her son-king about why Margaery does the things she does. She wears teeny dresses and visits orphans to make everyone love her, and to Cersei, that's pathetic.
At the same time, Margaery and her grandmother (Lady Olenna) invite Sansa to their garden party to get the dish on Joffrey. For having kept up such a brave face through so much, Sansa really just lets loose with these two. She tells them he's a monster. She tells them about being forced to look at her father's head on a stick. I hope these broads can keep a secret because SHEESH.
Eventually, Margaery gets some alone time with Joffrey. She explains what was "wrong" with Renly and zeroes in on what seems to get Joffrey going: extreme violence. This girl is a genius. Just by holding a crossbow, she has Joffrey wrapped around her finger.
MR & MRS TYRION MORE-TIME-WASTINGTON
Shae wants to know what exactly is wrong with Littlefinger, based on Ros's cryptic warning last week. Tyrion wants Shae to stop showing up places where she could get killed. I want them BOTH to stop getting in my FACE unless they are for some reason discussing Daenerys or something COOL.
WILDLING WARGS
Jon Snow sees a warg in a trance for the first time. It's great context for what's going on with Jojen and Bran, but something tells me I would've understood even without the illustration. Also, no giants. This is a bad night for above-the-Wall entertainment.
C'MON SAMWELL
Yikes, buddy.
THE BROTHERHOOD GETS A SISTER
Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie drag their new fancy swords through the forest sometime after escaping Harrenhal. They run into the Brotherhood without Banners, aka the exact people the Mountain wanted to find so badly, and nearly get killed. Their leader, Thoros of Myr, seems to like Arya's spunk. Thank God, because these guys seem pretty good at whatever it is they do.
They invite the kids to eat with them, so Arya naturally tries to swordfight Thoros. He disarms her immediately and has a great time doing it. Somebody drags in the Hound, who tells everyone who Arya is within 3 seconds. Arya's not killing it right now, downlow-wise. Come to think of it, neither Stark daughter is.
JAIMRIENNE
Brienne and Jaime are at it again, marching southward far from the King's Road. He teases out her history with Renly and alerts her to the public knowledge that he was very gay indeed. Welcome To The Club, Brienne.
Eventually he distracts her enough to break free from the leash she's been using, and they fight on a bridge where EVERYONE can see them. I assumed he'd throw himself off the bridge as an escape tactic, but he doesn't get the chance before Vladimir Wolodarsky and the rest of House Bolton shows up. Can't miss that flayed-man flag!
DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS
So what are the dark wings and words the title references? My best guess is that the wings are Bran's ability to "fly" as that 3-eyed raven, which is how Jojen describes using his new-found mental power. The dark words are trickier because there aren't any ominous "Valar Morghulis"-type phrases taught to anyone during the episode. I'm guessing all the candid conversations about Joffrey being a monster and wishing Jon Snow would die are bleak enough to be dark words. Listening through mental sight and speaking through evil thoughts - just use your mouths already, guys! Amirite????
All photos courtesy HBO
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