What On Earth Is My Spirit Animal?

A few weeks ago, Curiouser + Curiouser's Tess explained to me exactly what her animal counterpart was: the Slow Loris.

Upon google imaging the animal, I was shocked. She was totally right. And with that completely true knowledge, she had a companion and guide right there, nestling by her side forever. My jealousy was immediate and extreme.


Knowing one's animal counterpart, or "spirit animal" (as I'm going to insist it be called), is probably the most useful thing a person could know. Remember in the third Harry Potter, how Harry's patronus saved his life (for the first of many times)? Remember those Scholastic book fairs in elementary school, when I would see the cover art of the Animorph book series and imagine that I already basically "got" the entire plot just from the pictures, so why read them?

These kids seem to know so much more about themselves, just by relating to an entity with dignity and purpose that exists in nature. It makes sense - A Person is confused, insecure, and prone to existential depression. An Animal, however, simply survives in harmony with its own noble features. It eats, it sleeps, and it reproduces. It knows what its existence is. It is fulfilled.

And so I have always longed to know just which animal I could call mine. I want to know how a Beckyish animal would deal with the hardships I'm facing. I want to finally find my spirit animal.

Now, it's not as though I haven't tried. Days on end have been spent cataloging the various animals I've heard of, but each one is decidedly not me. Horse? No, not at all. Otter? More like Hermione Granger. Rabbit? Maybe, but shouldn't it hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally come across it? I'm so desperately scared that, just as my high school assistant volleyball coach Luigi used to propose, I'm most like a Chipmunk. (Then he'd tell me to "dial 1-800-Get-Over-It," no joke.) No no, none of these is right. So I have to take a deductive approach.

Instead of proposing specific animals, I tried to go by a process of elimination: no reptiles, I should think (unless perhaps a turtle?), and no insects. I'm not really a bird, but I'll keep it in the running just in case. Most likely I'd want a mammal, which is what most humans would probably choose. Though I will mention that Dumbledore's patronus was a Phoenix (awesome), and Cho Chang's was a Swan. Me, a Swan? Nope. Can't even pretend, Beck.

So I found a "find your spirit animal" quiz online. Specifically, I found this one, by Jeri Smith-Ready. I'm not sure who Smith-Ready is, but judging by the margin notes, I'd say Jerri Blank has found another pseudonym. The questions seem appropriate to items like emotional intelligence and natural prowess, but I found that there were often multiple answers that applied to me. Trying to choose the "most accurate" answers gave me the amazingly disgusting match of: Spider. Spider. Spider? Because I like to make art? SHEESH! COME ON!

Just this minute I found another quiz, this one by gURL.com. It seemed to think I was an Armadillo, based on my ability to set boundaries for myself and others. Only, I don't think I do that. The quiz questions are all aimed at high-school aged girls, so I think I may have missed the mark. Well, but maybe I am guarded? But is that all I want my spirit animal to represent?

Perhaps a spirit animal should suggest things about what I'd like to be. Like, for instance, wouldn't it be great to have a Dolphin as my spirit animal? I'm positive that I don't share too many characteristics with them right now - they're extremely resilient, they communicate very well, and they give great advice (via really wise chirps, I guess). I certainly try for items two and three, but as far as resilience goes, I have yet to see myself as a bouncer-back. But the thing is, I'd like to be. So maybe there's something there.

At any rate, I'm still in a zoological quandary. I was halfway hoping that writing all this out might make the situation abundantly clear, like if I looked at all the words, they might form the vague shape of some creature I hadn't yet considered. At least they don't look like a Chipmunk.

Please, don't let me be a Chipmunk.